She says that she is too weak because she just got home from the hospital where they tried to kill her because Medicare would not pay for her stay. It’s been over 2 weeks now and I have tried everything from a bribe to begging her nicely.
She also doesn’t want anyone coming to the house to help her.
Her Dr has her on medication for Dementia.
Need advise!!!
What was she in hospital for may I ask?
"Grooming and bathing are disrupted when the person forgets how and when to do things. They may forget what the steps of washing are. They may forget that they need to wash. They may be unable to remember how much time has elapsed since they last washed or changed their clothes. They may also
believe that they are clean and take offence should anyone suggest otherwise. Dealing with such situations in a manner that is kind and jovial, rather than confrontational, is important. One fellow, who needed to help his wife bathe as she was no longer able to do so herself, was puzzled because she was
calm and cooperative until he helped her step out of the bathtub, and then she became agitated and wanted to get covered up immediately. As it turned out, as soon as she saw her own reflection in the mirror, she thought there was another person in the bathroom, and she was embarrassed. As you can see, the cause of the distress for a person with dementia is not always readily apparent to the rest of us, who can take intact thought and reasoning for granted.
If a person with Alzheimer disease is looking at a solid black area, or a solid white area, such as a bathtub, they may perceive a yawning bottomless hole. Putting a coloured bath mat down may increase the likelihood that they would be willing to step into the tub. Putting blue food colouring into the water
may allow them to see what they are stepping into as well. Generally, with altered depth perception, it becomes challenging to judge how high, deep, long, wide, near or far things are.
If you send clear signals through your tone of voice, facial expression and relaxed and confident attitude, that you mean them no harm, they may trust you to the point where you are able to help them with their personal care. People with Alzheimer disease become extremely sensitive to the body language of
others, as they no longer possess the judgment and insight to understand the situation, so they evaluate the threat posed to themselves by the frown or aggressive stance of the other. It is important to exaggerate your body language communication to let the person with Alzheimer disease know that you
intend them no harm. A smile on your face, a relaxed tone of voice and body stance, a sense of calmness and reassurance, perhaps a hug, all communicate that you mean to help, not harm. If you feel like you’re overdoing the positive body language, you are communicating your intent effectively for a person with Alzheimer disease.
Remember that their short-term memory may not permit them to remember what you are doing when the two of you are part way through a task, such as a bath. People have found it effective to keep chatting throughout the task, as the continued connection and reassurance of a soothing tone helps the
person with AD stay calm in a situation they would otherwise find threatening."
Teepa Snow has excellent online videos about how to bathe an elder with dementia; check her out on YouTube.
Here is the link to the online Ebook which is a free download with excellent information about dementia:
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
You can order large body wipes on Amazon and no rinse shampoo also, which work in a pinch when your mother refuses a real bath. Hiring an aide to come into the home is also an option; mom doesn't have to 'like it', but if it's the right person, she will eventually come to accept her as a friend who will help her bathe.
Good luck!
I prepare for "success" by having the fresh outfit warming on the heater, and a towel too. I zap the wipes for 1 full minute so they stay warmer longer. Be careful not to burn her! But they cool quickly out of the packet. Easy and quick. She can wipe her own privates; just hand her a warm wipe.