My mother abuses prescribed medications and I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

Welcome.

The organization you want is Nar-Anon. If you can't find them, start going to Al-Anon meetings.

Withdraw your help and support from this situation. Let your step-dad take the keys.

This is an issue that requires some type of professional help, which is a long road littered with relapses.

You need to help yourself, as BarbBrooklyn pointed out. You need the support, so do it.

Given the gravity of the situation you described, you can only save yourself. Your mother is doing what addicts do.

I am doubtful she is getting the drugs from actual doctors and that's why you can't find the tell-tale prescription bottles. Addicts can get any black-market prescription meds conceivable. The doctors nowadays are very reluctant to keep prescribing meds without good reason. That's how it is now (if you're in the U.S.) -- they've become very restricted due to the known addiction epidemic.

You cannot have her recovery for her. You can only put up clear and strong boundaries for yourself and make sure you are not ENABLING her in any way. I highly recommend watching a few episodes of the series "Intervention" so that you can see what boundaries look like and how addicts all have universal behaviors. It will also give you hope for her ability to recover.

How is she getting the money to buy the drugs anyhow? How is she keeping a job? Never never lend her money (no matter what "excuse" she gives you or how sad and desperate she acts), don't let her into your home so that she can steal stuff and pawn it for cash or raid your medicine cabinet. Never never leave your purse unguarded when she's present.

Like others suggested, go to Nar-Anon and get support. And make boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

Your step-dad needs to monitor her internet usage. I know a person who was able to get DEA controlled drugs this way. She had them shipped to where she worked so her DH would not know. Dad should be monitoring the mail and find out if she has a PO box somewhere. I think doctors and pharmacies are good at keeping check on a patient.

The only way ur Mom is going to stop is admit she has a problem and get help.

Your mother is sick. She suffers from substance use (abuse). She is psychologically and physically dependent on habit-forming substances. Xanax is a highly addicted anti-anxiety pill. It's under the category of Control Substances", just like Codeine, Morphine, Demerol, etc. The withdrawal symptoms of these drugs can be life-threatening. She has to be detoxed and treated in a medically approved substance abuse clinic. This condition can only be managed successfully if the patient is cooperative and motivated. Your mother will be a difficult case, because she doesn't appear to want to quit her addiction. Notifying her prescribing doctors is a good idea. Perhaps when her supply of drugs stops, she might agree to get substance abuse treatment. Incidentally, she can't do it by herself. It's impossible and risky. I congratulate for being such a responsible person.

I am glad you wrote about this. I was unaware of this type of situation. What came to my mind is the addictions I have seen in my life and that the person has to want to quit and and fail and quit until they get it right. I appreciate the support group suggestion, this will help you in understanding what you can and cannot do. Since this seems to be obsessive and you state she takes “meds” even when they don’t do anything; what about replacing her current stash with something that is harmless? (That is the first thought I had when I read this.). My mom has always been careful about not taking meds and then she had surgery and she began to take strong meds. The doctor refilled them for her and when she had a mental break at church (not at home), 911 was called and she was taken to ER. They Baker-Act’d her and the drug test showed the pain medication was in her system. She denies taking pain meds. After the hospital got her stable, we picked her up in a week even though they wanted to release her in 3 days. We could not find an affordable assisted living/memory care to transfer her to since she cannot live alone. After 8 months of living with her, she chose a assisted living facility to try —AND. LOVES.IT. Much prayer and petitions for God’s best plan went into this situation and I am grateful for this plan.

First let me say I am really sorry this is happening to you. I'm sure that adds a tremendous amount of stress to your life. I commend you to still being able to keep your studies up with all the stress it is causing. I wish I could take that away from you. But since I can't, I can only offer advice. My heart goes out to you. That is a lot on the shoulders of a 20 year old.

For the stress I would find a support group for you and your step dad. They have them in person and online. They are probably hot lines too. If your not sure you are into it, just give it a try. It would be good to talk about it,and relieve some of the stress. They can offer ways to cope and not enable her. If this is link below a no go; there are other options in your area. Even ones you can call and speak to someone. You are not alone having a love one addicted. Please remember that. There is no shame in that. You cannot control her addiction. People understand more than you think. Most of us know someone with a drug or alc problem.

https://herrenproject.org/online-support-groups/

I find it strange a doc would give a 3 month supply of a controlled med. They can get in trouble for that. She is probably getting them in the street. Maybe she is telling you that, to keep you away from knowing her real source. The street and online.
An intervention would be good. Where is she getting the money for the pills if she is not working?
You and your step dad should
lay down the law and not supply money to her. Who owns the home? If your step dad owns it, he can say he will kick her out if she doesn't get help. Keys need to be taken away permanently. She is a danger to herself and could kill an innocent person if she is doped up while driving. Is she drinking as well to increase the effect of the drugs? Tell her the keys are wherever she left them. But take them. Never let her find them.
Im afraid my knowledge doesn't go as far as how to do an intervention. So I think that is where in person meetings or online meetings can help you with what to do, and how to go about it.
If your step dad won't help with that, is there another place you can live? Another relative? Relieve some stress so you can concentrate on your studies?
People can get pills delivered to them from online these days. Right to their door. So internet access needs to be blocked. From what I have heard they can order them from apps like Instagram. They can be there within the hour.
Does she have access to a cell phone? She's got dealers numbers in there. Shut off the cell phone. You can say she must have lost it when she went out, or on a bender. Shutting it off would be easier. Do not cont to pay it. Shut off home phone. Whoever is paying her bills needs to stop.

By doing these things, it will escalate fights. You and your step dad, grandfather must be a united front always. If not it will never work. You are still enabling in ways that you probably don't know. That is why the best help would be the support groups. I'm sure they have some for young adults. So they might be easier to go to. But please give them a try. IF one group doesn't work, try another, or a help line. I'm sure they can tell you how to cope and what to do.
I think the step dad needs to step up. I'm sure he's paying the bills making it very comfortable for her to go on a benders, knowing you and him will be there to help her. She has a roof over her head, money, a car, poss cell phone, and a way to get the drugs. All those avenues need to be taken away and shut down. And you need help with how to deal with the yelling, and fall out, of not being able to get her drugs. It will be an adult having a four year old meltdown. If that happens walk away. She'll want an audience. No fun throwing a tantrum alone. That is why the groups/phone support can help. Your step dad needs to threaten to kick her out, and change the locks if she doesn't go to rehab. The groups/ info will help you handle her and where to send her. Take Care

Find out where she i getting these prescriptions and tell them not to prescribe her anymore. Also go to her pharmacy and let them know. She is going to kill herself at this rate.

Adult Children of Alcoholics
310-534-1815
https://adultchildren.org/

There are also zoom meetings. You don't even have to leave home. Please reach out so they can help you. You shouldn't have to live like this.
If this phone number doesnt give you answers, try another in your area. There are all sorts of help groups. Keep seaking till you find a good fit. Take care.

in some states all pharmacies can be alerted to this. The state may also be able to alert physicians.Your state department of health would know if this is the case. Both pharmacies and prescribers can have legal problems with abetting addiction. Also, you can let the police know in your precinct.Some will monitor driving more closely.How is she paying for these drugs if she doesn't work? They can be expensive. You might also contact Narcotics Anonymous and ask them for any suggestions. I don't know of anyway to protect yourself from the emotional damage except with treatment or a support group. It seems to me that your stepfather is at great legal risk if she is driving while impaired. He might consider changing some aspects of the arrangement. Perhaps, it is time for to think of rearranging your own life so it doesn't revolve around your mother's destructive behavior? You are an adult.

Consult with her doctor about her problem and also with a social worker. There may be some programs that are available to help her substance use disorder.

My mom did the exact same thing. I feel her constant benders is what eventually killed my father from the stress. My advice is to be clear with your mom the toll she is taking on your very young life. She needs treatment as described above. She is doctor shopping, that’s exactly what my mom did. My heart goes out to you, I also would suggest something for yourself like Al Anon groups.

Your mother has problems that include her difficulties with medications. I would suggest taking her to the emergency room the next time she overdoses and let them involuntarily admit her. She needs to detox but she also needs a psychiatric evaluation to determine why she continues this behavior - especially since this is potentially genetic as well as a learned behavior.

It's common in major cities to have "pill mills", which are run by pharmacists who set up shop in fairly risky neighborhoods and begin dispensing meds. Generally will fly under the radar with legitimate prescription re-fills. But, then it seems that the word gets out that they "might" be doing business a bit differntly. Accepting forged scripts, over filling a script-say 20 pills instead of 10. Junkies love, love, love these places and will not say a word about them, misbehave, do anything to risk their supply from this kind of business. It's mostly cash, extremely lucrative and very busy. Lived in Philly, there was one of these mills about 15 blocks away. I think it got busted by a disgruntled addict who ratted out the owner (so much for love, love part-addicts are fickle). Never mind that this was on a very busy street, and cops drove past there all the time.
I am so sorry you and your step Dad are going through this. Time to step back and get the help you both need for yourselves. I've dealt with addicts for years-family and friends. You can change-they do not have to. Support groups are great, might have to try out a few to see which one is the best fit. Lots of good advice posted here.

I’m surprised she is able to get them filled, I get controlled meds and if I have dental surgery and need additional meds from another doc it’s an act of Congress.

Everyone has to call each other as if it’s the codes to the nuclear bomb. These controlled meds are electronic and every prescription is tracked under the patients name. You cannot get extra meds.

Unless she’s using another name and paying out of pocket or buying them off the street she’s not going through regular channels.

If you have POA or let her docs know they can pull up her prescription records anywhere and find out where she’s getting them filled and from who. Unless she’s buying from a dealer, then you have to think about her friends and contacts.

Id look at her finances too, see where her money goes around that time.

I know it is heartbreaking for you, but you have a much more pressing thing to attend to and that is YOURSELF and the important people in your future.

Please don't brush this off. Listen to me.

I know you can't imagine it right now but if you don't sort out YOUR experience with these unloving, selfish examples of maternal behavior, as much as you think you know better and think you have a handle on the situation, you need to get away and join a group something like Nar-Anon (for drug addicted loved ones), or Al-anon.

This is very important not only for you to live your most healthiest life but also because, guaranteed, this imbecilic mom of yours will affect your marriage and the family that you make. The reverberations of how you have been affected will in fact affect your children and husband even if they will have never met her.

Intimacy, (not just sex, but trust, feeling and sharing closeness, and feeling secure) will be damaged. As a result there will go another husband and kids with a mom that may not be a substance abuser but one that is carrying a screwed up little girl's idea of a happy family life that doesn't work.

Unfortunately for all of you in your immediate family drugs are more important to your mom than her daughter and family. She may have a good reason (in her weak mind) for doing it. It fills a hole in her heart that her mom should've filled. For your mom drugs help in a most childish way to deal with whatever is hurting her.

This is not your problem. Take a step back. You are not her momma. Your mom is a burning house that you should be running away from. You are the one that should've been protected and nurtured. Two generations? You are not equipped to help. You are too (not irrevokably) damaged to be of help.

I've known mothers who were not alcoholics but were the children of alcoholics. They were very attentive if you think just keeping the children clean and well fed and a perfect house attentive, but it was a facade. They were damaged and in turn their children became damaged and the third generation suffered emotionally as well.

Join the military. Speak to your schools counselor about going to school abroad.
Get a job, maybe in your college and go to school at night.

Break the cycle.

How in the world do think she became an addict? Get the heck out. Do you want your children to only know that grandma and grandma great were drug addicts and give them your memories? You already know to-the-bone that she will not change. People survive without parents especially bad parents. Be level-headed, be wise, be strong.

Are you going to blind like her to the necessity of getting away from a bad mom and doing the healthy thing?

You are old enough to know what is of value - life and family. You should've been held as a jewel of great value in your parents home. Focus on being a survivor of craziness. Focus on learning in school and keeping the company of people who are excited about the wonders of life rather than the dullness of alcohol or drugs. It's a terrific thing.

You will learn what should be protected. You are important and you should've been cherished and protected from this BS.

The best advice I can offer you beyond what's already been written here is to not follow your parents's paths. Follow the advice my dad gave himself after growing up in a dysfunctional family --

"Whenever I didn't know how to handle something, I'd ask myself what my parents would do. Then I did the opposite."

Addiction is a disease...........it robs the addict and the addict's family of life and the relationships we need to be happy.

Call Adult Protective Services in your area and consider moving out so that they step in for you in getting her the care she needs. They might also have something to share with the drug dealers (oops, doctors). The Betty Ford Clinic might be a good place to start with an interview and some reality checks for your mom. https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org

You and your step dad can benefit greatly by attending Nar-Anon meetings in your area and even online. www.nar-anon.org. Codependency is also a BIG issue in the disease of addiction.

Please consider moving out and letting Adult Protective Services take over.

Most colleges have access to or provide counseling services. I would go there first. They can help get you to the right place. The most important thing is to take care of yourself and remember that people have the right not to take care of themselves. You can only do your best. Your stepdad can take steps to deal with your mother - you have enough to do to take care of yourself. He probably can use some counselling himself. If he is paying bills, he might want to cancel any credit cards and/or bank accounts that your mother uses to pay for her drugs .You and /or your step dad may want to consult an attorney for additional guidance on what can be done including the possibility of some type of custodial care where your mom may be able to get some type of treatment. You might also talk with your minister, Rabbi or other similar person if you belong to a religious institution of some kind.

Hi Random,

My heart breaks for you.

My ex DIL was addicted to pain medication & eventually, whatever she could get her hands on. She doctor-hopped & used *her* mother's name to get opioids. She died of an overdose with at least 7 different drugs in her system. It wasn't the first time she OD'd, but it was the only time she didn't come back. She was 47. She denied she was addicted.

Addiction is a beast that forces you to feed it. Hiding her pills doesn't starve it, and logically, you know you can't live in this unhealthy and dangerous environment. The good thing is that you're looking to escape its claws. Others have said, "Take care of yourself." Take their advice: find a Nar-anon group, take advantage of your college's counseling services, and most of all, don't be ashamed.

You are not alone.
It's not your fault.
You can't fix it on your own.

I know it's hard. She's your mom, but addiction has taken over her life. I pray that she can find a way out, but unless and until that happens, I wish you & your family strength to deal with it.

(((hugs)))

RandomUser123: What your mother is doing is referred to as "doctor shopping." A person under the crutch of a substance will go to the literal ends of the earth to obtain it. While they may certainly want to kick this crutch, they are unable to do so because they are under the 'spell,' if you will of the drug. There are many programs that support stubborn habits, or at least attempt to. However, it is the individual who must want to cease consumption and oftentimes it is not ideal to stop abruptly. Since she witnessed her own mother's issue, it's somewhat surprising that she chose this life for herself as well.

Your mother's brain receptors are probably very damaged and not operating properly anymore. If she were to suddenly stop taking these medicines cold turkey she may seizure. She needs to be in a rehab program. Sounds like she is addicted.

How you go about getting her there I don't know. Maybe you need a professional intervention. As for these Dr's who keep prescribing her these medications. I don't know what to say about that.

You probably need outside professional help.

She is a addict. If she gets from a particular drug Pharmacy ...I am surprised they have allowed this to go on. If what she "gets" puts her in endangering herself it can go to court and pharmacy's will "flag". Her Dr. becomes her Med. manager like he wants to be. This is a lifetime of abuse to herself. The harmful drugs are only for 30 days. Remember there are Drs that work for big pharma and they do not get involved in Her Problem till they have to. When she goes "illegal" and gets something with Fentanyl...that is it!!

I would try making a trip to all pharmacy’s close to her home and alert them to the problem. They may be able to contact her doctors