My mother has used manipulation to always get me where she can use me. Now it's come down to me being her last living child, as through the years she's been a heavy pill user, along with alcohol, and enabled my last living brother through making deals to sell him pills, As 2yrs this last June he passed while they had just had their last fight over this pill/alcohol addition, which lead to adding reason for his death, she refused to take any responsibility, but that is the addition in her. Since his passing I've been all she's had left,and continued to overnedicate, resulting in continuous falls that had been taken place for years, so it was nothing new to me, but resulting in to many 911 calls for the fire dept to go pick her up off the floor. During this time over a year ago the fire dept had gotten the CARES Team involved, mom had it stuck in her mind that they just liked her? Not sure where that came from, as she'd also had in home care visiting for quite some time as well. But they had started calling me, scheduling meetings, n wanting me to intervein to find a way to help her, leaving me with 3 options. 1)Place her in a home 2) move her out of the city with me, n my husband, with no accessible needs for her. 3) move to town, and inconsistent with her, so it came down to just that. The urgency was being requested, so mother had agreed..Ended up quikselling our home, which was a total mistake. Blindly being talked into having to move quickly. 1st mistake, worst mistake of my life. Before ever really getting started, she'd taken several falls, so pushed even harder. And just as luck would have it, ended up in the ER with her having pneumonia, my panic button had been pushed to the limits, and was not thinking at all. She finally made through the recovery, but brought her straight home, keeping her from going to rehab, got her back on her feet, just to have in home care neglect a sore on her heal, that became infected, by the time they tested for infection i had to get her back to the ER, 2nd time of that she was admitted again, had to have surgery for cellulitis in which took the heel clear to the bone, and still trying to get it to heal. In the meantime I lost my home, and a lifetime of over 25yrs. Now she's manipulating, n degrading me, telling me if I'm unhappy to just leave, she doesn't own the home outright, so now not sure where to turn, I'm exhausted, and lost feeling it was all for nothing, as if I ask for help fom Medicaid they will have us sell the home to cover the cost to care for her in a facility. I just don't have a life of my own at all anymore, all I do is for her. I don't know how long I can take this. She eats, sleeps, poops, in the living room, n I'm stuck in a concrete basement, with what little I have left of my life. I scared ,lost , n ready to give up. Help me I don't know where to turn. My health is bad, n getting worse, n my mother could care less. She has just recently been diagnosed with Dimentia, but it didn't start there!!!!
This needs to stop. You deserve to be happy!! Mom had her life! Everything that has happened to mom is moms fault not yours, why do you feel the need to fix , someone that is clearly unfixable.
You were groomed from a young age, just as I was to be your moms caregiver. That is not fair to you or anyone.
Another thought is for you to go straight to your ER and get admitted to the mental health unit. It sounds like you could use some rest, and they will help you deal with the guilt.
Sorry if I worded things very strongly, but we have had so many people, just like you, just like ME.
I'm telling you , life can be good , I came her less than a year ago , feeling much like you. You can have happiness again! You just have to want it badly enough
I would seek the help of a cognitive therapist to help you break out of some of the habitual reactions formed over a lifetime of living with toxic family situation.
There is really no way to leave such a situation other than to leave it.
It will not change.
You can do it now. Say she is an unsafe discharge. Her care has gone passed your ability to care for her. If you have no POA, tell them the State will need to take over her care?
Did you move into her house? Her house is actually an exempt asset until death. If you lived with and cared for her for two years, you may be able to get a Caregiver Allowance and be able to stay in the house. If its your house and she moved in, Medicaid will not take it. Children are not responsible for paying for a parents care when Medicaid is involved. I would consult with an elder lawyer. In the meantime, get Mom placed.