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So sad. It was 2 weeks ago.


She didn't have her affairs in order, I don't even know where all of her money is.


My father opened a bank account and got the checks the day before the funeral.


They have misc. accounts everywhere. My father won't go through his mail and fights me when I try to help. His bills are past due.


I know he is grieving but he has always been this way, my mother as well. I begged her to get her affairs in order for my sake and she never did. They were never responsible with their money.


I am left with a mess and a father that won't let me help and a sister that made my mother change her will 1 week before she died.


Just venting, it's a mess.

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I'm so sorry, Mary.

Your mother had a will. If there is an executor, that is the person who is dealing with "the mess".

Leave your father be. Allow yourself time to grieve, to heal and move on
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Thank you Barb I will take your advice, I am focused on everyone else and I have to grieve in my own way
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I’m so sorry for your loss, Mary. If your sister made mom change her will 1 week before she died, I’m wondering if she had mom appoint her the executor? If so, let her deal with it. Take good care of yourself, grieve, and maybe help dad in ways he will allow. (((Hugs)))
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Please accept my condolences. Take time to grieve.
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Sorry for your loss.

Do you know what kind of change your sister had mom make to her will? Was your mom legally competent to change her will?

If she was competent, there is nothing you can do and you need to find a way to make peace with it and grieve your mom.

What are your dad's issues?

If it's true that your family, for whatever reason, is trying to distance from you, then maybe this is time for you to take care of yourself and blow them off.
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<((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
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So sorry for your loss Mary.
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I’m so sorry for your loss and your predicament. At face value (without more info, I didn’t read below) I would say walk away from the mess until and unless your asked to help (and given the power to). There is t anything you can do at the moment except be there for support, whatever kind your dad needs and make sure he knows your willing and able to help him organize his bills and or set everything you can on line for him.
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Just scanned ur previous posts and saw about Dad needing a catheter and how it smells. Also that he is confused. If confusion is something knew, it could be his catheter causing a UTI and he needs to go to the ER now. Who makes sure its clean and everything is flushed. Is Sister his POA for financial and medical? If not, someone needs to step up to the plate. Dad is not competent to handle his own affairs or be on his own. As former POA for Mom sis should know where all the money is. Bills still need to be paid even when probate is involved. If she is not POA for Dad, I would call APS and ask what you can do to be able to care for Dad. Maybe they can evaluate the situation and help. If she is, I would call APS and tell them she is not carrying out her responsibilities.
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Mary444 Oct 2023
My dad doesn't have a POA.

Like a lot of people said I have to walk away I should have a long time ago

I have a bag with his paperwork and bills I will set the bills to auto pay and then I am done

He is sitting in self pity (he was the same way when my mother was in the hospital) He puts his head down when anyone says anything practical and feels sorry for himself.

It's all about him, it always was. Selfish bastard
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Thank you all so much!

My father went to his doctor and he is ok with his catheter now.

He did let me gather up his bills and get his bank account numbers believe it or not. I am setting him up for auto pay.

My sister has said often she hates us both so we have no contact with her. IDK what was changed in the will. She had it done one week before my mother died as I said. My mother was in terrible pain in the hospital when it was done and was probably on some sort of opioid.

The lawyer also kicked everyone out of the room when he came to change the will including my father.

She never had POA my cousin did. My father was the executor of the old will. If he is still the executor and he can't handle it (he probably can't) I will get POA for him with me as the POA

My father is seeing his lawyer tomorrow

I don't hate him I am just frustrated. Which hurts extra because I am dealing with my loss at the same time.

Thank you all (((hugs)))
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