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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Or, you can think about placing her in a Memory Care Assisted Living residence where others are paid to manage her behaviors. Dementia normally reaches the point where in-home care becomes impossible, due to behavioral issues, incontinence, wandering out of the house at night, dangerous issues such as trying to cook or mixing chemicals together to clean.........the list is endless. Not to mention, if you're going to have a tumultuous relationship and wind up lashing out at one another, you are BOTH better off with her living in another location. There are TWO lives to consider here, at a minimum, not taking your husband/children into consideration, if applicable. Everyone is entitled to live a calm and happy life in your home. If that's not possible, make other arrangements for your mother.
My mother will be 94 this month, has moderate dementia & horrible behavioral issues that go back decades, which have only worsened terribly with dementia. There is no way I would or could care for her in my home, it would destroy MY life and my husband's life, and that's unacceptable. So she lives 4 miles away in a Memory Care AL where she gets superb care by teams of 24/7 caregivers. If she lived here, we'd be at each other's throats all the time. I have no idea how you stop yourself from lashing out if you're stressed out and resentful at having to care for your mother in your home. I'd find it impossible myself.
Wishing you the best of luck coming to terms with doing what's best for all concerned. And taking YOUR health and welfare into consideration here, not just your mother's!!
You need outside help. Other than your mother being hurtful and sarcastic, can she get up and walk or wander away from the house? If the answer to that is 'yes' then she needs to be in a nursing home for her own safety. You're dealing with it the best you can. Everyone will tell you to have more empathy and compassion for her. That is all true. Everyone has a breaking point though. Even the most patient and saintly of caregivers lash out a little bit. We're all human and nobody is perfect. Sometimes yelling 'Shut the Hell up!' at the person you're caring for is a lot easier for them to recover from then a slap across the face or a hard shove to the floor. Situations like yours are high-risk for elder abuse. You will know when you've reached your limit and that's when it's time to put her in a long-term care facility. Don't beat yourself up or feel guilty if you have to make the decision to put her in one. Good luck and I wish you all the best.
So, she's going blind and her brain is broken. I'd lash out, too. My mother is in the exact same boat as yours, and she did the same.
Once you really take in those two points -- her brain is broken, and she's going blind -- you may be able to come from a place of empathy because you don't have those two devastating issues. She's scared and confused, so try approaching her with that in mind rather than blaming her childhood(??) upbringing.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My mother will be 94 this month, has moderate dementia & horrible behavioral issues that go back decades, which have only worsened terribly with dementia. There is no way I would or could care for her in my home, it would destroy MY life and my husband's life, and that's unacceptable. So she lives 4 miles away in a Memory Care AL where she gets superb care by teams of 24/7 caregivers. If she lived here, we'd be at each other's throats all the time. I have no idea how you stop yourself from lashing out if you're stressed out and resentful at having to care for your mother in your home. I'd find it impossible myself.
Wishing you the best of luck coming to terms with doing what's best for all concerned. And taking YOUR health and welfare into consideration here, not just your mother's!!
You're dealing with it the best you can. Everyone will tell you to have more empathy and compassion for her. That is all true. Everyone has a breaking point though. Even the most patient and saintly of caregivers lash out a little bit. We're all human and nobody is perfect. Sometimes yelling 'Shut the Hell up!' at the person you're caring for is a lot easier for them to recover from then a slap across the face or a hard shove to the floor. Situations like yours are high-risk for elder abuse. You will know when you've reached your limit and that's when it's time to put her in a long-term care facility. Don't beat yourself up or feel guilty if you have to make the decision to put her in one. Good luck and I wish you all the best.
You can walk away to catch your breath if you feel like you will lose it.
You can take some time away if you need a longer break.
You can remind yourself that she has serious cognitive decline that attributes significantly to her behavior.
You can lower your expectations of her and you will be less disappointed.
You can remember the happy times or special memories if there was joy earlier in your lives.
You can speak to a professional therapist. It helps to speak to someone objective.
You can continue to reach out to this forum and read what other caregivers do or have done.
Best wishes to you and your mom.
Once you really take in those two points -- her brain is broken, and she's going blind -- you may be able to come from a place of empathy because you don't have those two devastating issues. She's scared and confused, so try approaching her with that in mind rather than blaming her childhood(??) upbringing.