My mother, who has dementia is bedridden and cannot walk or stand. She is constantly calling for me. Any suggestions to stop this?

I have not read all previous responses, so forgive me if I am redundant.

I would buy her a baby doll, you can get one that looks real and then she will not be alone, ever.

I do believe that her doctor can order a hoyer lift and then Medicare will pay for it. She should not be left in bed all the time. She should have a regular routine of getting up and dressed and moved into the common areas. I can't imagine how frightening and mind numbing it would be to be stuck, by yourself in the same room day after week after month after year. It sounds like a punishment. Put her in a wheelchair and move her around, give her mind something to focus on besides you. Between that and her new baby I bet you hear your name a lot less.

You can not erase your mothers relationship with you. You can dull it with anxiety med. Be thankful for the "intimacy" she shared with you since your birth. Your life in the past is full of blessings. You have and are saying good by and this allows you to ask the Dr. for help.

It sounds like u need some relief. Time to hire some help. Unfortunately, it won’t stop because she doesn’t remember calling you. No matter how many times, I’m so sorry but she won’t remember. That is her disease and dont every deny what you can’t understand. Please look into hiring someone to help u. This person needs to stay by her side and keep her occupied. It’s for your best interest and sanity. Also, not sure what her meds are but it’s beneficial to see a Geriatric Dr., and Geriatric psychiatrist, they have more flexible w/meds and dosages than a regular GP. GP won’t budge but these Geriatric Dr’s are more specialized in this disease and it will help you deal w/ your situation better. It’s very important you take care of yourself and this will be extremely helpful to help your situation. In memory of my Gramma Rosa, God Bless!

Imho, individuals with dementia are more comforted to know where their loved one is. Perhaps you can place her in a wheelchair and move her to be able to see you. Prayers sent.

Put her in a high-back reclining wheelchair so she can get out of the bed and into the kitchen, den and living room! I'm sure she doesn't want to be alone all day in the bedroom. You may need a hoyer lift to accomplish that. If you can't do that, then place her in a Skilled Nursing Facility where she will be dressed every day and put into a wheelchair and brought into the dining room for 3 meals & activities along with socialization with others.

If she has dementia, she is probably not able to learn anything. So you couldn't be "reinforcing" the behavior. You could try telling her you can't always stay with her, and see if that sticks. My husband is in a wheelchair, and I usually move him from room to room with me, just because I need to keep an eye on him. Perhaps she is bored when you're not there. Would she be satisfied with watching television?

My mother is bedridden with dementia also. She will call out or start motioning with her hand over and over for me to come. This seems to happen as part of her sundowners episodes which happen pretty much every evening. She doesn't do this during the day. She is on Risperidone and that does help some. Best of luck to you.

* Do you want to place her in assisted living or a memory care unit?
* Stop going to her every time she calls for you. You are encouraging this pattern so she is doing what she wants, i.e., you to come to her.
* Take control and 'do' what is needed, what she needs, and not what she says she wants or needs. She has you wrapped around her dementia finger.
* Get her a music box and turn it on when you go in. I am not sure if this would encourage her to call you 'more often' to turn on the music,' or relax her so she forgets to call you on the regular basis that she is.
* She is confused and frightened, and likely angry. While she won't remember, tell her you're close by and will check in on her in a few minutes. (She won't remember the 'few minutes' and check as you need to.)
* I'm not being glib. You need to look at the broader picture of the behavior (and patterns) that are occurring.
* If you cannot tolerate the constant calling, you need to take some measures to deal with it, i.e.,
- more / medications to quiet her down.
- consider logistics of where she is and if this can be changed (as one person mentioned, bed facing outside / activity / nature.
- realize that your behavior will affect her behavior, even with dementia (from my experience although this depends on what kind of dementia a person has and which parts of the brain are affected).
* She will want her own way and plan ahead of how you will handle these pleas. You have to separate the emotional and psychological aspects of how you feel with the here-in-the-moment 'what do I need to do - for her - and for me. This is easy to say although it is critically important.
* Take care of yourself so you can take care of your mom. I am sure you'll get many more useful suggestions here. Try out and see what works or what you can realistically do. Journal if it might help you.
Keep us posted. Gena

Checking baby monitors, appears there is only one display (although some can use your "smart" phone for remote checking.) My thought was to put the "display" near her, where she can see/hear and use the camera to display YOU on the image and respond vocally. The next option is camera systems, where you can place cameras in the areas you might be working and she can see you on the monitor.
I would try the baby monitor first, as they are less expensive. If it doesn't pan out, you wouldn't spend all that money on a camera system. If it did work, use the camera system to allow her to see and communicate with you, and then use the baby monitor so you can watch over her.

The only other solution other than hiring someone for X hours/day, so you can get things done that need doing, would be to get her into an appropriate wheelchair and keep her nearby wherever you are. This would likely require a lift of some kind and perhaps an aide to assist. If she qualifies for hospice, they would provide various items like the lift, hospital bed, maybe a special wheelchair, some supplies and some in-home assistance (minimal, but maybe enough to get her into the chair or back into bed. Even if it's only a couple of days/week, schedule as many tasks that need doing on those days, so you can free up your time on the other days and reduce the times you can't be in the room or respond quickly.)

The hospital bed *might* work as an alternative to having to move her from bed to chair to bed, IF it can be easily maneuvered from the bedroom to other rooms.

Like some others, I seriously doubt ignoring her will result in reduction - she clearly has a need to see you and/or not be alone. Once an idea like that gets into the head of someone with dementia, it is sometimes difficult to dislodge it and get them "thinking" elsewhere. Earlier stages it's often recommended to distract, and redirect their focus elsewhere, but that won't happen if you aren't in the room with her! Myself, I probably wouldn't respond instantly every time, finish up what can be done in a few minutes, but having to do that all day every day, not much else would get done!

This is one case where I don't think MC is going to be the right choice. MY opinion only, to each their own, but if she's bed-ridden, how often would staff move her to be with others? They are NOT going to sit in the room with her 24/7. For respite, if OP needs it, Medicare does cover about a week/year, but how hard is it going to be to move this woman to/from a facility for this purpose and how will it affect her? Changes for those with dementia = not good!

There are tasks that perhaps could be partially done in the room with her:
1) folding laundry
2) some food prep

Still doesn't cover a lot of the day though.

Someone suggested the "interactive" pets. My OB bought one of the cats for mom - kinda silly as she was NEVER a pet person AND was still living in her own condo then, only very early dementia. She was, however, fascinated by it and what it could do. Now that she is done, it is here with me. It meows. It purrs, It moves head, ears, sometimes raises a paw to "lick" it, will roll the upper body over for belly rubs, opens/closes mouth and eyes. There are several "trigger" points to get it to continue purring and/or roll over, but there are times it meows and sighs even when I'm nowhere near it. There are videos online of elders interacting with these "pets" and certainly seem to enjoy it! Even after mom moved to MC, if I was there and initiated interaction with the kitty, she was STILL amazed by what it could do. I don't think she ever thought of it as real, but many do. In the early days, there was another woman who had a stuffed dog that she doted on, "fed" scraps of food to and even said she could hold it over the toilet and it would "tinkle!"

2 possible causes are anxiety and boredom.

The first can be addressed by moving your loved one to a more central location during the day and/or medications. Consider that their memory is so short term, that being out of their sight feels like abandonment. Being someplace where they can see and hear you is reassuring. If they insist you must be right at their side, then it may be time to try medication to help calm the anxiety.

The second, I call "boredom." They do not have anything occupying their attention and they call out for you. It is kind of sweet that you are the first idea that pops in their head, but doesn't seem that way with constant demands for attention. For these folks, consider activities that can grab their attention: older TV shows, music they like, frequent visitors (for meals, to read books together, to play simple games together....) and the like, When COVID restrictions lift, these folks do well in adult day programs,

My wife can not stand up or walk. We live in a one floor level house I move her from her bedroom to the living room via a Hoyer (patient lift) every day and back to bed for a nap and then out again for dinner. I have a TV set up for her in both her room and the living room. The entertain factor of the TV works, even with a bit of dimentia.

Don't of it in terms of 'reinforcing' behavior. If you can't walk or stand and you are alone in a room, the only thing you can do is call out for someone. It's not a behavior you can ever modify, especially with someone who has dementia. If someone was in their right mind, you could probably say I'm going to start the laundry and I'll check back in with you in 1 hour and perhaps I could watch the clock and hold my thoughts for a certain period of time. Those who become aged seem to have the need to say it when they think of it, so they don't forget. And dementia plays a negative impact on time/how much time has passed. Plus, she does want someone with her as company.

Try to find some kind of monitor to put by her bed with audio/video. She could call out and you could answer from anywhere in the house without stopping and running back to her room.

Is it possible to put an additional bed in the main/high traffic area of the house? Get her out of isolation a little? Maybe a home health person in the AM to transfer her from bedroom to living room for a change of scenery.

My wife is the same way I got hospice to come in I got a Hoyer hoist she is lifted each morning out of bed I wheel her in what room I'm cleaning. She is also blind from Benson syndrome.

For the last two+ years of my husband’s life, he was bed ridden and suffered from several conditions including dementia. I set him up in the main room of our house. I got rid of some furniture and placed his hospital bed where he could look outside and see everything going on in the house. I was with him most of the time. At first I tried sleeping in a recliner, but it was not ideal. I eventually realized I needed a good nights sleep to be up to caring for him. He would call out to me incessantly. What helped was for me to have a little good night ritual where I told him I loved him, and I would be right around the corner getting my sleep. That seemed important to him. We had a stuffed bear which he would sometimes hold. He wanted some light. I turned on one of the music channels trying different kinds of music. He liked country, easy listening from 50s, Ray Conniff, etc. when I finally went to bed, he would call me. This next point was very important. I would say in a confident voice that “we are safe, the house is locked up tight, all is ok, we don’t have anything to worry about, the kitties are asleep with me, and I love you very much. I’m right upstairs.” Then I wouldn’t Respond any more.

It depends on why she is calling. There are those who call because they have dementia and are agitated and may not even know what they need, and those who are just selfishly demanding of attention - my mom was in the first category. Something that helped us (at least for a while) was medication, the antidepressant mirtazapine helped my mom sleep better at night and made her less needy during the day. People's conditions are not all alike and meds work differently for everyone, but you chould discuss the possibility with her doctor.

See if you can get someone to come in and assist. IHSS , If she's got Medical, she would qualify. If not, you may want to consider putting her in a board and care or even a nursing home.
I know the thought can put most folks in an " I'm not comfortable" space. But you need to care for you first and foremost!

My wife does the same thing. 61YO bed/wheelchair bound with Advanced Vascular Dementia. Use Hoyer for ALL transfers. I have aides for 8 hours a day. She will ignore them and tell them she has to have me!

I have tried all the suggestions here to date and so far, none work. I hope you have better results then I do.

Just ignore her. It may sound harsh but what else can you do. You have to take care of yourself and other things that you have to do. Just because someone is dependent on you, does not mean you have to give in all the time. A nurse will balance this out or any care giver. I honestly feel the worst thing someone can do to their life, is limit it because of someones else's needs.

If they had a favorite old movie or two, you could try playing it and see if it is comforting. Years ago they were developing videos of someone talking to the patient very simply. Hello, good morning, etc. with name of person. Simple chatting like with a small child. Maybe some Mr. Rogers type shows. I don't know if it is helpful, but it is worth trying. Any old home movies? I agree chatting via a monitor might be helpful. Just saying out loud what you are doing, how the laundry looks, what you are folding, what the weather is like. Just prattling so she knows you are near. Some churches have visitors who will send time with people. I would also place a bed, recliner, whatever is comfortable in a common area if that is possible. You need to take a break if at all possible. Do you have a friend, a relative, a neighbor, a church acquaintance who could sit with her occasionally? Better a couple hours a week. No nursing, just company. Ask a local pastor. Ask the senior citizen's center, often seniors are looking for something to do. My MIL loved passing a balloon back and forth with a toddler. In fact, in the nursing home, the ladies "Loved" little kids visiting. If you have friends with kids or grandkids, could they come by. I think when they are alone, hallucinations and anxieties close in. Distraction might help. Even reading a book aloud that you enjoy, or someone does, might help. If anyone you respect asks how you are doing, or asks to help, accept. These visits would be good tasks for those who are overwhelmed by "nursing". We have Next-door in our neighborhood, it is an online forum for local areas. I am amazed at how helpful the suggestions are and the offers of help! Ask the Girl Scouts, ask your nursing school. It isn't for you, it is for her, so don't be hesitant.

When someone has dementia, they may have irrational fears. She may have anxiety about being alone. The previous response has some good suggestions. At my mother's AL facility they put her in a wheel chair and bring her to the common area where she'll see aides and other activity. I give her little stuffed animals, and she likes to have a blanket over her legs (security blanket). The needs are similar to that of a young child. Also, if you play music in her room it may be calming, for those times when you can't be there with her. Or even if you have her sit in a chair where she can look out the window.

My mom was bedridden the last 2-1/2 months of her life only because she literally forgot and could not focus on getting up as it was a daily struggle to keep her moving. I used a hoyer lift and put her in her favorite chair every single day, and she did better with that change of scenery. As bad off as my mom was with extremely severe Alzheimer's disease, when I put her to bed, she had this look of fear in her eyes so I bought a nursing manikin and dressed it up to look like mum in her clothes, and I found a wig at a consignment ship and soaked that red wig in bleach water and it literally turned gray and put it in the dryer and placed that wig on the manikin that it looks like mom's hair. I went on Ebay and bought artificial eyebrows. It looks just like mom. I used that as "virtual company" so I could get some sleep with subdued light and that worked for her. She would stare at it and fall asleep. It sure surprised hospice (she been on hospice for 2 years but I used them like a home-clinic).

The nursing manikin is about $1,500 though, so I found one--of all places--Walmart online and it was like $250 and I thought it would be some cheap thing (for nursing students to practice skills) but it weighed about 40 pounds and actually was well made. Worth every cent.

When mom died I became a basket case, but I put the manikin on her favorite easy chair with her clothes on and it REMINDS me how she was before she died. the manikin REMINDS me she is better off where she is because she was unresponsive to the environment and if I did not do range-of-motion exercises her arms would have contractured. Ironic the manikin was comforting for my mom but now it is comforting for me and she been dead over a year. Despite her insulin-dependent diabetes, kidney and liver diseases she lived to be 90 years and never had to get a single drop of narcotics or psychotropics and without a single mark on her skin. To the end mom felt loved and she died the most peaceful death anybody could ever hope for with absolutely no suffering.

I could tell when mom was dying when her feeding tube started drawing back residual I knew her body was shutting down and I had to call my brothers to come and pay last respects and they did and it was all very very meaningful and I thank God I decided to put that feeding tube in which she NEVER bothered, so she did not have to die of dehydration. I bought a tube top from Amazon which was comfortable for mom to conceal the tubing and prevented it from getting pulled while turning her. Feeding tubes are A LOT OF WORK and you really need to know what you are doing, but it is something you need to think about and discuss with your family.

I got on with my own life, employed and pursuing my Master's degree, and I come to terms with mum's death, but Oh God I miss her but we all die, and her ordeal of life is over with and she is forever safe and free and at eternal peace. That manikin remains a source of comfort for me--just as visual reminder how mom was before she died. It really helped me.

Just so people realize it, mentioning that a younger person with early onset Alzheimer's can be the exact same with the constant calling out. In our situation, for the 41 years my son has lived, we have had to deal with always responding to him calling out, especially during the night. He's got a serious seizure disorder and they can come at any time. So now that he's 41 and also has Alzheimer's in moderate stage, it is calling out from anxiety as well as his typical calling out!

When I say "calling out", I mean that now my son calls out within 2 minutes of anyone leaving the room. No matter what we tell him, he gets anxious. You can imagine how hard this is for all caregivers. We'd not survive without our trusty room monitor. (Don't call it a "baby monitor"!). We use it to talk back to him and this does help. Constant calling out is as stressful as the other habit most people experience, asking the same question over and over. No solutions here, but we do find ways to deal with this problem and there is less stress over time.

First of all, you said she has dementia so you're not reinforcing anything because she forgets, she doesn't remember calling you the last time you left.

My 96 yr old father does the exact same thing.

But actually he just feels safe when someone is in the room with him and since he can't remember much, he can remember a familiar face and he's scared when left alone.

My Dad enjoys being in his recliner most all the time, out in the open.

You may try to put him in an area where he isn't by himself.

You might try playing music he use to like.

Is the TV turned on to a favorite movie?

Does he have a pet that can keep him company?

Maybe he is bored, Would he be able to sit at the kitchen table to do a Large Size Pc Kids Puzzle.

Paint a lg print Paint By Number.

Color a picture.

Play with magnetic blocks.

Hand Held Black Jack Game.

Maybe you could take a Baby Monitor with you do you can talk back to him instead of running in there?

Praters

Juse remember, he doesn't remember and he's not trying to bother you.

Maybe you could get a couple family members to come by every day to give you an hour break.

Maybe you could hire a Caregiver to give you a break a few hrs a day

Quite often it is fear driving this behaviour. Being able to see other people seems to help them feel safer.

That's why hospital geriatric ward corridoors are filled with folk sitting opposite the nurses station. They like to see the nurses & other people going past. Some may even need their bed in the corridor overnight too.

My Mother became anxious if left in her room in rehab. Had to be in the day lounge everyday where others were.

See if radio or TV voices helps. Maybe soothing jazz or classical music. Maybe a soft toy to cuddle. If nothing works, consider talking to the doctor - maybe anti-anxiety meds may be trialled.

She needs to be somewhere where more than one person can take on dealing with this. OR if you can make the room safe so you can be sure she isn't calling for a real need. The use of "granny cams" can be useful in these situations - if you can look in on her to ensure she is actually OK then you don't need to keep running in to see what she wants. If she is getting very agitated if you do not respond then either you keep running in and out and as you say reinforcing the situation or you sort out a facility that can fulfil her needs, or pay for someone to come and sit with her for a certain number of hours a day to give you time for other things and a break. Its hard to know what is best, does she know how you are? if not then who looks after her doesn't matter. It sounds harsh but how much is the person living in your house still your mum and how much has this terrible disease changed that? Have you and her Dr. considered some mild sedation / antidepressants to deal with any fear element to her behaviour? Does she like animals - one of the imitation responsive pets may provide her with some comfort. As carers we can go on too long and actually do it to satisfy a need we have not one our loved ones have, through love or duty - both the LO and the carer need to be considered and given what they need in so far as possible.

My heart goes out to you. I'm in the same situation. My mother has become "recliner" ridden. Her dementia is now in the mid to late stages; and it's gotten to the point where I've been told by her nurse, social worker, and physical therapist, that I need to think about putting her into a MEMORY CARE facility. AS MUCH AS I DON'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN; she's at the point where she ONE PERSON CANNOT take care of her "NEEDS". It's breaking my heart.....

I think when a parent is bedridden, has dementia and afraid to be alone it is time to consider a long term care facility..These patients can actually improve with staff attention and activities. I saw many dementia patients have a better quality of life when in a good facility. I would not want to be bedridden, alone in a room and have nothing to do..just saying....

Good response MayDay. I am with you on feeling alone and scared. My mother calls out to me at times, especially when it is time to retire for the night. I will go into her room and check on her every time. Eventually she will fall asleep. I will not ignore her. I give her a hug and put the closet light on and eventually she will fall asleep.

Anyone who has been a caregiver to a parent with dementia knows that the roles reverse and you become the parent to them.
When a baby is crying, you can't go in there every time. You want to, but you can't. Sometimes you have to let them squawk for a little while so they'll go to sleep. Or because they just need to for a bit.
The same for a person with dementia. Don't go running in there every time they call. No. In the daytime after you've cleaned and fed her, and made sure her diaper is dry, put the tv on and leave the room - for a hour. No matter how many times she calls for you do not go back in there for an hour. You can set up a monitor so you can keep an eye on her, but don't go in there. Do this for a week or so. Then start doing it twice a day for an hour each time.
At night after you've gotten her ready for bed and have made sure she's had her meds and a drink and everything, then it's time for bed. Leave the tv on low if you think that will help. You can check on her a couple of times and let that be it.
You need rest too. When it's time for you to go to bed, close your bedroom door. Put some soft music on or the tv. You can still keep an eye on her with a visual monitor. One without sound. If it has sound, turn it off. There must be a time when your caregiving 'shift' ends otherwise you will burn out quick and your own health will suffer. There is no way that you can have a person sitting in the room with her around the clock 24 hours a day. She would not get that in a nursing home or hospital. It's just not possible.
She has to get used periods of time when she is alone in the room and not having you by her every time she calls. You'll see. It will be all right. She will get used to it.

When my husband first came home from the hospital and was completely bedridden in our living room, he would constantly be calling out my name. I would always tell him if I left the room, where I was going and what I was going to be doing,(and we live in a small house) and yet he would call for me. It too drove me crazy, and when I brought it up at one of my local caregivers support group meetings, one of the more experienced caregivers suggested that he was probably just scared and nervous because he was stuck in one place and couldn't do much for himself, and he just needed reassurance that I was still there, which gave him peace of mind. That gave me a different perspective, and I tried not to let it bother me after that. After a while, he didn't call for me nearly as much, as I believe he got comfortable in knowing I wasn't going anywhere, and that I was going to be there till the end, which I was.
Sometimes changing our perspective on things can really help us better understand the one we're caring for. Wishing you the best.