I leave for 2-3 hours, she gives me the cold shoulder or acts mad when I return. I know I need to continue to have some free time, but sometimes the stress I feel after makes me wonder if it is worth that. Anyone else experience the same, and how do you handle it?
MOST of the time, they will later come and apologize. They'll say they are sorry they spoke so short or said something hurtful and that they do appreciate all I do for them. So, that lets me know that I'm on the right track. I can't let their behavior dissuade me from saying the truth, make tough decisions and go about my life. I won't be manipulated. I have peace with that.
Go out with your husband too! It is more important that you enjoy your life and marriage. 95 is quite old and unless she needs your constant assistance every minute, I would start slow and just go out for a walk with him. Take your phone and leave her phone very close. Tell her you need to have a talk with your husband and ignore the cold shoulder or the guilt. You are doing enough having her live with you.
Have your husband speak up too, as that generation of women still respect the "man" and work over the daughters with guilt and manipulation. It worked for me and has our life so much better.
Next thing you know, you may be able to get out for a quiet dinner...just the two of you like it should be.
Good luck!
Only advice is to just go with it. It compares to leaving a baby or child with a sitter - some kids pout and some don't. Your mother is pouting and punishing you for leaving her. Try not to take it personally - I'm pretty sure she wouldn't do this if she could reason things out.
You can try bringing her a goodie on your return - but if you don't want DH pouting, bring one for him too. A cookie works well.
Your mom is being totally unreasonable in her reaction. Let's get that right out there. You have EVERY right to leave for that period of time - or any amount of time you want to leave for if you have someone to fill in for you.
One thing I learned with my mom in her 90s is that her world got very, very small. If it rained, she didn't want me to drive. If it was dark, she didn't want me to drive. Of course those are totally unreasonable fears. I'd just tease her about it ("Mom, it's just rain, I'm not going to melt!") and still do my own thing. My mom didn't give me the cold shoulder, but she'd express her concerns. We just have to do what we need to do and realize that sometimes our parents lose their reasoning power as they age. But that doesn't mean we have to give in to their unreasonable beliefs/behaviors. {{{Hugs}}}