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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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The doctor agrees that they need to be there. It is so hard hearing they want to come home. We can't financially or physically meet all of their needs.
Barb is right; your parents are living in Skilled Nursing because their doctor feels it's best for them at this point in time. Should the DOCTOR change his or her mind, then you can consider alternative arrangements. Of course, that's not going to happen. And of course, parents don't take into consideration that it's impossible for a daughter to take on their care at home with the myriad issues that require attention 24/7. Teams of younger people work in shifts at the SNF to accomplish what ONE person is trying to do alone at home!!!
My mother is almost 95 with advanced dementia, wheelchair bound, severe neuropathy in her legs/feet, congestive heart failure, pulmonary hypertension, incontinent, and about 10 more issues too numerous to mention. She lives in Memory Care AL and constantly says she 'wants to go home' when in reality, she hasn't had a home since 2011 when she and dad sold it to move close to me across the country. She feels that 'family' should be taking care of her, but the only family left is me (an only child), my son and my daughter who each have exhausting jobs and my son has an infant baby. I'm 64 with a bad back and other health issues, my DH is getting a liver transplant in Feb 1000 miles away, etc., and there is no way on God's green earth we can care for her here. Her wheelchair wouldn't even fit into our bathrooms! So it's hard to be asked these kinds of questions all the time and not feel sad and guilty when composing a response. The truth is, however, that we're not qualified to conduct this level of care in our homes, especially for TWO elderly parents with so many health issues. I see that your dad went downhill dramatically after the covid shots; I'm sorry to hear that.
For 4 years, I had 2 parents to worry about and put them up in Independent Living until dad fell & broke his hip. Then I had to get them both placed in Assisted Living under emergency conditions and it was quite hard to deal with, so I can sympathize with your plight, having both folks to deal with at the same time. Very emotionally exhausting, to say the least.
Please let your folks know that they're in the SNF under doctor's orders and go visit them as often as possible. That's all you can do, and me as well. My mother's $$ will be running out soon for private pay, so I'll have to apply for Medicaid to get her into Skilled Nursing soon with a roommate. I can only imagine the 'conversations' we'll have after that happens, God help me.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation
From previous posts you talked about the need for parents to go to a NH. There are no posts saying you finally were able to place them. I will assume from ur Sept 17 post and this one that you were able to place them.
This was a big hurdle to get over but seems you were able to do it. Do not remove either of them. This is where they need to be. In ur profile you mention they may both may suffer from a Dementia. If so, over time they will need more and more care. Both are already incompetent. One of your posts you talk about how you dreaded your turn to care for them. Soooo, its time for little white lies. "Sorry Mom but the doctor says, for now, this is where u and Dad need to be." Or be honest "Mom your care has become too much for brother and I. You need people who know how to care for you". Those suffering from a Dementia usually want to go home. Its familiar to them. You need to allow Mom to adjust. A month is not a long time. If Dementia is involved, she may not remember what you say. You may need to learn how to redirect.
From your posts I know Mom is not an easy person. Don't feel you need to visit every day. If you aren't in the mood, don't go. They are safe and being cared for.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Is your mother's depression being adequately treated, hopefully by a geriatric psychiatrist?
My mother is almost 95 with advanced dementia, wheelchair bound, severe neuropathy in her legs/feet, congestive heart failure, pulmonary hypertension, incontinent, and about 10 more issues too numerous to mention. She lives in Memory Care AL and constantly says she 'wants to go home' when in reality, she hasn't had a home since 2011 when she and dad sold it to move close to me across the country. She feels that 'family' should be taking care of her, but the only family left is me (an only child), my son and my daughter who each have exhausting jobs and my son has an infant baby. I'm 64 with a bad back and other health issues, my DH is getting a liver transplant in Feb 1000 miles away, etc., and there is no way on God's green earth we can care for her here. Her wheelchair wouldn't even fit into our bathrooms! So it's hard to be asked these kinds of questions all the time and not feel sad and guilty when composing a response. The truth is, however, that we're not qualified to conduct this level of care in our homes, especially for TWO elderly parents with so many health issues. I see that your dad went downhill dramatically after the covid shots; I'm sorry to hear that.
For 4 years, I had 2 parents to worry about and put them up in Independent Living until dad fell & broke his hip. Then I had to get them both placed in Assisted Living under emergency conditions and it was quite hard to deal with, so I can sympathize with your plight, having both folks to deal with at the same time. Very emotionally exhausting, to say the least.
Please let your folks know that they're in the SNF under doctor's orders and go visit them as often as possible. That's all you can do, and me as well. My mother's $$ will be running out soon for private pay, so I'll have to apply for Medicaid to get her into Skilled Nursing soon with a roommate. I can only imagine the 'conversations' we'll have after that happens, God help me.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation
This was a big hurdle to get over but seems you were able to do it. Do not remove either of them. This is where they need to be. In ur profile you mention they may both may suffer from a Dementia. If so, over time they will need more and more care. Both are already incompetent. One of your posts you talk about how you dreaded your turn to care for them. Soooo, its time for little white lies. "Sorry Mom but the doctor says, for now, this is where u and Dad need to be." Or be honest "Mom your care has become too much for brother and I. You need people who know how to care for you". Those suffering from a Dementia usually want to go home. Its familiar to them. You need to allow Mom to adjust. A month is not a long time. If Dementia is involved, she may not remember what you say. You may need to learn how to redirect.
From your posts I know Mom is not an easy person. Don't feel you need to visit every day. If you aren't in the mood, don't go. They are safe and being cared for.