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Her dogs are her "kids" as she never married or had children. When she is taken out of her home to the new place, the dogs will be taken to be rehomed. Any advice?
Many ALs allow pets, but Memory Care Assisted Living facilities do not. Since the Ops sister has Alzheimer's/dementia, she's likely going to be moved into Memory Care Assisted Living which he, as the POA, has the right to move her into for her own safety and wellbeing.
Further, the Alzheimer's association website specifically reccomends NOT discussing a move into dementia care with a loved one prior.
Below is a link to a pdf download from the Alzheimer's association about how to transition a loved one into Memory Care Assisted Living. Using fibs and medication is recommended, along with making no mention of the move beforehand. Have a look:
Yellowfellow, I'm so sorry you and your sister are faced with this situation which neither of you are happy about, I'm sure. Some things are just not fixable, especially when dementia is at play. We're often forced to pick the least of the bad options, unfortunately. I'm sure you're stressed out about this. Have you thought about getting her an Alzheimer's dog? No, of course it's not a real dog, but many people love them. Baby dolls also.
This post is extremely worrying. Why is your young sister being placed in AL without her having any say in the matter?
Surely, if your sister were not competent to make such a decision, or look after herself, then she would be placed somewhere with a higher level of care than AL.
Many AL facilities allow residents to have pets. Why isn't your sister going into such a place?
I'm worried that your sister will become extremely depressed and go into a decline if you railroad her like this.
Is this due to being unable to live independantly & care for her dogs?
While true that some ALs will allow pets I believe a resident must be able to care for them, take on the responsbity. If not, sorry no pets. Heartbreaking 💔 but necessarily practical.
If this is the case, if the sister lacks insight & understanding due to cognitive impairement (dementia? ABI? other?) I think I would get the transfer done. But I would try to soften the blow by; - Arranging a Psychologist to visit, to assist with helping her adjust to her new surrounds. - Ask Management about visiting pets. I've heard of volunteer groups of 'friendly visiting services' to aged care homes who bring a well-trained dog.
Years ago I met a sweet lady with Downs Syndrome who was admitted to MC in her early 50s. Had mild dementia that was expected to worsen. I believe she had to leave other pets behind but was able to bring fish in MC as she could manage their feeding herself. I think tank water checks/cleaning could be done as a paid service, arranged by her Guardian. I guess the fish would be removed in time as she worsened.
HI Yellowfellow - I'll just add something to the message that I just left. You want advice on how to "navigate this" - you stated that your sister's dogs are her "kids"- and that she's "unaware" of the plans you made for her move to assisted living. That's a lot. Without knowing more, if you want to make this easier for her, below are my suggestions:
- Communicate with your sister in advance - get her comfortable with this transition - involve her in the process - take a visit with her to the assisted living facility in advance - the way you've arranged this behind her back will be jolting to her. It was jolting for me to read it. She's only 54. - Her dogs are her "kids" - those feelings need to be respected and taken seriously. She should either go to an assisted living that accepts dogs or she should be able to still be in their lives. I think this needs to be handled very delicately.
Most ALF allow a pet. Has no thought been given to this? If you have someone with dementia so severe that you are hiding all of this from her and then transporting her suddenly without her pets, then ALF is not a correct placement. Someone that far gone would need MC. And to be honest, the shock of the loss of these pets, if they are not rehomed with family, could well kill her. Just my opinion as someone who has had pets all my life, and at 81 am still Fostering pets.
At my MILs first facility, the AL allowed 1 dog and the resident had to be able to fully care for it and keep it under control. I wish the OP would tell us why their Mom is going into facility care...
This week I visited an assisted living facility. It was wonderful to see the residents going in and out with their dogs, taking them for walks on the grounds. The person at the front desk kept treats on hand, and you should have seen the wagging of tails when the dogs walked in the door and ran over to her for their treats!
My mother's assisted living had many resident pets. They were fun for all the residents. I saw notices on the bulletin board put up by outside people who came and walked the dogs for them, so I'm assuming that some of the residents weren't up to walking the dogs themselves, but the hired walkers could help.
Don't ever think you can't take pets to an AL! Many of them welcome them.
The resident has to be able to care for their animals. Thisvis not the staffs responsibility. I can see allowing one dog but not 2. And it may depend on how big the dog is. Dogs should not be shut in one room all day. Not even a cat. Letting them roam the facility is not good either.
Does she have memory impairment? It will be easier to tell her a therapeutic "fib" in this case: the dogs are going to the groomers, or the vet for check-ups, etc. Anything you think she will accept.
This is a pretty drastic and sudden change for her. Does the facility have any events, like comfort pets that come visit? My MIL's facility has people that bring in specially trained dogs. At Easter my son (who raises show rabbits) brought a very docile bunny and MIL absolutely loved holding and petting it.
Was any effort made to try and find your sister an ALF that would allow her the dogs? perhaps the person who will care for the dogs will take them to visit. This is a terrible loss for your sister. I realize she must need the care and the move. It does not negate the pain it will cost her.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Further, the Alzheimer's association website specifically reccomends NOT discussing a move into dementia care with a loved one prior.
Below is a link to a pdf download from the Alzheimer's association about how to transition a loved one into Memory Care Assisted Living. Using fibs and medication is recommended, along with making no mention of the move beforehand. Have a look:
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.alz.org/media/cacentral/documents/professional-care-22-successful-move-to-dementia-care.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjLzrDD7oWGAxVwADQIHeNoDUYQFnoECA8QBg&usg=AOvVaw0f7K5HM3ofRjBWjjxNXyVo
Yellowfellow, I'm so sorry you and your sister are faced with this situation which neither of you are happy about, I'm sure. Some things are just not fixable, especially when dementia is at play. We're often forced to pick the least of the bad options, unfortunately. I'm sure you're stressed out about this. Have you thought about getting her an Alzheimer's dog? No, of course it's not a real dog, but many people love them. Baby dolls also.
I wish you good luck and Godspeed moving forward.
Why is your young sister being placed in AL without her having any say in the matter?
Surely, if your sister were not competent to make such a decision, or look after herself, then she would be placed somewhere with a higher level of care than AL.
Many AL facilities allow residents to have pets. Why isn't your sister going into such a place?
I'm worried that your sister will become extremely depressed and go into a decline if you railroad her like this.
While true that some ALs will allow pets I believe a resident must be able to care for them, take on the responsbity. If not, sorry no pets. Heartbreaking 💔 but necessarily practical.
If this is the case, if the sister lacks insight & understanding due to cognitive impairement (dementia? ABI? other?) I think I would get the transfer done. But I would try to soften the blow by;
- Arranging a Psychologist to visit, to assist with helping her adjust to her new surrounds.
- Ask Management about visiting pets. I've heard of volunteer groups of 'friendly visiting services' to aged care homes who bring a well-trained dog.
Years ago I met a sweet lady with Downs Syndrome who was admitted to MC in her early 50s. Had mild dementia that was expected to worsen. I believe she had to leave other pets behind but was able to bring fish in MC as she could manage their feeding herself. I think tank water checks/cleaning could be done as a paid service, arranged by her Guardian. I guess the fish would be removed in time as she worsened.
Dh’s parents have a dog. It can’t walk now or probably ever so they’ve got both their aides taking care of it.
- Communicate with your sister in advance - get her comfortable with this transition - involve her in the process - take a visit with her to the assisted living facility in advance - the way you've arranged this behind her back will be jolting to her. It was jolting for me to read it. She's only 54.
- Her dogs are her "kids" - those feelings need to be respected and taken seriously. She should either go to an assisted living that accepts dogs or she should be able to still be in their lives. I think this needs to be handled very delicately.
She's losing a lot, being placed against her knowledge--and I'm imagine the move will be hard on her,
Having a beloved pet to ease the shock may be just what the dr ordered.
Has no thought been given to this?
If you have someone with dementia so severe that you are hiding all of this from her and then transporting her suddenly without her pets, then ALF is not a correct placement. Someone that far gone would need MC.
And to be honest, the shock of the loss of these pets, if they are not rehomed with family, could well kill her.
Just my opinion as someone who has had pets all my life, and at 81 am still Fostering pets.
My mother's assisted living had many resident pets. They were fun for all the residents. I saw notices on the bulletin board put up by outside people who came and walked the dogs for them, so I'm assuming that some of the residents weren't up to walking the dogs themselves, but the hired walkers could help.
Don't ever think you can't take pets to an AL! Many of them welcome them.
This is a pretty drastic and sudden change for her. Does the facility have any events, like comfort pets that come visit? My MIL's facility has people that bring in specially trained dogs. At Easter my son (who raises show rabbits) brought a very docile bunny and MIL absolutely loved holding and petting it.
perhaps the person who will care for the dogs will take them to visit. This is a terrible loss for your sister. I realize she must need the care and the move. It does not negate the pain it will cost her.