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Your stepfather may be suffering from Parkinson's related dementia, and thus the angry outbursts. You don't say anything about what your living circumstances are, whether you live with him or what? Leave the room when he's angry and acting out, if it's safe to do so. Don't engage with him and give him more fuel for the fire.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet which has the best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here: https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:
The “Dont's” · Do not reason and argue · Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve · Do not demand that they remember · Do not demand that they get their facts straight · Do not correct their ideas or scold them · Do not reorient them · Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose · Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to · Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care · Do not act with impatience
The Do's · Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world' · Be aware of their mood or state of mind · Use few words and simple phrases · OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions · Do everything slowly · Approach from the front · Wait for a slow response · Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK' · Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment · Maximize use of remaining abilities · Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real · Maintain privacy · Provide a safe physical environment
Language Needs · Use short words · Use clear and simple sentences · Speak slowly and calmly · Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer · Talk about one thing at a time · Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas · Use common phrases · Always say what you are doing · If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information · Wait patiently for a response · Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words · Speak softly, soothingly and gently
Care Needs · Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive · Reassure with your tone and manner · Do one thing at a time · Talk through the care “play-by- play” · Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance · Be sincere · Use a soft, soothing touch · Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers · Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them · They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression” · If they become distressed, stop immediately and allow them time to calm down – don’t try to restart the activity right away You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the dementia because the person with the disease cannot.
jnwilms, welcome to the forum. Sometimes we need to step into the shoes of one who has a serious illness to understand how they are feeling.
Your step-Dad is upset with himself, as this isn't the type of retirement he had planned. So, of course, he will get upset. How to deal with these outbursts, just agree with him as he wants someone else to understand what he is going through.
Well said, and simplified answer, however, you cannot always agree with someone that is incapable of realizing that you are trying to help and they are making bad decisions for themselves. Always simply agreeing and going with the flow doesn’t do him any favors either in the long term.
Is there anyone who might not occasionally become easily angered? Is this new or extreme or violent? How did you deal with him before his Parkinson's diagnosis? What's new or concerning here?
My mom had Parkinson’s disease and developed dementia later. Mom wasn’t an angry person before or after her Parkinson’s diagnosis.
Parkinson’s disease is really stressful for a person to live with. Add dementia to the equation and it is even more difficult. They can also suffer with depression.
Every human being has become angry in their lives. We’ve all had valid reasons to be upset about one thing or another.
I certainly understand that it is completely normal for you to become frustrated with this situation. It is challenging to care for our loved ones.
Have you spoken to your dad’s neurologist about his behavior? He may prescribe medication to help with his agitation.
My mom was on Sinemet for her Parkinson’s disease. Parkinson’s patients aren’t always able to sleep well. Sinemet can cause vivid dreams. This alone could cause him to get cranky.
My mother’s doctor prescribed Ativan and Seroquel. These drugs helped her cope with her situation.
I recommend having a thorough evaluation and discussion with his neurologist.
My husband has recently enrolled in a program called Rock Stead Boxing which is designed for Parkinson’s patient. It is nation wide and has made an unbelievable difference for us. It is non contact boxing for strength balance training. Was recommended to us by our geriatrician.
jnwilms: Perhaps he needs to see his neurologist to see if his Parkinson's has an added ailment of dementia. His specialist should be made aware of this if perchance that is the issue.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet which has the best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:
The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience
The Do's
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment
Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently
Care Needs
· Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive
· Reassure with your tone and manner
· Do one thing at a time
· Talk through the care “play-by- play”
· Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance
· Be sincere
· Use a soft, soothing touch
· Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers
· Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them
· They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression”
· If they become distressed, stop immediately and allow them time to calm down – don’t try to restart the activity right away
You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the dementia because the person with the disease cannot.
Best of luck!
Your step-Dad is upset with himself, as this isn't the type of retirement he had planned. So, of course, he will get upset. How to deal with these outbursts, just agree with him as he wants someone else to understand what he is going through.
Parkinson’s disease is really stressful for a person to live with. Add dementia to the equation and it is even more difficult. They can also suffer with depression.
Every human being has become angry in their lives. We’ve all had valid reasons to be upset about one thing or another.
I certainly understand that it is completely normal for you to become frustrated with this situation. It is challenging to care for our loved ones.
Have you spoken to your dad’s neurologist about his behavior? He may prescribe medication to help with his agitation.
My mom was on Sinemet for her Parkinson’s disease. Parkinson’s patients aren’t always able to sleep well. Sinemet can cause vivid dreams. This alone could cause him to get cranky.
My mother’s doctor prescribed Ativan and Seroquel. These drugs helped her cope with her situation.
I recommend having a thorough evaluation and discussion with his neurologist.