So she raised me with invalidation and hate and made my dad and I hate each other etc. etc.
Now she's got dementia and congestive heart failure and copd, had the bag thing but doesn't anymore, needs oxygen and can't walk really on her own, (except recently when she came home from very short visit to hospital, where she walked across the room on her own). Ever since then it's impossible to keep her in bed; you turn your back for a second and she's getting up going who knows where. The caregivers she hired are no help. They clean the house while she sleeps and she can tell them what a great job they did, when I'm the one who already cleaned the house. She has sundowning and is crazy from midnight to sunrise. The hate she feels for me just pours out of her and she yells for me and at me all night long. I just can't stand there and be patient, like she needs. All I can do is check on her and urge her to stay in bed, otherwise I can feel mean getting ready to come out of me. She's currently in a nursing facility but I'm having to fight kaiser to keep her somewhere and to understand that its not good for her to come home and she just can't again. Anyone know where or what you call for help? Working on Medicaid and Medicare for housing costs but that can take a while even with special help. I think her housing runs out on Friday and I'm scared. They keep trying to deliver another bed. Everyone else sees such a sweet woman, they don't see the mean.
Best wishes to you.
Why is she in a nursing facility now? Does she need 24-hr care? How often are caregivers there? Do you live in her house with her, or does she live in yours?
Medicare only pays for rehab. And after 20 days only 50%. Mom is not guaranteed the 100 days. If not making progress, then she will be discharged. Medicaid only pays if Mom has no money. In my state, she is not allowed more than 2k in assets. Does she live with u or u with her? If she has a house and you live there than you can claim Caregiver if doing it for 2 yrs or more or claim it as your main residence. But u will need to prove u can keep the house up.
If Mom has money, then use it for her care in a NH applying for Medicaid when it runs out. Do not allow the home to do the application, do it yourself. In my state u only have 90 days to spend down assets, get them paperwork they need and find a facility.
That is the wrong mode for attack. What you do is kindly and gently speak to either the SOCIAL WORKER in charge of Mom's case. You tell Kaiser that Mom cannot return to her home. Tell them you are neither physically nor mentally able to care for your mother now.
The Social Worker will tell you "We can make this work; we can get you help". Tell then "No. She cannot return home" because the truth is they cannot get you enough home help and it will not work.
I am assuming you are POA and Caregiver for your Mom, so that is what you must do. They cannot deliver her home to her "housing" with no one there. Tell them no one will be there. Do not speak to them further. They will then find placement. I will caution you that it may not be placement near you, or that you can easily get to, or that is Covid-19 free, or or or or. Once you do the "ER DUMP" thing, it is fairly much out of your hands.
So you need to tell Kaiser that there is NO ONE at home to care for Mom. If they discharge her home it is an "unsafe discharge" as she needs 24/7 care that doesn't now exist.
I was the one who told him to have her evaluated for 24/7 care. He should be able to transition her from rehab to the nursing section. Keep telling them it will be an unsafe discharge to send her home. Told him to take whatever money she has and pay privately then apply for Medicaid. He was not given this info by O of A or the Social worker. They just kept saying he could get help. He can't. Very hard in my area.
If she's already in a nursing facility, tell them that there is no one to care for her at home and that you absolutely refuse to take responsibility for her care. The lace she's currently in will make arrangements for her. They will very likely try to convince you to resume the role of caregiver. They might even make threats to you and claim you're legally responsible for her. They are only threats because you're not. Leave her at the nursing home and refuse to take her back home. They will not put her out onto the street. If the nursing home won't keep her they will make arrangements at another facility. Then ask them to apply to the court for conservatorship over her. That way they will be responsible for her decisions.
In the meantime
Describe your home as being unsafe, Keep saying that she cannot live with you. Her current facility would normally need to approve (evaluate) her next location. So, its social worker might keep asking you ... Nope, nope, just say "No."