I've been caring for my Dad who has Alzheimer's for 1 1/2 years while my Mom has been in Skilled Nursing... He finally relented and they moved to their new "apartment" in a AL/Memory Care place last week. I scrambled and had several friends help move their biggest bedroom items and over this last week have it all set up nicely, made sure they both had items they wanted in the small apartment they share and have been there daily with items my Mom keeps coming up with that she needs. After all of this, I have barely received a thank you, not even a hand written note for Christmas nor for my birthday which was on 12/27. I've been doing everything for them for all this time and my Sister and her husband who live a 2 hour drive away have only been to see them 3 days in the last year and a half came in to help move the big stuff and it was like the President came to visit. BTW I work full-time and am still the top sales person in a stressfull industry...they do side jobs when they can get them. My Mom keeps asking more and more from me and I want to help them transition but still keep what little sanity I have left!
IMO, that generation is the most selfish, impatient generation of all times, it is all about them.
Only you can change this, start setting your boundaries today and remember NO is a complete sentence. The more you condescend to them, they more they will take advantage of you...not my rules, just how it works!
When you can do that, you can also become YOUR best friend and advocate without expecting anything from Queen Sister and her consort.
Whether or not they’re actually too disabled to consider your feelings or not, they will eventually be, and allowing yourself to practice SELF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT will hopefully soon become second nature to you.
YOU are doing what needs to be done, and that is a sincere and generous gesture. Now do the same, in ways personal to you, for yourself.
You deserve to be proud of your work, and treat yourself accordingly.
With their ailments they aren’t likely to remember the niceties of saying or writing thanks - and yeah I get the President part - been there too. Sister wasn’t working - I was.
Can only suggest you have a schedule and stick to it - bar any emergencies. Literally work time / your time (out) and their time. Pin visit times up so they know when to expect you.
You’ve done the worse bit getting them and their possessions there. Now start as you feel able to continue - with set times and duration of visits.
Congrats on continuing to be the top top sales person despite all the stress!
The move is a good step. May your parents adjust well.
Take time for yourself to recharge. And set some boundaries.
Pick a day or two to bring her things. Limit visits so you have time for yourself
All the best