My husband and I had to take over the care of my elderly MIL from my SIL.
A little background...My husband and I lived in another state. My SIL was continually asking to borrow money for my MIL's medicine and assistance to pay her property taxes...which we have done for the previous 5 years.
My MIL's property was paid for. She has almost 3 acres and had a tiny 3-bedroom trailer. Between her SS and husband's pension, she should have been able live comfortably.
One day my MIL decided she was going to run away from home and come to TX. Thinking she just wanted a break, Hubby drove to her home, picked her up.
He was shocked by what he saw.
The property had been overrun by junkies.
Her daughter, daughter's ex-husband, 3 children, their spouses, and 3 great grand babies, were all living on the property.
The trailer was in shambles with holes in the walls and floor, 5 outside dogs, 11 inside dogs, grass 4' tall. Drugs growing in the garage... you name it...
They all had money for drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol but no money to pay bills, or purchase mom's medicines. They ran up her credit cards, ran the phone bill so high it was shut off.
SIL also even now bullies "mom" into giving her money. We aren't looking at 40.00 here and there, sometimes it's hundreds...with "I have to have it"..with an "or else" tied to it. Or else I'll be sleeping in my car, I won't be able to go to work,..etc" yet she always has money for pizzas, fast food, taking her grandchildren skating, running around with friends, staying in hotels, etc.
MIL did not want to leave the property permanently - as her husband had died there.
Anyway, Hubby moved to her place.
He made it as uncomfortable as possible to stay there. Phone was shut off, (put mom on ours), cut off TV, power to their camper. After a few calls from Social Services, and literally physically assisting the police with arrests...they all left.
1.5 years later, hubby had the property cleaned up enough to put a nice double wide trailer on it and have a septic system installed. (Here a lagoon is all that is required).
Yes, the property is in MIL's name with my husband as the beneficiary. MIL and we also are making payments.
MIL's care became difficult for my husband so, I retired from my job, moved "home".
I take excellent care of my MIL. In fact, she is spoiled and with God as my witness she deserves it.
People drive by our place now and actually stop to tell my husband he is doing an excellent job and that place is looking so nice.
The local first responders (who were out here many times -not for MIL - for calls that were drug related) have mentioned some of the things they observed and have expressed their relief that MIL is now "safe".
Problem: my SIL and Niece (neice is now clean) have been telling relatives they are going to sue us for the property when mom dies because FIL verbally promised the property to them.
Do they have any standing? I wouldn't think so but I don't know for sure.
BUT, my SIL is very conniving. I don't trust her. When she comes over, things disappear, mom gets stressed - starts looking for money in her wallet, (without telling us "why"..which we already know.."why"...) and
Now she is trying to take mom out by herself "just to be with her".
Mom does not have a will, but has made my husband the beneficiary to her life insurance and property.
MIL's memory is really poor. She will ask me 15+ times while we are waiting at the Dr.'s appt. why she is there. I always answer, never raising my voice and always behaving like it's the first time she's asked...because to her it is.
SIL will take advantage of her memory issue whenever possible.
Suggestions?
Best out to you; wonderful the care you are giving your MIL.
Your SIL could contest but doesn't mean she is right. A Will should say why a person is not inheriting. In your SILs situation it can be said all the money Mom shelled out to her previously is her inheritance. Your niece? Grandchildren are not left anything in Wills usually. With me, my children only. If they want to give anything to their children that's up to them. There is a "trickling" effect. This means you can have it written that if a child dies, their inheritance will then go to their children, the grandchildren.
Ask a lawyer how a beneficiary is viewed legally. Can this be contested? If SIL contests, she will probably need a lawyer, can she afford that?
Just a thought...l so hope you kept any receipts in what it cost you and DH to clean up the place. Any costs in getting the squatters off the property. Cost of getting rid of the old trailer and putting in a new one. Because if SIL does contest, then half of your costs you may be able to deduct from her inheritance. Its her fault the clean up was needed.
Dad promising SIL would get the property...he is gone and it was not put in writing. I hope Dad had a Will and Mom inherited the property so the decision what to do with it is hers. If he died without a Will, then the State steps in and determines who inherits. Usually the wife gets a % and the children a %. Another good question for a lawyer. Please, get you ducks in order. Will save a lot of problems after Mom dies.
If no one is her PoA and a certified elder law attorney deems she is not competent to create one, then I would definitely pursue guardianship of her. That will put an end to SIL's ability to influence her. She can't change her Will after a diagnosis of dementia.
I'm not an attorney but SIL probably won't be able to sue anyone if she doesn't have a strong enough case and no funds to pay the attorney. Not to mention her speckled past / arrests, warrants, etc will be sure to come up in court.
Kudos to you for the a-mazing work you did on MIL's behalf. Blessings!
i know you said she has no money but the land, housing and the money have put into the property are worth something.
You and your husband sound like great people and I'm happy your MIL's business is all straightened out.
As for your SIL and niece threatening to sue because your FIL "told" them the property was theirs... Please that is ridiculous. My father said I could have a pony when I was a little girl. Should I have tried to sue him in my adult life because he didn't make good on his word? LOL. They would get laughed right out of court with that one, providing such nonsense even makes it that far. No lawyer will even take that seriously so don't worry.
If your SIL claims she's clean and sober, tell her to prove it. Drug testing kits are available at pharmacies everywhere. She wants to take her mom out "just to be with her" then fine. She should if she's clean and sober. Not if she isn't though.
Your husband needs to make sure his mother's money and assets are tied up tight though. I mean MIL can have no access to any money that does not go through him. Take her to a lawyer to get a POA done and a Will. This is very important because if your hubs doesn't do it, his drug addict sister will. Make sure anything of value at MIL's place is locked up good or removed from her house.
All addicts lie and the all steal. The test of time is what rebuilds trust and a long time of regular testing proving they are clean and sober.
absolutely no visits alone.
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