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Is your mother in pain? If so, this is reportable to her MD at once. You can simply drop a letter in the mail that your mother has cancer, is in pain, and your sister is refusing to medicate her as prescribed because of certain beliefs of hers.
Do know that withholding pain medications prescribed by a doctor for pain due to cancer is ELDER ABUSE and is reportable to APS as well.
I’m just confused here. If your mother is in hospice care why is your sister giving her the medication? Isn’t this the job of the hospice nurse to give the medication to your mother?
FOR in-home hospice, the hospice nurse only visits a few times a week, frequency can vary. Family or other care givers have to administer drugs or other treatments. You cannot allow your sister to neglect her this way. It is inhumane. Move her or hire someone else to come in.
It was rumored in our Church that a long time member took the pain patches from his wife who was suffering from cancer. You cannot allow ur sister continue. Hiring a aide would not be good because they are not allowed to administer meds.
You may need to take Fema. It can be done in increments on place Mom where she can be cared for.
My first question would be, is your mom showing signs of being in pain(ie. grimacing, hollering, etc.)? And if she is, she deserves to be able to receive whatever pain medications hospice has provided. Please let your moms hospice nurse and doctor know what is going on, as no one should have to suffer in pain while dying.
Your profile says that you and your sister are both living with your mom, so why can't you just give your mom the pain medications if needed when you are home from work? Also remember just because hospice will usually have pain medications on hand in case someone needs them, not all dying folks are in pain. A dear friend of mine just lost her husband to Lewy Body dementia, and he was under hospice care for the last 8 months of his life, and she never once had to use the morphine and Lorazepam, as he never appeared to be in any kind of pain. He passed away peacefully. She was fortunate, as all of us are not that fortunate, so just make sure that you're doing whatever it takes to make sure your mom is receiving the best care possible and receiving any pain medications necessary, so she too can die in peace.
That's why this sort of thing is done by adults and not children.
Sure, it's hard to 'come to terms' when someone is suffering at the end of their lives. Do it anyway. Compartmentalize. You do the work that's in front of you. The coming to terms comes later.
No one should ever be deprived of any kind of medication that can help their pain or ease their suffering. If you're the one who has to give them the morphine or some other drug, then be an adult and do what must be done.
If your sister is refusing to give your mother her pain medication that is ABUSE. You living in the house and doing nothing about it makes you complicit.
Her "beliefs" will not make one damn bit of difference to the police or the judge who arraigns her in court for the criminal act she is committing every day on your mother depriving her of her pain meds. I'm pretty sure the excuse having to work is not going to entirely keep you out of hot water either because you live there.
How can you allow this? You can't give your mother her pain medication? Or come home on your lunch break and give it to her then? Or put the paperwork in for the FLMA and be home with your mother? Or cut back on the volunteer work your profile says you do and give your mother her pain medication regularly? How about giving your mother her pain meds being your new volunteer work for a while? Or hire someone who will come when you're not available to give your mother her pain meds?
I was a caregiver for 25 years and worked for many at-home hospice cases. I would without hestitation report on both of you to the police, APS, and hospice and no mistake.
I am at a loss to understand how you can put your situation on this forum to strangers. Truly, I do not know how you aren't bent low with shame that you leave your sick mother on hospice with a crazy person who is depriving her of pain medication.
Everyone in this group knows how my mother is and even I couldn't be cruel as your sister and I can be a spiteful woman.
So here's what you do. Tell sister that you will be taking care of the pain meds from now on. You keep them in a locked strong box that she cannot access. You keep that box in the trunk of your car if you have to. Wear the key around your neck if needs be. Your sister doesn't get anywhere near your mother's pain medication. You start taking care of that personally.
If your sister gives you any kind of trouble or tries to make a fuss, call the police and tell them what's going on in your mother's house.
WITHHOLDING OF PRESCRIBED PAIN MEDICATION FROM A PERSON SUFFERING FROM CANCER IS ABUSE. PURELY ABUSE. Please report this abuse and get your mother the care she deserves.
Anxiety, family is not given enough morphine to kill someone. The worst that could happen is the person becomes addicted. And what does that matter, they are dying anyway. Morphine is also used to ease breathing. There is a doctor prescribing and a nurse that is very aware how much meds are being given.
You will need to stay home and administer the meds, hire a nurse to administer the meds or put mom in a N.H. where she can be given the meds.
If you don’t have the money, I suppose mom’s house needs to be sold or she can be put on medicaid and you can sell it when she passes to pay back Medicaid.
It is not an option to leave your mom in pain. Perhaps you could ask the hospice nurse if there are pain patches or long acting meds you could give her for while you are at work? Perhaps you could treat her before and after work and come home on your lunch hour or ask for FMLA?
Just forget about your sister and take action. You can’t trust her. I sure hope she isn’t your choice of a POA. More like a POS.
But I will say that tending a dying person is hard and if she is trying to do it 24/7 too hard. And I’m sure sister has her own demons yada yada yada. Mom needs to be in care.
I once read a Guardianship request for suspected abuse, withheld pain meds.
Son 1 was a 'no western meds' vegan who was fulltime caregiver for Father with end-of-life illness. Had withheld all hospice pain meds due to his own beliefs. Used herbal alternatives. Was reported by Son 2 to Adult Protection Services. APS required 2 x medical Doctor's opinions on whether the man was in pain (was now non verbal). Doc 1 chosen by Son 1 - was a medical plus holistic natural remedy doctor (Yep. Must be rare). Said the herbal stuff was enough, was not in pain. 2nd Doc (chosen by APS) agreed, patient appeared well cared for, no appearance of pain, but did hold some concerns due to the ridgid thinking of the caregiver.
Son 2 challenged for Guardianship. Was denied due to the bigger picture.
Father had chosen to move in with Son 1, understood his lifestyle at the time (as reported by others), trusted Son 1 & was not against his approach.
It was agreed in court it would be better to leave the man where he was, than risk adding harm to move him.
Heartbreaking. I'd bet, those brothers no.longer.speak.
I would most definately get a Hospice RN or Doctor to evaluate, would not wait.
Your sister is not suited to caring for someone on hospice if she refused to administer pain meds. Contact the hospice organization for discussion. In short, your sister is torturing your mother. Allow your mother to die with the least amount of suffering possible.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If so, this is reportable to her MD at once.
You can simply drop a letter in the mail that your mother has cancer, is in pain, and your sister is refusing to medicate her as prescribed because of certain beliefs of hers.
Do know that withholding pain medications prescribed by a doctor for pain due to cancer is ELDER ABUSE and is reportable to APS as well.
You may need to take Fema. It can be done in increments on place Mom where she can be cared for.
And if she is, she deserves to be able to receive whatever pain medications hospice has provided.
Please let your moms hospice nurse and doctor know what is going on, as no one should have to suffer in pain while dying.
Your profile says that you and your sister are both living with your mom, so why can't you just give your mom the pain medications if needed when you are home from work?
Also remember just because hospice will usually have pain medications on hand in case someone needs them, not all dying folks are in pain.
A dear friend of mine just lost her husband to Lewy Body dementia, and he was under hospice care for the last 8 months of his life, and she never once had to use the morphine and Lorazepam, as he never appeared to be in any kind of pain. He passed away peacefully.
She was fortunate, as all of us are not that fortunate, so just make sure that you're doing whatever it takes to make sure your mom is receiving the best care possible and receiving any pain medications necessary, so she too can die in peace.
That's why this sort of thing is done by adults and not children.
Sure, it's hard to 'come to terms' when someone is suffering at the end of their lives. Do it anyway. Compartmentalize. You do the work that's in front of you. The coming to terms comes later.
No one should ever be deprived of any kind of medication that can help their pain or ease their suffering. If you're the one who has to give them the morphine or some other drug, then be an adult and do what must be done.
Her "beliefs" will not make one damn bit of difference to the police or the judge who arraigns her in court for the criminal act she is committing every day on your mother depriving her of her pain meds. I'm pretty sure the excuse having to work is not going to entirely keep you out of hot water either because you live there.
How can you allow this? You can't give your mother her pain medication? Or come home on your lunch break and give it to her then? Or put the paperwork in for the FLMA and be home with your mother? Or cut back on the volunteer work your profile says you do and give your mother her pain medication regularly? How about giving your mother her pain meds being your new volunteer work for a while? Or hire someone who will come when you're not available to give your mother her pain meds?
I was a caregiver for 25 years and worked for many at-home hospice cases. I would without hestitation report on both of you to the police, APS, and hospice and no mistake.
I am at a loss to understand how you can put your situation on this forum to strangers. Truly, I do not know how you aren't bent low with shame that you leave your sick mother on hospice with a crazy person who is depriving her of pain medication.
Everyone in this group knows how my mother is and even I couldn't be cruel as your sister and I can be a spiteful woman.
So here's what you do. Tell sister that you will be taking care of the pain meds from now on. You keep them in a locked strong box that she cannot access. You keep that box in the trunk of your car if you have to. Wear the key around your neck if needs be. Your sister doesn't get anywhere near your mother's pain medication. You start taking care of that personally.
If your sister gives you any kind of trouble or tries to make a fuss, call the police and tell them what's going on in your mother's house.
Just not enough information given to really know whats going on
WITHHOLDING OF PRESCRIBED PAIN MEDICATION FROM A PERSON SUFFERING FROM CANCER IS ABUSE.
PURELY ABUSE.
Please report this abuse and get your mother the care she deserves.
Why on earth should your mom suffer because of your sister’s beliefs?
I bet if your sister had to change places with your mom, her beliefs would change in a heartbeat!
This behavior can only be described as abuse. I certainly hope that you can resolve this issue.
I can’t imagine how devastating this is for you to be dealing with. This is truly a tragic situation for your mother.
You will need to stay home and administer the meds, hire a nurse to administer the meds or put mom in a N.H. where she can be given the meds.
If you don’t have the money, I suppose mom’s house needs to be sold or she can be put on medicaid and you can sell it when she passes to pay back Medicaid.
It is not an option to leave your mom in pain. Perhaps you could ask the hospice nurse if there are pain patches or long acting meds you could give her for while you are at work? Perhaps you could treat her before and after work and come home on your lunch hour or ask for FMLA?
Just forget about your sister and take action. You can’t trust her. I sure hope she isn’t your choice of a POA. More like a POS.
But I will say that tending a dying person is hard and if she is trying to do it 24/7 too hard. And I’m sure sister has her own demons yada yada yada. Mom needs to be in care.
Good question.
I once read a Guardianship request for suspected abuse, withheld pain meds.
Son 1 was a 'no western meds' vegan who was fulltime caregiver for Father with end-of-life illness. Had withheld all hospice pain meds due to his own beliefs. Used herbal alternatives. Was reported by Son 2 to Adult Protection Services. APS required 2 x medical Doctor's opinions on whether the man was in pain (was now non verbal). Doc 1 chosen by Son 1 - was a medical plus holistic natural remedy doctor (Yep. Must be rare). Said the herbal stuff was enough, was not in pain.
2nd Doc (chosen by APS) agreed, patient appeared well cared for, no appearance of pain, but did hold some concerns due to the ridgid thinking of the caregiver.
Son 2 challenged for Guardianship. Was denied due to the bigger picture.
Father had chosen to move in with Son 1, understood his lifestyle at the time (as reported by others), trusted Son 1 & was not against his approach.
It was agreed in court it would be better to leave the man where he was, than risk adding harm to move him.
Heartbreaking. I'd bet, those brothers no.longer.speak.
I would most definately get a Hospice RN or Doctor to evaluate, would not wait.