My elderly brother lives at home, has had a stroke and has been determined to be competent to make his own decisions. He has a daily caregiver.
Unfortunately he refuses to shower, we have tried everything, and I mean everything to get him to do so. We have remodeled his bathroom, added heat, installed an expensive new ADA toilet with bidet, had home visits from OT and PT to evaluate and make suggestions, which we implemented. We have even offered him cash to shower. His doctor put him on antidepressants.
The problem is that he gets covered with feces. We are at the point of telling him we will not take him anywhere in public or allow his grandkids to visit unless he showers and changes his clothes since he is in fact a health hazard.
We have been turned in to Senior Services for neglect, but it's not our doing. Any additional suggestions?
Either use a soft or hard approach.
Softer: My relative had answers like Too Cold, Too Slippery. When delving more, a bigger picture emerged. It was #1. Fear, followed by #2. Discomfort. #3. Pride, at not wanting any help.
A combination of an experienced, confident regular caregivers, warmer bathroom, plus compromise worked.
Eg 7 showers vs zero = compromise for 3 x week.
Another however had bigger self-neglect tendencies + lack of insight (Anosognosia).
This required a harder approach. A simple choice: shower at home (with an aide) or in a NH. Your choice. But you DO need to shower.
Refusal of necessary hygiene at home will result in NH placement.
Soft plan A, harder plan B.
Good luck!!
Let your brother know this is the next step in his living arrangements once APS gets involved, so he may want to take a shower NOW in an effort to ward off what's coming next. I don't know if he'll understand what you're saying, but it's your last ditch effort here!
In the meantime, watch a few Teepa Snow videos on YouTube about bathing dementia elders; she's very good at showing you exactly how to approach the person, what mannerisms to use, words to say, etc. which may help you get him into the shower. Perhaps you and his caregiver can do it together, IDK. You have to assume fear is at the root of his refusal to shower; do you have a hand held shower unit, since many elders are fearful of standing under the sprayer? Are all the safety bars installed to make him feel secure in there? My mother was petrified of the 'slippery' shower floor, so I bought her a pair of water shoes you'd wear at the beach, and that did the trick for her. If you can find out WHY he's refusing to shower, that could prove helpful in your quest to get him in there to begin with! Many elders think they 'just showered' a few minutes ago, so memory issues are the problem for some.
You may want to read this 33 page booklet about dementia which does discuss bathing:
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Best of luck with a very difficult situation.
appear to be competent. I would suggest having his competency revisited.
My friend's LO must be forced (he's not violent; just verbally upset). The caregiver forces him, takes him out of the bed, into the wheelchair, and brings him to the shower.
But I guess you must have tried that.
Another point: my friend's LO will not listen to family, but he will listen to a caregiver. He'll be much more cooperative, willing, with a caregiver. But I guess your daily caregiver already tried that with your brother.
How about, the caregiver (it's always easier for a LO to listen to a caregiver), offers your brother his favorite treat (potato chips? candy? a yummy donut?) for every step he cooperates with: step 1 (get out of bed) (donut), step 2 (move towards the shower) (another candy), step 3 (get wet in the shower)...will get candy later, etc. But I guess you already tried that, since you said you tried all sorts of rewards (cash, etc).
Bring a model-looking woman over, and explain to your brother that the model wants him to look/smell good? Or some similar idea: the point is, some incentive where your brother would want to look/smell good, and would himself be embarrassed not to look his best for X person.
He's probably scared of the rushing water coming out of the shower head,
The Bribe: 'hot cuppa will be waiting after'
Stealth: since you are in the bathroom, let's wash your face & hands. Oops! Your shirt got wet. Better change it. While you are here let's wash under your arms...
Tough Honesty: You smell bad. Let's wash right NOW.
Used ALL these before but then sometimes still failed..
When person had been covered in poop, baby wiped but still refused proper bathing I told their Doctor on next visit. Dr dx Anosognosia & said supported living was required.