My mom is in a skilled nursing facility. She has been there 9 weeks and has had 2 roommates since she arrived. The room she is in has 2 beds. She now shares it with a lady who has been there 3 weeks.
At first, it was ok, This roommate (like my mom) has dementia, she is a kind, gentle, easy going lady that is pleasant but confused. My mom tells me the roommate steals from her, takes her toothbrush, TV remote & tissue papers & opens her drawers & walks around at night in the room, At first, I did not believe it because my mom has dementia with paranoid delusions.She imagines things that dont happen.
Well, today I find out that last night my mom's roommate wandered around into a few other residence's rooms & had my mom's hairbrush in her hand.
They are now watching her closer. I feel bad because when my mom told me last week about the stealing, I didnt believe her due to her paranoia.
Over the past few days I have asked the social service's director IF we can get my mom a more suitable roommate & the response was we are full and once a bed comes available, we can let you know and move my mom.
Other than this issue, I am reasonably happy with her care there, & my mom is happy, she likes the staff, doctors & they treat her well. The facility is clean, the residence look nice & well-dressed. BUT with my mom's dementia & paranoia I worry that this roommate is not suitable for my mom.
The other issue, IF she gets another roommate, what happens when that roommate rehabs & leaves? I can't have constant rotating roommates, this messes with my mom's dementia.What can I do??
FYI. I have been nice to the entire staff, the DON, administrator, social services and anyone I see there I compliment them & thank them for doing all they do & I appreciate them. We had a care team meeting last week and took 4 dozen doughnuts with us & thanked them all for working hard to take care of my mom.
I told the social service's director today that I am happy with my mom being here & hope we can "fix" the roommate issue & we know that my mom's baseline now seems to show that she is needing permanent skilled nursing facility care & I need to consider permanent placement & choose your facility, but I hope we can fix the issue, so my mom can live in some peace without paranoia and constant roommate changes.
I didnt want to give ultimatums because I do not want to come across as difficult & this issue is a better one to have than rotten care. They do give her good care & for that I am grateful. And they know it.
But what if anything can I do?
I know nothing's perfect, but my mom's paranoia is bad enough without revolving roommates.
Try to work out ways around the problems. A new room-mate could easily be worse!
It’s a frustrating situation and unfortunately is a common occurrence in any nursing home environment.
You’re a wonderful advocate for your mom. Wishing you and your mom all the best.
Stay ‘in the moment’, find things to enjoy with your mother and in your own life, and cope with the current problems as best you can. That’s really all you can hope to achieve! Lots of love, Margaret
Same for myself. Had room to myself, no bed, thought the same. Then, an inoperable bed was moved there (not get in trouble with state) was moved to shared room less then 2 weeks notice, ( not even see the room or meet roommate before move)
Mom probably has room to herself because of lack of new patients.
Remember, the majority of staff is 8 or 9 hours of work. They want to do their shift and leave.
Good example, dinner today was late. It did not get to the section until as almost 7. Day crew passed out what had been delivered. When 7 rolled around, they left. 😆
"Help help" lady sometimes yells at the 7 pm hour as well. She is ignored and left for the night staff to deal with
I know that not going to stop someone with dementia but at least the staff will know the who the labels belong to.
my cousin had the same situation. The revolving door is rooommmates. Well some were worse than others. Some would moan or yell for no reason or they got their hours all mixed up, awake at night…. So mom’s situation with a new roommate may not be better…
Hopefully they can get roommate to keep her hands to herself… and not take things that don’t belong to her..
I'm having similar problems with my mom in AL with who is assigned to her table in the dining room.
Is there some way that you can make your M’s possessions a bit more secure? If they are all laid out in full view on a shelf, taking them is just too easy. Could they go in a drawer very close to the bed head? Could something a bit less ‘personal’ than the toothbrush and hairbrush be put out to be the things that get picked up?