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We have not formally started hospice. Mother is not eating. Today I was only able to get her to eat Ritz cracker with peanut butter. Just 1. Protein drinks she takes maybe 2 sips. Gatorade maybe 1 small bottle per day. I fix her favorites. One bite then she pushes it away. She has even spit it out. She states she not hungry, or it taste flat or she just doesn't want to eat. HH, PT, myself, my sister and MD have all explained to her the need to eat. On a good day she would eat 1 chicken nugget, 1 peanut butter cracker and 3-4 spoons of yogurt or cold cereal. Thats it. There will not be any tube feedings ever. Currently she is able to walk, get to bathroom and do PT. But some days she refuses to get up and walk or do her postop exercises. She just wants to watch TV, sleep and complain that she feels bad/sick. Moderate dementia - nice & cooperative then mean, belligerent, rude & demanding. We believe she has UTI (lab not back yet). Sister doesn't see the need for antibiotics since it would prolong the inevitable, but I think antibiotics might be needed for comfort. Also what about BP meds? Would you continue with those? Need opinions on what to continue or just stop all meds (except those that relieve constipation - that would definitely be uncomfortable). Sister & I are beginning to believe that all effort we are putting into getting her "better" is not beneficial for her or for us. Would it be considered neglect to withhold meds??

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Please get help from hospice. Know that they shine at giving good guidance and loads of supplies. They are not hands on care. Stop pushing food, though it’s instinctive to feed people, it becomes unintentionally cruel when a body reaches a point of no longer being able to process food. It’s a natural occurrence for people to stop eating toward end of life, and food can become painful. Offer sips of her favorite drink. No more protein drinks. My dad’s wise hospice nurse advised me to make ice chips from his favorite drink. He enjoyed these from a spoon right to his end of life. Hospice can better advise, and quickly, on meds to discontinue. They will also bring meds to keep mom completely comfortable. I’m sorry you’re watching this. It’s both traumatic and an honor to see a beloved family member leave this world. Most importantly, just hold mom’s hand and let her know you love her. I wish you both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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I would not push food.
I would not push fluids and especially high protein and high carb drinks that will prolong end of life care for no real reason.
I WOULD cuddle up and watch TV with her, especially the happy old ones she remembers--you know, Andy Griffith et al.
I would let her sleep.
Remember, she will "turn her face to the wall"; she is busy leaving this sphere for another; eventually she will part from your love and it will be difficult for her to even respond to you. She is on another journey. You can't understand it now, until you take it yourself.

I would keep her well medicated esp with anti nausea drugs as most of the other drugs will cause some nausea in people unused to them.
IF there is complaint about burning of urine, bladder discomfort, then definitely antibiotics if she can tolerate them, or medication to prevent this burning and discomfort (speak with hospice).

Basically Hospice is there to answer these questions. Pass them ALL by the Hospice RN. Thank you for providing this comfort and end of life care. Remember that your goal now is not quantity of life, but rather quality of life. Let her eat and drink and sleep at will; keep her medicated. Tell her your memories. Watch the tube with her.

My best to you. Thank you for helping her in this exit. It is one of the kindest things you will ever do in your entire life.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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cover9339 Sep 30, 2024
You think she is preparing to pass?
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