My mom is 82 and is insulin dependent, has neuropathy and is becoming increasingly forgetful. She wants to live with us. My dad died 9 years ago, we have been trying to get mom to sell her house since dad died and it still hasn't happened. If she lives with us, she will be alone all day and we each work an hour or more from home. I know it won't work to have her live with us. I did offer this when dad died but she wouldn't sell the house and now it is harder than ever. I work full time and am too beat at the end of the day to do her cleaning and mine. Does Medicare or Medicaid pay for that ?
The reason I'm telling you about Assisted Living is that it sounds as though you aren't in great shape to handle mom 24/7. What will you do when she gets sick? When she gets worse? Care giving is a full time job in itself, and you shouldn't feel guilty about not being able to do it.
Before you make any financial decisions on her behalf, research the laws. And right not, get paperwork so you have a DPOA and Health Care Proxy. Good luck!
Been there, done that... it's hell, but it gets better if you make good choices.
Bottom line? As I and so many others have discovered here, the situation is NEVER hopeless. There are endless possibilities if you are willing to do some research.
The fact that mom wants to live with you is a huge huge plus. Honey take advantage of this as over & over on this site are kids dealing with parents who won't flat move out of their home or accept caregivers.
Where to start....my suggestion is to go with mom to her next endochrine doctor visit to see if mom is at the point where her doc will write orders for caregiving or skilled nursing needed. if she's not at that point, well it's good to know. if she's a brittle diabetic, she might qualify for community based program to deal with diabetics. American diabetic Association works with communities usually through your regional Area on Aging to get outreach programs done. This site has a drop down list of AOA by state.
HOUSE: have you tried to sell it? And no interest?
Or you want to sell it and are kinda overwhelmed at where to start?
Is there a mortgage, heloc or other debt service on the house?
What is moms financial situation? If she can afford caregivers - she gets SS, right? Probably has savings, right? - she can pay for sitters or caregivers to be with her while she is in her transition phase of saying in your home till house sold and she moves into AL or NH. Her diabetes management is kinda going to direct what type of place mom moves into as some AL just won't do insulin injection diabetes care. (Btw my dad was a diabetic, it can be quite the adventure)
If you & hubs or your other siblings are going to need to pay for anything to get the house on the market, please, please, please get an memo of understanding or promissory note between mom & you all as to how house related costs are to be reimbursed before house goes onto market. Mom may never need Medicaid but if she does you want to clearly be able to show there was no gifting of moms $ from the sale of her home. I'd suggest yiu take moms current legal and see an elder law atty to review, update as needed and get that memo of understanding done soon.
It's all a lot to deal with. You are going to be overwhelmed. Break stuff down into smaller projects and be organized. Good luck!