I was given POA and the Dr filled out the expert evaluation for the court saying my mom is not capable of making decisions about any aspect of life, food, money, medical or housing. My mom's previous atty quit because my mom called her non-stop asking to revoke the POA because she wanted to go home. Her atty told me she believed my mom to not be of sound mind and she couldn't assist with revoking the POA. I have that in writing. Mom is 100% bedridden and can't feed, dress, or toilet herself, she's dependent for every aspect of living. Yet in her mind she's 100% capable of living on her own. As of today an atty filed a revocation of the POA at the county recorders office. I'm the last person in the family who would even attempt to deal with her on any level. Now, she's burned that bridge all because she wants to go home. It's really quite something how corrupt the NH's and lawyers can be. I mentioned in another post how the NH slow walked the expert evaluation to me by holding it for 3 weeks before mailing it, and it expires at 30 days. The atty magically filed on the 30th day. Little do they know I went to the Dr's office in person 3 days ago and the Dr rewrote it to give me a full month. The last thing I discussed at the Dr's office is that she wanted to revoke the POA and they chuckled and said, "that's not going to happen". Now that the POA IS revoked, I have no desire to try to save her from herself. She is now fully at the mercy of strangers who have nothing in mind but using her for a meal ticket just like they did before she ended up in the NH. They surrounded her like vultures taking turns showing up at her house, billing Medicare, and leaving her to deteriorate to the point of needing 3 months recovery time. In the Dr's evaluation it mentions that she was abused or neglected before entering the NH. Funny, how could that be? She had all those health care people circling her for a year. The last day she was home and has any memory, the visiting Dr's were there and they gave her a clean bill of health. The police said she was severely dehydrated when they found her on the floor the next day. The Dr's didn't notice that when they were there the day before? She had multiple scabs and bruises, but the Dr's reported no bruises or markings etc? How do I fight her and the criminals? If she doesn't want protected from them, I wash my hands of it. All the people in the family have been very supportive of me walking away. I should have done it long ago. But, I felt it was the right thing to stick by her. I get thrown under the bus decade after decade by her, and now I'm finally taking myself out of the mix. She plays the victim when she doesn't get her way. Once again, the well practiced con-man in her showed up and got her what she wanted. Good luck and good riddance. The real victim is exiting the building.
In this situation, I probably wouldn't be accommodating with giving them info. Maybe give them the Bank she deals with but no paperwork I already had, like statements. Let them go thru the bank to get what they need. Sorry, you wanted control now u have it so she is your problem. Make it hard for them. Maybe "I need a formal request from your lawyer".
Yes, time to walk away. You have done the best for her over the last 46yrs. You can't do it anymore, your just beating your head against the wall. Take a deep breath. Go away somewhere nice. Block any calls from her or them. Its time for you now.
THEN walk away. That way you'll have done all you could have to notify the proper agencies of the abuses and of her vulnerability.
I already have my list of calls for tomorrow morning. There will be reports made and bonds sought. What they did was money motivated and a blatant crime. I read (state supreme court disciplinary site about ethics) in the case of an elderly person with diminished capacity, who already has an atty in fact, the NEW atty should take 4-6 weeks, meet with family, the DR, and the POA before ANY decision is made. Even under emergency circumstances, the atty has to meet with family before any decisions are made. They are criminals. He walked in, and less then 72 hours she signed papers. By ANY standard, that's unethical.
Guardianship/Conservatorship supersedes all of these mind games. It would end the issue of her competence/capacities. If you don't want any more of the games, the state will take over and it will be done.
Walk away with having tried. Good luck to you and your future.
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/this-sounds-like-elder-care-scam-beware-of-these-crimes-in-nursing-homes-476457.htm
This news article was in our local NJ paper and I thought it would be of interest and a WARNING to what can happen to someone.
'She says she was coerced into signing away her rights in a nursing home. When she got out, everything she owned was gone.'
https://www.nj.com/news/2022/08/she-says-she-spent-months-in-a-fog-in-a-nursing-home-when-she-left-everything-she-owned-was-gone.html
'How the Elderly Lose Their Rights
Guardians can sell the assets and control the lives of senior citizens without their consent—and reap a profit from it.'
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/10/09/how-the-elderly-lose-their-rights
what guy ?
If there is collaboration, it may rise to the level of intent to commit fraud, which I believe is a felony.
I would follow up with the Ombudsperson and file a complaint of elder abuse, but also report the attorney(s) involved to the State Bar for review. And I would research and locate the level of US attorney who could address this. I would also research to determine if there are other organizations, such as State Elder Law Centers, that offer some insight.
Is the nursing home a chain? If so, you could advise the home office of the situation as well as the fact that the employees (?) and administration have been involved in what appears to be fraud, and depending on the corporate structure, may involve the company at that level as well.
I'm sure there are more steps to filing a complaint against these shysters, but I'm not really sure what they are.
But it wouldn't hurt to search online to find an attorney who represents exploited elders; he/she would be more likely to know how to proceed in this complicated situation. An ordinary elder law attorney wouldn't ordinarily have this experience. You need someone with litigation experience, and if it's a firm instead of an individual, that's even better.
Yes, run for the hills, lol!
Does your daughter know how to "manage" your mother's tantrums?
I applaud your strength through this mess & the outcome of an neutral Guardian is a successful one.
I wish you all the very best going forward from here : this new line in the sand. I also truly hope the snakes get the punishment they deserve.
Thank you too. I have the scenario of applying for Guardianship for a LO looming into my future. I had always thought I would, until a Social Worker advised against. But I have also seen unscrupulous people already try to line their pockets by ripping of my LO. Not to the awful extent as you had.. but fills me with dread for the future. I have decided to take a leaf from your book & go the neutral Guardian route too.
Again, wishing you peace & a smoother path from here.
I would run, not walk away from Mom's care. I am relieved you have another guardian for her. It is difficult enough to do this job with an agreeable and loving and organized elder, as I did. And I could never attempt it for someone like your Mom. I sure thank you for this update.