my 96 yr old mom lives with me and my husband. I have poa of my mom and the homestead is in my name. however i have a niece who constantly tell mom that she and her family will stay with her at the homestead. Last week we had an argument and i told mom that my niece was not allowed on my property any more. today while i was away from the house. mom let them come visit. im scheduled for surgery this week and im afraid my niece may try to move my mom out while im away. what can i do? moms dr says she must stay under my care or go to a facility. i dont want to put her in a nursing home.
Second, does your niece know that the homestead is in your name? If she knew that, it might make it less attractive to her to live there, if her intentions are mercenary. Is there something else about your niece that you think is bad for your mother, or is she otherwise a nice person? Competent? Able to provide care?
Third --- does your mother's doctor say it's either you or a nursing home because at the moment, there's no other alternative? What would s/he say if there were a third option --- living with your niece?
Fourth, what does your mother want? Would she be happier if she could spend her last months or years at the old home?
And finally --- could her granddaughter give her proper care?
I'm not suggesting that you should turn your mother over to your niece. I just wonder how this looks from your mother's point of view, and from your niece's. Forbidding relatives to visit, etc., is pretty drastic --- it creates family feuds that divide siblings, cousins, etc. forever.
At this sitdown (preferably at your lawyer's office) everyone needs to know you have DPOA (not just medical to get her treated, but durable which means you control her assets and finances). If you don't have the DPOA, get it now, before you have your surgery! Otherwise, the niece or sibling will get it while you're incapacitated. Once it's established that you have control and that the homestead is "Mom's" and no one is moving in, that will stop any harassment or coercion you feel the niece is inflicting on your Mom. (It might however, cause the rest of the family to change tactics and start in on you. Be sure you've kept excellent records and receipts for all you've done for your Mom so they can't argue you've abused the money. Be sure you keep all doctors appointments and keep records of times you've given her medication so they can't claim neglect. And be sure to have the family over anytime they want (you can ask they call ahead, but unless there's appointments or other verifiable reason to not let them visit, try to accommodate as much as possible) to see your Mom so they can't claim you're abusing her in any way. In other words, prove yourself the angel you are. And keep in mind, she's their Mom and Grandma too, so you don't really have the right to keep them away from her, or her away from them, unless they are inflicting harm either physically, mentally or emotionally.
God Bless YOU for what you're doing for your Mom!