Husband is in denial about his diagnosed Alzheimer's. Mostly he seems stable but does peculiar things... recently ALWAYS leaving about 2 tablespoons of food on his plate. I serve him or he serves himself small portions since he says he doesn't enjoy food anymore. Knowing that is what happens in this disease. I remind him he needs nutrition, but he is still in denial. He is losing weight. I have googled this and apparently it is normal for those with dementia to regularly leave portions on their plates as a way to have control over something. When things like this pop up I usually discuss it with him since we both feel he is stable enough to discuss his illness. But with this food habit he is stonewalling me and it makes me sad. Have suggested he simply make his own meals, whatever he wants, to make a list and I will purchase it. He agrees but so far just forgets to eat anything at all. Help!!!
Here is something that helped me a lot in dealing with my 5 elders with dementia...
Rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible
(because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
Also, Teepa Snow videos on YouTube were extremely helpful to teach me how to engage with my demented LOs for more productive and peaceful interactions.
Good luck to you,.