Mother is 97 and lives alone. Very healthy for her age. She has no POA, doesn't tell me anything. Only other siblings is far away. I moved in with her briefly to help her, but she began verbally attacking me, screaming and accusing me of things. I don't know her medical diagnoses as I was never invited to accompany her to the doctor.
As soon as I was gone, she took me off her bank account and changed the locks!
She started falling; neighbors had to break the door down to get to her (I live almost 2 hours away). They told her in the ER she couldn't live alone anymore; she was sent to "rehab" in a NH; they DC'ed her to home and told me later she has dementia!
No plans in place for anything; if she didn't have great neighbors she could rely on, she never would've made it this long. She gets Meals on Wheels and other services, although I'm not sure what they all are. I'm out of the loop for the most part. She's always been paranoid, suspicious, and a control freak. Not sure what to do at this point except let it play out. As far as I'm aware, she is on no meds for agitation, depression, dementia, or anything although as I stated, I really am out of the loop medically.
We've never been close as she can be very nasty, although she plays the sweet little old lady with everyone else.
I don't know what's going to happen to her, as my spouse and I are moving out of the state in a few weeks.
She's still in charge of herself, recently took a van ride unaccompanied to a doctor's appt. 30 miles away. She uses a walker.
Not sure what to do, if anything.
You can help a person who does not want help.
If the neighbors or hospital call you, tell them to call Adult Protective Services.
Eventually, she will fall again, be declared unable to live alone and force-placed.
Very sad, but it's HER choice.
Do NOT take her into your home or move into hers.
Your mom hasn’t shared her life with you.
Even if you jumped through a million hoops and did back flips, I doubt that she would notice.
I am so sorry that you haven’t had a healthy mother/daughter relationship.
Do whatever you need to do for yourself and allow her to be the woman that she chooses to be.
Wishing you the peace that you deserve to have in your life. Take care.
After a few months had gone by (after she ran me off), I realized I needed to make some kind of peace because she is 97 years old and could pass at any time.
I wrote her a letter and she replied (she's able to write letters, so if she has dementia, it must be in the early stages?)
Now, we do phone calls.
I haven't abandoned my mother.
She seems happy enough. We chat about things we just don't discuss pertinent matters; I guess she wants it that way.
My mother refused to go into AL, she lived in the mountains of NC, one had to be a Billy goat to get in and out of the home.
Finally, she had a slight stroke and was afraid to stay alone at night, she kept calling the EMT for her imaginary strokes, so finally they started charging her $600 per call. that ended that.
My brother scooped her up and moved her to Fl, I found an AL, well guess what? She loves it, new friends, activities, she doesn't have to do a thing! Says she wished she had done this10 years earlier...just shoot me!
Anyway, she was almost 94, she is now 98! Let it be, move forward.
Leave it be, something will happen! Yes, we have her POA, but we did not have to enforce it.
All you can do is if Mom winds up in a hospital/rehab let the State take over her care. Tell them you cannot care for her and she will not give u POA. The cost of Guardianship is out of the question.
Your relationship with your mother is not a good one. it is your decision to make as to how involved you want to be in her care. If you plan to be involved don’t let guilt be your motivator.
I’m surprised you’re out of the loop. It’s up to you what you want to do, but if she has dementia (not strange at age 97), then she needs help.