For years my mom lived alone in her home, in a different state than me. We had the help of a home care agency on a very part time basis. I flew there several times a year, called her everyday and was in touch with her caregivers and doctors on a regular basis. My sister and her adult son lived about 15 minutes away and never once set foot on her doorstep. Not for birthdays, no holidays, not to take her for a short walk on a sunny day, nothing. There was never a card in the mail or sticky note on the door. Now that my mother's health is deteriorating and my husband and I sacrificed a lot of our own time and finances to work tirelessly to move her to our state, get her stabilized, get her home cleaned and sold, now I'm getting phone calls and texts requesting information about my mom from the estranged family members. She moved her 5 months ago and the only reason they even noticed is because now there is a "sold" sign in front of her home. I do not feel like I should have to update them on her condition and how everything has progressed in the last few years. I'm her POA as well as her trustee and I am doing everything by the letter of the law where her finances are concerned. My family and I, husband, children and in-laws are the people in my mom's life and always have been there for her since my father passed away. She has dementia and Parkinson's and needs a lot of love and care and attention and after everything I've been through I do not have the time nor the desire to have to explain anything to anyone who chose to abandone their loved one for years but now "want answers". Am I wrong? I just don't know how to respond because I'm certain they don't want to know how I really feel about them.
Based on what you said, it surely seems that it is "all about the money." It can also be indicative of your sister's "guilt." I have seen this type of behavior as a manifestation of guilt by the sibling who lived closest but could not "deal with" the idea of their aging parent. My brother, the attorney, was totally USELESS in my father's dementia, because he was totally unable to "deal emotionally" with the whole decline thing. I did everything myself, including all of the legal arrangements.
As others have suggested - do send the sister e-mail updates on your mother's health status. But I would leave any mention of money out of it.
You want to be on the right side of the street!
It's horrible that any of us who do/did caregiving have to go through this.
That's why I found the thread about repairing relationships with siblings after the parents are gone so amusing. Why on earth would you want to have contact with anyone who made your life more difficult and abandoned you, when you needed help.
And when the last parent passes, look out, they will be on the scene so fast it will make your head spin. They couldn't be bothered before, but they manage to have time once the elderly parent is no longer alive.
You are a smartie. You won't regret this move.
Good luck!
Went through the same exact thing, it is very upsetting to think someone who was raised under the same roof as you could be so evil.
You're a good daughter and you have something she will never have, time with your mom.
The one good thing about the do nothing sibling is they're very transparent to those who work in law firms, or in banks, or in a nursing home. They see right through these types as they know who is doing the caregiving and who isn't.
The sister "showed her hand" to the lawyer.
I like the idea of a brief note - if you have email, write one note and cc everyone so they all get the same thing. But now that I see your update, I want to say I am glad you took action.
My brother had the POT, but he rarely showed his face. He had his secretary jump in to manage everything but that created another problem. I'd been the caregiver for years, but suddenly, they demanded I step aside.
I don't want to go into the story, but please know that you must focus on loving your Mom and taking care of her, and let the attorney deal with the sister. Let go of the hurt and anger. You have to for your own health. It's the hardest thing I ever had to do.