It's apparently just a last minute one-time thing, but it makes me feel vulnerable. I really don't like when people don't take care of their own business, and it falls on my shoulders. I don't want to say no, because it seems wrong. At the same time, I worry about the ability of the CG to adequately care for two individuals OR supervise their kid the entire time to make sure they don't put anything in their pocket. They're also getting paid to do a job, and I volunteer (would never accept money from GM) to do the same thing so it frustrates me that I can't have peace of mind the few days a week I'm not there. One of her rings has been missing for a few weeks, and my radar is up. I don't like that I think that way, but I can't help it.
In the future, I'll have the agency call me if they can't find a suitable replacement. I'd rather do an extra night or 2 than worry and stress.
Sounds like the CG is an independent hire and not through a agency, or the agency would be involved to find a replacement CG.
Trouble is, if you allow it once, it may happen again.
What an awful position this CG has put YOU in. The CG is being selfish to assume that caring for the CG’s child is also your responsibility as she is putting you in a tight spot that you should not be faced with. The CG should have a backup plan she can implement when her babysitter doesn’t show up.
As for the missing ring, make sure it’s truly missing before you take action. I don’t know why you would keep this caregiver who may be stealing from you and is now creating more unnecessary stress for you?
I would also develop your own “Plan B” and find another CG.
My cleaning lady sometimes asks if she can bring her young teenage boy. I’ve know her for years, and like her a lot, and all he does is play on his phone, but he’s kind of a pita, so even then I cringe.
It's hard to say no because you want to help people, but you're paying someone to do a job! I feel for you with your cleaning lady situation. Hard to believe they don't see it as unprofessional either, but I feel like some people are just hard wired to ask for special treatment and be the "exception to the norm". I hate being an imposition and respect when people are diligent about being the same way.
I think it stems from the fact that I've traveled a lot. In many places around the world it's common to bring your kid to work. Be it whether you are a janitor or the CEO of megacorp. I've been in business meetings where there are kids running around the conference room. Bringing your kid with you is the way it's been done for hundreds of thousands of years. It's only within the last few decades that childcare has been a thing in the West. In many parts of the world, it's considered abandoning your child since you just can't be bothered to raise them.
I also think it helps whoever is being cared for to have children around. That's also the way it's been done for hundreds of thousands of years. This whole put the elderly here and the young over here thing is unnatural. In other parts of the world, child care and elder care are in combined facilities. It brightens the spirits of the old to have the young around.
Why are you dealing with this at all then? Did the CG tell you this and not her agency? Then I feel the CG was wrong again & should not be involving you & your family in her dilemma of lack of child care. The employee should show up ready, willing and able to do her job.
To find a replacement is the agency’s responsibility.
I agree, and do the same when I show up to a job. She was also like 5 minutes late, which never happens with any of the other cg's. One thing I found odd(and annoying) was that she told me how much my grandma missed me the day before and almost made me feel as if I was neglecting her by not calling and visiting throughout the day. Maybe they're used to family not being around, but i'm there 72 hours straight every week and don't get paid at all which is more than anyone else can say. She called me twice from my grandmas phone while I was eating dinner(and didn't leave a message) to probably tell me something that was un-necessary.
I get the feeling she was trying to gain re-assurance in the situation, and I gave her none.
I wouldn’t want to open a door to something that could happen on a regular basis. Plus, is the child well behaved or would she as a caregiver neglect your mom because she would become distracted with her child? A lot to consider.
My thought is this. Suppose the child had some kind of emergency during the day? The CG might then have to leave your mother to take care of that. Not likely but ... I'm just agreeing with those who say the CG's attention is divided when she should be 100% focused on Mom, and that's what she's being paid for.
I can totally sympathize with you. I get completely aggravated with people (I have a close relative!) who blindside me by making inappropriate requests on short notice. Then I get even more aggravated with myself because I was "nice" and said no when I shouldn't have. That sets a precedent, and makes it harder to say no when they ask again.
But the thing is, I can just about bet that she *will* ask again! So I can prepare how to say no next time. Hang in there. Take a deep breath. And don't worry too much about hurting her feelings. Focus instead on the safety of your Mom, and getting what you are paying for. Good luck!
I wouldn't be as successful as I am if I constantly asked for special treatment, and believe me, I don't expect any. I wouldn't have it any other way!
Extremely inappropriate.
Childhood illness (if exposed) would not be good for an aging adult.
My radar over something gone missing would also go up. I had Nest cameras installed in my home and told the aides. No explanation is needed as to why - it is "your" home and you simply want peace of mind when you are not home particularly when multiple aides are going in and out of your home. If they are honest, they will understand and not mind.
You can even speak via the app and also listen. For instance, I once checked the app video on my phone and realized my mom was in the bathroom for quite some time while the aide was reading a magazine. Via the app, I asked her to please get up and check on my mom. She immediately did so.
If the child had had an accident or gotten sick, andyour family member needed or wanted attention, whom do you think would be the priority? This is a very bad idea. As muh as we want to be nice, this isn't a path you want to start down. In fact I thought it was the fault of the agency who hadn't made clear to the caregive what her professional obligations entailed, ans shortly thereafter I changed agencies, even though we had had good aides from them.
Now that's one i've never heard before! I don't know which would irk me more of those two things. I think i'd say "keep the socks".
When is it ever appropriate to sleep in someone else's bed that isn't your parent?
This is totally unethical and unprofessional of the CG. She/he is being paid to do a job. You would be much better off giving her the day off w/o pay so she can deal with her kids.
You don't mention the ages of the kids, but that doesn't matter because each age group brings a different set of potential problems with them.
Don't do it, even if they promise it is only a one time thing. Once she/he takes advantage of you one time, it will happen again.