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I know a 93 y/o extremely wealthy woman who’s had 24 hour care for years. She has a lot of expensive jewelry & each week her POA comes over & they inventory her jewelry and other expensive items. Everyone knows this is done. She’s never locked up her jewelry! She used an agency once & it was a disaster! So far the independent caregivers has worked. If you decide to do this notify the management of the agency.

i know of an agency who’s in court right now because a caregiver stole jewelry. They’re sweating the outcome.

I really like the Nest suggestion. It will give you peace of mind and the agency & caregivers will be on notice. This is more and more commonly done because of technology.

From what you’ve said about the caregiver it seems she’s “independent” from the agency and will continue to ask for unusual things outside the realm of her expected caregiver skills. Also, her comments about what your grandmother said is weird. Seems to me the caregiver is trying to “guilt” you and that’s not appropriate. Calling you & not leaving messages. I’d immediately request another caregiver to replace her.

Yes, a sick child isn’t a good idea because your grandmother may be immune suppressed and vulnerable to any virus.

Maybe you should come up with a document you can post that outlines your expectations. No kids. Weekly inventory of valuable items. Anything else. Have every caregiver read this & post somewhere they’ll see on a regular basis. Give a copy to the agency.

Good luck. It’s obvious you love your grandmother & you’re doing a great job. She may not have the ability to express appreciation however I’m sure she does.
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Troubledwaters Mar 2019
Thank you very much! My GM is very appreciative and mostly struggles with short term stuff. She can still list every address she's ever lived at!
I am going to look into Nest, just one more thing(like the safe) that is fool proof and will be huge for security of mind.
I will say that she has 2 caregivers that are a little older and I like them very much. They're always on time and keep it simple, which I appreciate. The trust thing is fundamental and I do need to come up with an additional way to safeguard small valuables without having to hide away everything she owns!
Thank you for responding to everything I said, I question a lot of things and it helps to get some reassurance.
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I wasn't allowed to bring my child to my workplace when I was employed. I would never even have considered it, and just because it's a private home has zero bearing on the issue. This is a BIG NO and it's time to find a new CG.
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gdaughter Mar 2019
and while at least the caregiver asked...if you as family aren't there when she arrives and departs, how will you know she is NOT bringing the kid...I guess your loved one will let you know?
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Bad idea in fact. The child would get bored and can damage items by accidently knock things over, getting into them etc. Is the house childproof? Probably not.
I would be concerned the child would get hurt and you would be responsible. Ive personally seen that happen. And the mother said thats what you have insurance for... Her child climbed a tree and fell out. She cant keep her eye on the kid every minute. She will have to spend time getting snacks, keeping the kid entertained and out of trouble. You dont even know if she is a good parent with dicipline.
I had a neighbor come over. Couldnt even control her kids in front of me! My house isnt child proof. I told her that. They damaged items. She didnt care. Didnt offer to fix or replace. They even stomped on my plants right in front of me as I yelled get out of my garden. 6 Rose bushes newly planted. All stomped on. Mom did nothing. They werent allowed back after that. Period.

One thing I think would happen is that it is a one off, at first. Then next thing you know it will be more often until its a weekly thing. Nip it in the bud. Say NO. You shouldnt have to worry about the child and the elderly person. Most people cannot take their kid to work. That might be a way to slide the kid in there. That wasnt the arraignment. Why is the hired person changing the rules? NO. You hired that person to do a job. Period. You arent running a day care.
Once you allow that child in, it will be for a sick day, a snow day, a half school day, school holiday, summer vacation etc etc. You allow it once it will continue. You opened the door for it. Nip it in the bud. Put your foot down. You are really worried now. Your gut is telling you no.
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10-being then most inappropriate

From my personal experience, if they feel comfortable enough to ask you if they can bring their children, then they probably feel comfortable enough to think they can take things.

It is their place of employment, not extended family.
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Troubledwaters Mar 2019
Ok, this is exactly what I mean. There is more to it than just bringing the kid in that "one time"!
I got two missed calls from her later at night while I was eating dinner on my first night off after caring for GM. which just made me even more wary. Didn't even leave a message. I feel like she just wanted to get a "handle" on the situation.
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100% inappropriate!
Not even on the 1-10 scale.
What do you think would happen if your Loved One who is a fall risk started to get up out of a chair at the same time the "caregiver's" child decided to climb onto the counter. Who would get the attention? Who would Mom go to to protect?

You go to work...If your caregiver called in and said they were ill or their car broke down would you take your Loved One to work with you? It is a "one time thing and won't happen again" What would your boss say?

Yeah, no not appropriate.
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If it is a one off i would support.. it might even be uplifting for your lived one.
possibly you worry too much
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Well, if the kid is like most these days, they might have an ipad, and you won't hear a peep out of them!
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It's an 11 on a scale of 1-10.
Inappropriate doesn't even start how wrong it is.
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HI. On occasion, our caregiver brings her 7 year old child when she cannot get a babysitter. My knee jerk reaction was to tell her no more. But there are other factors in play. The boy is quiet and good...busies himself with homework or reading and needs no supervision. He is also good at conversing with my elderly mother and she seems to enjoy his presence. So under those circumstances, I do allow this as long as it is just now and then. If you have a great caregiver, you may want to consider the circumstances
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gdaughter Mar 2019
You're making me give a 2nd thought to this:-) Much depends on age, and if the caregiver has enough brains to know not to bring a sick kid. I'm also not insensitive to the typically lousy wages caregivers get, even/especially through an agency. It's one of the most important jobs on the planet, and the wages hardly reflect that; it's not enough.
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Under NO circumstances should you allow a caregiver to bring their child.  That is very inappropriate and unprofessional for someone to bring their child to work.  Too many variables of things that can happen.  If they are hired through an agency - then its the agencies responsibility to take care of it.
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Kathie333 Mar 2019
She must be a private caregiver, because an agency does not allow this,(children) and if it was an agency you would know to report if something is missing (ring). If you do have an agency, then I would look for another one.
If it's a private set up, then it's your call what happens, and your liability as well. If she didn't come due to a last minute emergency, babysitter car broke done, or babysitter called in sick to the caregiver, etc..., But if the child was sick and that's the emergency, then you differently don't want that around your elderly parents or yourself.
Sounds to me and I could be wrong, if she didn't come you wouldn't have had someone to take care of your parents that day.
That's why working with an agency has a lot of great perks. Example: backup help should something like this happens, ( they usually have several meets with the clients so they know each caregiver, missing items, they frown on that as much as you do!
Yes, they're a little more expensive, but in the long run are worth it.
I use to be a caregiver for a great company, it's great for all concern, believe me. Good luck, but you need to resolve some issues and quickly. Maybe get several caregivers, if you prefer private caregivers, and get referrals from them before you let them take care of your parents and in your home!
God bless you and your sistuation.
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Once is Okay if it is an Emergency. However, Not Every day.....The CG Should make arrangements for their own "Care Giving" Situation.
You say Missing ring? Red Flag. Talk Turkey. It appears that could Become, Hun, a Regular Thing. That has to End.
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gdaughter Mar 2019
Makes me think, just now, is child truly child, or is caregiver offering her sitter services and getting paid for two jobs? Sorry I am cynical, been in the business too long I guess. How are you going to ask for proof it is her kid? Messy. At first I would be hesitant to bring up the ring, but then again, by bringing it up and making clear she is aware it is missing, it might magically reappear...for fear of a police report....
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I feel this is totally a personal, case-by-case decision. I do not know what care entails, length of time, condition/temperament of your loved one or how many children. You have legitimate concerns. On the other hand perhaps an occasional visit involving children will be a POSITIVE event for your loved one. Are THEY able to put in any input? A SHORT visit first would be preferable to see how the interaction goes. Age/temperament of children? SOME children can be an added delight - giving personalized attention and bringing smiles/laughter.
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guiltridden64 Mar 2019
I do agree! One of our caregivers routinely brings her three year old to my mother’s. The child is the only one of all of us who can get her to exercise! She is the bright spot in mother’s days!
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I think it completely depends. My 86 yr old mother with alzheimer's would love it, like therapy. Only you know your caretaker and mother.
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Completely unacceptable. We had an aide ask that once and we told her either she gets a sitter or we will send someone else to the client's home. I have a small child and I do not bring him to work and I own the agency. They need to take responsibility in making arrangements for their children. No excuses~
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My mother in law would love it! She could observe a little one and an older child could read or converse with her.
Not every situation would work due to the patient and child's needs, but I wouldn't say "no" categorically.
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gdaughter Mar 2019
Yeah, that is a point...potentially, and especially with my mother...who likes the under 5 set...but the cold/flu issues outrank that I think...
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I would be very unhappy at any caregiver bringing a child . The first issue is health and safety and either the cater will be concerned about the child in the e house or else not care and leave the supervision of the child to the partner of the disabled client or non one of that's the situation. Totally inappropriate
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12.
For all the reasons you stated and more. Kids can be carriers of bugs...I didn't mean that in the literal sense, but that too...they get snotty noses and other things and you probably know it can be so much more challenging to care for a physically sick elder who doesn't stay isolated and spreads germs, and then you can get it...which is not to diminish all the outstanding relevant reasons you previously listed. Caregiving is stressful and exhausting enough for us good women to have to add the stress and burden in of you worrying. As for that ring...if she has dementia, and even if not, she might have hidden it...(?) but for goodness sake, go through the house and find the valuables and take them with you if you have people coming in, or get a locking handset on a door that you don't leave a key around for. You may need to find a new caregiver...
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
Actually, literally too. Head lice is common with kids.
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Absolutely not appropriate in this situation.

My MIL had a maid who brought her son (in his 20's) to work with her so he could move the heavy furniture, and later, when they THOUGHT MIL was out of town, moved the TV, the stereo system, the silver....yeah, bad idea, but we didn't know about it until she called us in hysterics that someone had broken into her home--get this WHILE SHE WAS ASLEEP and she heard nothing. A neighbor up early for a run saw a car in the driveway (4:30 am) and called the cops. we just felt lucky that they didn't realize MIL was actually home.

Even including all the "what ifs" and "just this once"--shoot, if I had to be to work and I knew it, and my kid needed somewhere to go I would have NEVER thought to take him/ her to my work!!
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Troubledwaters Mar 2019
That is awful. It's amazing how people take advantage when they think they'll get away with something. Truly horrible situation and I'm sorry your family had to deal with that.
Some people look at somebody with nice things and automatically assume they were born with a silver spoon and don't deserve x and y. Many from that generation survived through the depression and worked for everything they had(and fought wars).
It's too bad what this does to someones' trust in the world around them, and how can you blame them?! Such a violation. Thank you for sharing.
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Nope. Nope. Nope.

I even sent home a adult caregiver with a runny nose and raised hell with the agency for not teaching their employees not to show up sick.

Kids? Not a chance.
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Bgul913 Mar 2019
You people complain that someone has "called in sick" or "didn't show up for work." You may want to think that the paid caregiver wanted to provide her services, as required. But, for this one instance, she needed to bring her child along. If this is a one-time thing, so WHAT, if it's repetitive, then speak to the paid caregiver. There's no need to tattle on her by caller the higher ups.
If you don't trust the paid caregiver (missing ring), then look for another caregiver.
End of story. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but, each situation should handled at the time the problem occurs, do not wait.
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My Mum has dementia and used to attend a dementia clinic, where they would bring a class full of kids from the local primary school into the clinic. The kids would play games with the patients and they would tell each other stories. Both the kids and the adults got an enormous amount of pleasure from it and it became the highlight of Mum's week. I know for a fact my Mum would love to have a youngster come to visit, but then she has always loved kids.

I guess everyone's situation is different and it depends on the child and the loved one.
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vonrock Mar 2019
i would bring in neighborhoods and friends kids to visit my mom, she’d light up, happiness is easy to care for.
but boy, have a dog lay it’s head on her Bed, and it’s was “Well get up here you furball” pets and TV, she could hardly see. I got her a rabbit, they’d cuddle and talk. Not many people visit, they seem apprehensive.
kids and dogs, look out, good ones ‘nose right in.
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You said it was a one time thing - so what is the worry !? How old was the child? A toddler ? A youngster? Grade school - most kids are happy to play games on their devices / sometimes life can’t be avoided and you have to roll with it!
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Troubledwaters Mar 2019
True but in this situation, the considerate "rolling with it" thing in my mind, would be for the caregiver to take a personal day. Otherwise, their burden becomes mine and if i'm paying someone, I don't think that's fair. If my grandmas ring wasn't missing, perhaps i'd feel differently. I'm as uncomfortable with the lack of ethics, empathy for OUR situation, and foresight to prepare for this as I am actually having the child in my grandmothers home.
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I think the missing ring is more of a red flag than the child. It seems from other posts that some people might ike having a child there and others not so much. That would be your choice.
However, it seems you do not trust the caregiver per the missing ring. Perhaps it is time to find someone else.
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Caregiving is about peace of mind, and if you're not getting it, then it's a 10 on the inappropriate scale.
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I just thought of another great reason not to bring a child into this setting.
If the child has been exposed to any disease, chickenpox, whooping cough, strep, you do not want a person that is not 100% immunity wise to be exposed to something that may potentially be devastating and possibly fatal.
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gdaughter Mar 2019
One of my 1st thoughts gram; so many good thoughts here, some pros, some (lots more) cons...
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It is beyond inappropriate to bring a child when you are working as a paid caregiver. Her job is taking care of your GM period. Your GM's and your wellbeing are the most important things to consider. It is not worth the stress to you. I would report her to the agency. The agency doesn't want their workers bringing other people into their clients homes. There is also a liability issue.
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I would give a 10=Extremely bad. Everyone should have a back up plan. When I worked it was either take a vacation day or find someone to watch your child.

If you starting to have a not so "peace of mind" feeling and some jewelry is missing, I would report this person to the agency. You are paying them to provide and give 100% of their care, time and attention. If this person is unable to do that then she needs to find another occupation. In an afterthought, maybe you should remove all valuables from the house. You hear a lot about care givers robbing the people they are taking care of. There is no need to entice someone who might be legit, but could be swayed to be bad especially if themselves are hurting financially.

They always say listen to your gut. Your "gut" is right the majority of the time.
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What happens if the child becomes injured at your house. Caregiver can sue you.
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I haven't read all the responses.

I am of the frame of mind that there are lots of factors to consider.

1. How does GM feel about children?

2. Is caregiver offering a discount to you, since they can not provide the same care?

3. How does the child behave?

4. Assuming GM loves kids, can she participate in activities with the youngster?

I would think it could be a blessing for all of them. Our senior citizens have so much to offer young people and I think a one time deal could be used to break the monotony of life. If all the above is affirmative.

I owned a business and some took advantage of my easy going view point on kids in the office and others were more professional and wanted a separation of work and home. However, they would bring the youngsters in so they didn't have to call in sick and everyone was appreciative of the option to bring the kids to work. I did dock their pay based on time spent with the kidlets. Stopped abuse of the situation.

Use your best judgment, people will show their true colors. But I would demand a discount.
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Some all round answers, but if you don’t have common sense or knowledge to discern with, Get someone who does.
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Here, we don't have a problem with it but it depends on the age of the child and it can't happen every day. But I certainly wouldn't pay the caregiver any less and definitely wouldn't ask for a discount! As long as she is able to perform her duties, it's fine.
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Isthisrealyreal Mar 2019
There is no way you can have your child at work with you and do the same job. Kids require time and that is a fact. Why should anyone have to pay for 8 hours when part of that was spent dealing with their personal life.
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