It's apparently just a last minute one-time thing, but it makes me feel vulnerable. I really don't like when people don't take care of their own business, and it falls on my shoulders. I don't want to say no, because it seems wrong. At the same time, I worry about the ability of the CG to adequately care for two individuals OR supervise their kid the entire time to make sure they don't put anything in their pocket. They're also getting paid to do a job, and I volunteer (would never accept money from GM) to do the same thing so it frustrates me that I can't have peace of mind the few days a week I'm not there. One of her rings has been missing for a few weeks, and my radar is up. I don't like that I think that way, but I can't help it.
i know of an agency who’s in court right now because a caregiver stole jewelry. They’re sweating the outcome.
I really like the Nest suggestion. It will give you peace of mind and the agency & caregivers will be on notice. This is more and more commonly done because of technology.
From what you’ve said about the caregiver it seems she’s “independent” from the agency and will continue to ask for unusual things outside the realm of her expected caregiver skills. Also, her comments about what your grandmother said is weird. Seems to me the caregiver is trying to “guilt” you and that’s not appropriate. Calling you & not leaving messages. I’d immediately request another caregiver to replace her.
Yes, a sick child isn’t a good idea because your grandmother may be immune suppressed and vulnerable to any virus.
Maybe you should come up with a document you can post that outlines your expectations. No kids. Weekly inventory of valuable items. Anything else. Have every caregiver read this & post somewhere they’ll see on a regular basis. Give a copy to the agency.
Good luck. It’s obvious you love your grandmother & you’re doing a great job. She may not have the ability to express appreciation however I’m sure she does.
I am going to look into Nest, just one more thing(like the safe) that is fool proof and will be huge for security of mind.
I will say that she has 2 caregivers that are a little older and I like them very much. They're always on time and keep it simple, which I appreciate. The trust thing is fundamental and I do need to come up with an additional way to safeguard small valuables without having to hide away everything she owns!
Thank you for responding to everything I said, I question a lot of things and it helps to get some reassurance.
I would be concerned the child would get hurt and you would be responsible. Ive personally seen that happen. And the mother said thats what you have insurance for... Her child climbed a tree and fell out. She cant keep her eye on the kid every minute. She will have to spend time getting snacks, keeping the kid entertained and out of trouble. You dont even know if she is a good parent with dicipline.
I had a neighbor come over. Couldnt even control her kids in front of me! My house isnt child proof. I told her that. They damaged items. She didnt care. Didnt offer to fix or replace. They even stomped on my plants right in front of me as I yelled get out of my garden. 6 Rose bushes newly planted. All stomped on. Mom did nothing. They werent allowed back after that. Period.
One thing I think would happen is that it is a one off, at first. Then next thing you know it will be more often until its a weekly thing. Nip it in the bud. Say NO. You shouldnt have to worry about the child and the elderly person. Most people cannot take their kid to work. That might be a way to slide the kid in there. That wasnt the arraignment. Why is the hired person changing the rules? NO. You hired that person to do a job. Period. You arent running a day care.
Once you allow that child in, it will be for a sick day, a snow day, a half school day, school holiday, summer vacation etc etc. You allow it once it will continue. You opened the door for it. Nip it in the bud. Put your foot down. You are really worried now. Your gut is telling you no.
From my personal experience, if they feel comfortable enough to ask you if they can bring their children, then they probably feel comfortable enough to think they can take things.
It is their place of employment, not extended family.
I got two missed calls from her later at night while I was eating dinner on my first night off after caring for GM. which just made me even more wary. Didn't even leave a message. I feel like she just wanted to get a "handle" on the situation.
Not even on the 1-10 scale.
What do you think would happen if your Loved One who is a fall risk started to get up out of a chair at the same time the "caregiver's" child decided to climb onto the counter. Who would get the attention? Who would Mom go to to protect?
You go to work...If your caregiver called in and said they were ill or their car broke down would you take your Loved One to work with you? It is a "one time thing and won't happen again" What would your boss say?
Yeah, no not appropriate.
possibly you worry too much
Inappropriate doesn't even start how wrong it is.
If it's a private set up, then it's your call what happens, and your liability as well. If she didn't come due to a last minute emergency, babysitter car broke done, or babysitter called in sick to the caregiver, etc..., But if the child was sick and that's the emergency, then you differently don't want that around your elderly parents or yourself.
Sounds to me and I could be wrong, if she didn't come you wouldn't have had someone to take care of your parents that day.
That's why working with an agency has a lot of great perks. Example: backup help should something like this happens, ( they usually have several meets with the clients so they know each caregiver, missing items, they frown on that as much as you do!
Yes, they're a little more expensive, but in the long run are worth it.
I use to be a caregiver for a great company, it's great for all concern, believe me. Good luck, but you need to resolve some issues and quickly. Maybe get several caregivers, if you prefer private caregivers, and get referrals from them before you let them take care of your parents and in your home!
God bless you and your sistuation.
You say Missing ring? Red Flag. Talk Turkey. It appears that could Become, Hun, a Regular Thing. That has to End.
Not every situation would work due to the patient and child's needs, but I wouldn't say "no" categorically.
For all the reasons you stated and more. Kids can be carriers of bugs...I didn't mean that in the literal sense, but that too...they get snotty noses and other things and you probably know it can be so much more challenging to care for a physically sick elder who doesn't stay isolated and spreads germs, and then you can get it...which is not to diminish all the outstanding relevant reasons you previously listed. Caregiving is stressful and exhausting enough for us good women to have to add the stress and burden in of you worrying. As for that ring...if she has dementia, and even if not, she might have hidden it...(?) but for goodness sake, go through the house and find the valuables and take them with you if you have people coming in, or get a locking handset on a door that you don't leave a key around for. You may need to find a new caregiver...
My MIL had a maid who brought her son (in his 20's) to work with her so he could move the heavy furniture, and later, when they THOUGHT MIL was out of town, moved the TV, the stereo system, the silver....yeah, bad idea, but we didn't know about it until she called us in hysterics that someone had broken into her home--get this WHILE SHE WAS ASLEEP and she heard nothing. A neighbor up early for a run saw a car in the driveway (4:30 am) and called the cops. we just felt lucky that they didn't realize MIL was actually home.
Even including all the "what ifs" and "just this once"--shoot, if I had to be to work and I knew it, and my kid needed somewhere to go I would have NEVER thought to take him/ her to my work!!
Some people look at somebody with nice things and automatically assume they were born with a silver spoon and don't deserve x and y. Many from that generation survived through the depression and worked for everything they had(and fought wars).
It's too bad what this does to someones' trust in the world around them, and how can you blame them?! Such a violation. Thank you for sharing.
I even sent home a adult caregiver with a runny nose and raised hell with the agency for not teaching their employees not to show up sick.
Kids? Not a chance.
If you don't trust the paid caregiver (missing ring), then look for another caregiver.
End of story. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but, each situation should handled at the time the problem occurs, do not wait.
I guess everyone's situation is different and it depends on the child and the loved one.
but boy, have a dog lay it’s head on her Bed, and it’s was “Well get up here you furball” pets and TV, she could hardly see. I got her a rabbit, they’d cuddle and talk. Not many people visit, they seem apprehensive.
kids and dogs, look out, good ones ‘nose right in.
However, it seems you do not trust the caregiver per the missing ring. Perhaps it is time to find someone else.
If the child has been exposed to any disease, chickenpox, whooping cough, strep, you do not want a person that is not 100% immunity wise to be exposed to something that may potentially be devastating and possibly fatal.
If you starting to have a not so "peace of mind" feeling and some jewelry is missing, I would report this person to the agency. You are paying them to provide and give 100% of their care, time and attention. If this person is unable to do that then she needs to find another occupation. In an afterthought, maybe you should remove all valuables from the house. You hear a lot about care givers robbing the people they are taking care of. There is no need to entice someone who might be legit, but could be swayed to be bad especially if themselves are hurting financially.
They always say listen to your gut. Your "gut" is right the majority of the time.
I am of the frame of mind that there are lots of factors to consider.
1. How does GM feel about children?
2. Is caregiver offering a discount to you, since they can not provide the same care?
3. How does the child behave?
4. Assuming GM loves kids, can she participate in activities with the youngster?
I would think it could be a blessing for all of them. Our senior citizens have so much to offer young people and I think a one time deal could be used to break the monotony of life. If all the above is affirmative.
I owned a business and some took advantage of my easy going view point on kids in the office and others were more professional and wanted a separation of work and home. However, they would bring the youngsters in so they didn't have to call in sick and everyone was appreciative of the option to bring the kids to work. I did dock their pay based on time spent with the kidlets. Stopped abuse of the situation.
Use your best judgment, people will show their true colors. But I would demand a discount.