Getting so frustrated. We have it set up with food coming daily and same person know for years visits each day. But accuses everyone of stealing or coming in the at night. Seeing people not there even in the day time and become hostile and complains of not sleeping. Where do you start🤦🏻♀️
You start by finding out WHO is legally able to DO anything on the LO's behalf. This is the only place to start.
- does anyone have DPoA for the LO?
- does the LO have a medical diagnosis of cognitive impairment, dementia, ALZ, or memory loss by a doctor in their medical records?
- is it possible that the LO has a non-cognitive medical problem, like a UTI, thyroid issue, overmedication, etc?
If the LO has not assigned a PoA AND the LO is no longer mentally competent and cannot carry out their ADLs, then social services for their county needs to be contacted and the LO reported as a vulnerable adult. If they assess that the LO is indeed too vulnerable to be living alone, then they will move to acquire guardianship and will then move him/her to a facility where LO will be safe and get medical attention, fed and social interaction. The LO's family will have no control over medical/financial for the LO's affairs, but the family can still interact with the LO as family.
I'm so sorry for the distress in trying to help your LO from afar. I would start by contacting social services (Dept of Health and Human Services for your LO's county).
I relay all this to say - if you are concerned, GO TO THEM and see for yourself! Take them to their doctor for a regular physical, but relay to the doctor your concerns. If they will not willingly allow for help, have them involuntarily admitted for psychiatric evaluation - which might find dementia, infection, blood chemistry imbalances or mental health issues that are causing their problems, Social services at a hospital can help you with placement for LO if they need to stay in their area or can help with transferring them closer to you.
Are you the only family? Assuming you are you need to make a trip to where the loved one, speak with him or her. If they refuse help and are clearly incompetent, will not accept help then you already have in place a way of knowing if they are home and still standing (food delivery). You will likely have to call APS from your home and report adult at risk. Explain all you have tried (going there, attempting to reason the need for placement, etc). If you have no POA, then should the assessment be that the person is no longer safe alone EMS will be called. The Social Worker at the Hospital assessing for condition will ask if you wish to be Emergency Temporary Guardian in all likelihood, and can likely get you assigned. OR you can say that there is ZERO cooperation, you don't live there, you cannot move the person by you, nor can you move by the person, and you will have to tell them you do not want guardianship. At that point the State will become conservator and it is on them to assess assets and place the person; you will have no choice where.
It is awful when this happens, but looks like it has. If there is no other support or family I can't think of other options; I hope others have some ideas for you.
He went to check on his trailer one day--it was about 110 degrees--and with no shirt on--he fell and lay on the blistering asphalt for and hour. 3rd degree burns all over his front.
His sons (live here in Utah) FINALLY had him judged incompetent and pretty much scooped him and sister up and moved them home and put her in a group home and him in a NH. They sold his trailer for junk and all he got from it was his necessary paperwork--I guess it was totally infested with rats and mice.
They'd been trying for YEARS to move him and he wouldn't hear of it.
Sadly, it took this life altering even to make it possible for the sons to step in and care for dad and sis.
Uncle has long since passed--the burns and ensuing care took all the will to live out of him...but the kids who stepped up--they were furious with him for what he put their sister through.
Sadly, he was not deemed incompetent until this horrible incident, although APS had been called repeatedly, nothing was done. I'm sure his situation was not that unusual.
and take control . Take LO doctor/
neurologist... and set them up so they’re safe.
you need to be more proactive
If there are no POAs, you may have to seek guardianship (even with POAs this might be required. our mother refused to consider moving anywhere and the EC atty told me we couldn't force her and suggested guardianship. I don't think she was far enough down the dementia path to qualify, but the bigger issue was the place chosen for her would NOT accept a committal. In the end, we had to use a plausible fib to facilitate the move. Staff told me "just get her here, we'll take care of the rest", which they did, awesomely!)
Since the LO won't go to a doc, or discuss the issues, can you or other family member(s) go stay with the LO for a while? This would help to observe and document behavior and unsafe conditions. Once someone else is there, I would suggest contacting either the doctor or a care-giver agency and request an in-home assessment. The LO may or may not cooperate. I had already realized mom was in early dementia, so proceeded to hire aides, just 1hr/day to check on her and ensure she took her BP meds, and get her used to having them there. They sent a nurse for assessment first, who gave mom a better "test" than the ones used in a PCP office. She confirmed what I knew and gave recommendations, such as using a timed/locked dispenser for the meds. Mom would often miss the alarms (visual and audio) or just not take them, so the aides could point it out (they can't dispense.) This didn't work out, as less than 2 months later she refused to let them in. Plan B was MC, as it was NOT safe for her to remain in her own place and we couldn't provide the care needed.
The test was done in mom's kitchen, at the table. It was less "threatening" than going to the doc office. Two of us were there as well. No way to know if your LO would be as willing to do this with family present, but it's worth a try.
If possible while there, install some cameras (hopefully there is WiFi) to observe, if the LO can't be moved. There are SO many dangers involved with dementia. The lies, accusations and hallucinations are bad enough, but when living alone, you have no way to know if they are eating and drinking properly, are exhibiting any unsafe behaviors, whether they might wander off, etc.
Worst case, get APS to come while someone else is there. YOU could allow them entry (even if LO is refusing.) In order to get guardianship (and get LO to safety while that is pending), it would be best to have it documented. I'm sure most APS can "detect" dementia and/or unsafe behavior/conditions. They can't always do anything, but having their input could help with guardianship.
If no family wants to be guardian, then the state would have to step in. Do understand that while being a guardian is a lot of work, it does NOT require YOU to provide a safe place or the care for the person. You just become the manager for theirs "affairs." Also, if the state takes on the role, no one has say where she would live, what medical care she gets and all income/assets would be taken over/managed by the state.
NOTHING came of it. Minimally, I think they should have had a heads up that she's NOT Ok, by simply the fact she can't string two thoughts together...and that is took almost an hour for them to get her to answer to door..they could see her moving around in the house, but she couldn't hear the doorbell or the knocking or the phone.
Until she had a pretty spectacular fall last year and he fall alert went off and EMT's came, nobody but SIL had checked on her that day.
IF APS reported her as a senior in danger, then my DH could DO something, as it is, they supported her as being able to live independently.
She has no business living alone and making SIL come up every single day for 2-6 hrs to help her so she CAN maintain this facade of independence.
See All Answers