"She forged my name to appease her company and we do just as we like together!" my mother boasts. The companion has shared all her personal woes to my mother, drives her places when she isn't supposed to, and does whatever my mother wants. Lying to her company, forging my mother's signature (wtf: mom can write!) The lady is fighting for custody of her daughter, living with a wealthy guy who is now beating her up, and stuff like that. She sure sounds like a loser and abuser herself, but to my mother, "oh, she is so sweet." I have never met her in person. What precautions can I make? should I talk to her company?
If the paid caregiver from the home care agency is telling mom personal drama--that is highly unprofessional and is a training issue with the home care agency. About ten years ago I did a 3-week Nursing Assistant program at my local community college--my instructor REALLY drove home the point that we are NOT to discuss any upsetting personal information. Telling the people you're caring for a bit about your life is, of course, appropriate--it makes them feel more comfortable with someone who is providing personal care. However, my instructor said, and I'll never forget it, "you may, offhand, tell your 90-year-old patient that you got in a fight with your boyfriend last night. You may continue on with your day and think nothing of it, but that 90-year-old patient is very alone in that nursing home and will worry and fret about you and your safety. So don't put that burden on the people whom you are supposed to be caring for."
If this caregiver if being unprofessional and inappropriate, the home care agency supervisor needs to address it. Not to say the caregiver can't be sociable, but needs to leave the drama for her OWN mama.
I stated my concerns: basically that if this companion is forging my mother's signature (Mom can write, by the way!), and doing things against the company policy, how would any of us really trust her? Those boundary breaking behaviors (apparently mirrored in her own life) are raising many flags. So the supervisor was great and she agreed with the dangers of this lady paired with my mother's emotional instability. I asked the lady to not give anyone the clue that it was me calling to ask for a third eye on this situation. (My mother wants to be independent and doesn't want me to interfere in anything: even talking to her doctor.) The supervisor said she'll treat it like a routine evaluation and she'll see if she notices forged signatures. Next thing I know I am talking to my mother.
In the middle of our phone conversation, the companion lady is all upset and calls my mother who simply gets that call without saying anything more to me.
I callled my mother back after about 15 minutes. My mother tell me: "Oh that was so and so. Someone is complaining about her and she has to go to the big city for an evaluation."
Mom didn't ask me more. I got the feeling she was clueless but puzzled that her dear angel might be called on the carpet for something. Apparently she put anything together yet. I was mad that the companion felt it was important or necessary to call Mom and share that with her. That in itself was very unprofessional, wasn't it? So I called back the agency and told them what happened. The supervisor agreed that was unprofessional behavior again and was going to have a talk with the lady.
I ended with my conversation with the supervisor that I hope that this lady can be corrected in her behaviors and still continue her work with my mother, but I don't trust her at all. Would you trust someone who forges your name for ANY reason?
Maybe she just asked her caregiver to sign her name to the time sheet for the company, then they both laughed that it was "forging her signature". Unfortunately, this could all be your mother's code for a plea for help. You cannot tell either way, or can you? I am just guessing, because bpd loves to set the two of you up to fight. You, the caregiver, the agency. So glad you did not jump to conclusions, with the caregiver out of the way, mom's got you. Presume innocence until you have more info.
1. I asked the company not to disclose that I called them about this woman and that their companion aide can't be trusted. The result: the companion demanded of the company that she find out who is ratting on her behavior! Someone folded in at the company and said, "A family member."
Oh great: I am the only one who could have done that! This could ruin even more the tenuous relationship between my mother and I! I am only trying to do the right thing and protect my mother.
2. The lady in question (who forges my mother's signature, endlessy tells Mom who then tells me things like : this lady once went to prison, etc, etc)...now this lady is harrassing my mother to tell her who complained about her.
This is getting so messy. What can I do?
When Mom asked me if I had called this company recently I said no. I listened to my mother's feelings about the lady and then I said, "Well the company probably had a red flag and uses the excuse as "a family member was concerned," as their excuse. I am sure the company checks their companion aids regularly, or maybe they are suspicioius. Maybe they saw your forged name. Certainly that would raise a red flag. The company will send you someone else, don't worry."
After a while my mother said, "oh, well, it's no big deal."
So I hope that sits for a while and the lady goes away. Today my mother mentioned to me that this person had been in prison before! And no, my mother does not make up stories about people. Well, thanks for letting me air this out.
1) after this much time; and 2) prison history, abusive boyfriend, lost custody of daughter, forged mother's name!!! What are you waiting for?
It is a big deal Mom.
If you can go online, enter this agency's name into yelp.
Change locks too. Maybe a review will help you focus in how serious this is.