I am my father in law's caretaker. Over the past 2 months he became weak in the legs and has done nothing but sit and watch TV for a few months now. I took him to the hospital and the local hospital and VA cannot find anything medically wrong with him. As a matter of fact, health wise, he's perfect. He does not have alzheimers or dementia. He just refuses to get up to go to the bathroom. He pees on himself so much that he soaks through his diaper (which were only for accidents), a bed pad and a beach towel. It's much worse at night. I am literally doing 2 loads of just his laundry a day. Yet, we catch him up in the middle of the night getting into the sweets and will smoke a pack of cigarettes at night. So, getting up isn't the problem. We took away his cigarettes at this point. He has a nurse, a physical therapist, and an occupational therapist that come 3 times a week. He has built up some strength at this point. Anyway, the other night, he got up and went to the bathroom just fine and the next morning he was completely dry. So, his son gave him his cigarettes back that morning. After that, he peed all over himself and the couch twice that day and wouldn't go to the bathroom. Yet, he got up to eat the kids snacks. He even bragged to the nurse that having a "servant" (which apparently is me) is the way to be when she asked him why he was refusing to walk. He's healthy and it seems crazy, but he appears to be doing this on purpose. How do I deal with his behavior?
I wouldn't have been so tough but I sure didn't like his degrading remark, 'he even bragged to the nurse that "Having a "servant" (which apparently is me) is the way to be.", when she asked him why he was refusing to walk."
Nonsense! Don't put up with that cr*p. You don't need to be anyone's servant. Tell your husband he can do half the work (wash urine soaked pjs and underwear) if he doesn't want to send him to a facility.
Don't let anyone tell you he doesn't have dementia based on a 5 minute memory test. Dementia is often not about memory, it's about a person's ability to reason and use good judgement.
And it sounds as though his is sadly lacking.
What condition does he see his psychologist about twice a year?
What was his most recent a1C test result, and when was this?
After what he did this morning, I'll probably take him to see his psychologist and ask about adjusting his bipolar meds. As of this morning, he was dry and asked for a cigarette. I went in my room real quick and then went to take him a cigarette and caught him laying in the bed with his hand down his pants. So, I made him get up and discovered that he was purposely peeing on his bed because he didn't immediately get a cigarette. I'm starting to think his bipolar is acting up because he would do mean stuff 10 years ago before his meds were adjusted. I think they need to be adjusted again because if not, I'm gonna need some medication myself.
How you can deal with this is beyond me. You are a good wife and I hope your husband appreciates you!
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