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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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We are too rural for any support services to come out with out paying mileage. I figured 24/7 skilled nursing would cost over 15K a month, which is not possible. And captain, I am calling you out: You are a SNOT. Just because a caregiver is burned out and starting to worry about their own health and sanity does NOT mean they have bad intentions.
showtime, I'd be willing to bet that several people on this list have had that happen, and I hope they see this. As you know, whenever he is upset it is your fault specifically, so what's new about that, right? I'm glad you've had a brother through all of this, I'm an only :/ and had/have no one to spread the ownership. In an old person's mind, they've 'ended up in a nursing home' so try to give some slack for that. This is *story*-wise the worst thing that could happen to him; it's a pre-defined thing that everyone's talked about. He's surely lacking in flexibility at this age! and doesn't yet see whether he could be happy there. Maybe consider sending him a card, you're there and will be there... you can't change what's going on with his health much as you'd like to... and you'll love to come see him when he's willing to watch his language and behavior. Keep doing the right thing, you want that for yourself as well as him, you just also know that you don't have to put up with too much crap. Sending you many understanding thoughts. :)
Don't bring him home. It may be harder to get him back if you need to. Going from the hospital, rehab and then longterm is the best way to get medicaid. If he is in NH then someone felt that was going to be the best place for him. The dementia will only get worse. He will need a lot of care that you may not be able to give. 2 months is not long. Loved my Dad but he was selfcentered. He had a number of health problems. As he got worse so did his verbal abuse. Me, I would never have been able to deal with it. He would have been in a nursing home. Really think he would have enjoyed the home. Would have had a new audience for his stories. I don't think its selfish to look out for yourself. I think we need to figure pros and cons. Finances are a big thing. I would step back for a while. You can check on him by phone to the nurses. Is there a relative he likes who can checkon him? Sometimes people like your Dad are nicer to outsiders.
Has been in for 2 months. Yes, mild dementia, but is a malignant narcissist. Lived in same house for 50 years, week in hospital, 45 days in rehab. Now says my brother and I are dead to him and will not speak to us.
I pay the bills and want to go "no contact" for awhile. What a mess.
wintersun, in the old mans mind " narcissist " might apply to the kids who wont take care of him and banished him to an NH . maybe hes done a h*ll of a lot for these kids over a lifetime . my aunt could be living with her daughter right now but her daughter just doesnt want the inconvenience . aunt really needs nothing in the line of special care , only supervised for her safety .
I say give him some time. My mom threw me off her property she didn't know who I was and her husband (a**) didn't help the situation. He will eventually shift and for you hopefully for the better. Don't be hard on yourself.
I put one of my siblings on the no visit list. She was furious I had sold my mother's house to pay for the cost of her assisted living even though the house had been left to me as I had paid off the mortgage. She and her husband visited once her at her new home to scream at the mother and somehow my mother ended up with blck eye and bruises. My sister said she only gve her a ittle shove.. My sister feels my mother should have been "dumped" local nursing home as they are cheap- even though most nursing homes have pretty bad reputations in our area for good reason. That way the house could have been sold and she and her husband cou;d have gotten half the proceeds..
Yes, my mother has thrown me out of the NH. I had to leave her there because of her high needs, safety at home and my health needs and burn out. She lived with me for several years with minimal help from one sibling and nothing but trouble from another. I noticed she is at her worst when on sibling "stirs her up"! All my friends and other family members and fellow care givers on this site have been supportive. Except this one sibling. To showtimerskid, you're absolutely right about the captain! Definitely a snot! If his aunt only needs supervision and has nothing much wrong with her. She would not qualify to be in a NH! I know it's hard but keep going back. Go "no contact" for a while, try to keep calm when you talk to your Dad, and keep going back. Seems like you and your brother can support each other. Good luck to you.
My experience was a bit different. Some time back my wife and I went to visit my sister who had been placed in a nursing home. We lived across the country and her kids didn't warn us about her dementia. When we stepped into her room she squeezed back against the headboard and started screaming for us to leave the room. We were shocked and did as she yelled. My sis and I had always been fairly close so I was quite upset. It was my first exposure to dementia so I didn't understand. My wife is in the mid stages of dementia now and I take care of her with better understanding of what is happening. But, that doesn't make it any easier knowing that she is slowly slipping away from me. Dementia is a cruel disease.
the old man staying at my house right now has two daughter playing tug of war for his money and his help but when things get bad for burley there is no question in my mind that neither of these welfare queens would care for him for one moment . he'll be one you see in the news lying in a bed in maggots and feces . its easy to discount the demented elders as selfish old coots but there are 3 sides to every story . yours , mine , and the facts as a judge would see them .
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
And captain, I am calling you out: You are a SNOT. Just because a caregiver is burned out and starting to worry about their own health and sanity does NOT mean they have bad intentions.
I pay the bills and want to go "no contact" for awhile. What a mess.
in the old mans mind " narcissist " might apply to the kids who wont take care of him and banished him to an NH . maybe hes done a h*ll of a lot for these kids over a lifetime . my aunt could be living with her daughter right now but her daughter just doesnt want the inconvenience . aunt really needs nothing in the line of special care , only supervised for her safety .
its easy to discount the demented elders as selfish old coots but there are 3 sides to every story . yours , mine , and the facts as a judge would see them .
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