Elderly parents are hoarding. Any advice?

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Elderly parents are hoarding. Any advice?

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My wife and I are taking care of her elderly parents who live in an independent living apartment about 10 minutes away. They're pretty self sufficient but we're starting to notice a tendency to hoard, buying things they see on television, collecting junk mail, and other things in multitudes. Their apartment is so cluttered you can hardly walk through it and there's nowhere to sit. This concerns us alot and when we say something about it, we're quickly dismissed. There's a clear attachment to every single thing in the apartment. We're at a loss. The apartment was so cute and tidy when we first moved them in and it has progressively turned into a mess. They see no problem with the way they're living and are resistant to donating or throwing anything away, even junk mail. Not sure if we're looking at the onset of dementia or just old age tendencies, but the possession of "things" is getting out of hand. Nothing is in a logical place in this tiny one bedroom apartment. Just not sure what we can or should do. They have a cleaning service, so there's no filth, but it's impossible to clean effectively when the surfaces are all covered. Also worry about them tripping and falling. Would love some advice.

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Sounds like a throw back to the Great Depression where one kept things to use for a later time. I have that issue with my Dad with his collection of newspaper articles.

I have asked my Dad about his newspaper article collection, to which my Mom is trying to get him to clear away, and Dad's stock answer is usually "I don't have time to do this". Dad is 93, it's not like he is out being Superman, or standing in the middle of Wall Street doing buys/sells. Most of the day he and Mom are napping.

As our parents age it just takes them twice as long to get things done. As for the mail, usually eyesight is the issue and they put aside the mail for a clearer day. Buying stuff off of TV is their recreation, it's fun and in a couple of days a box arrives, it's like Christmas morning opening up the box.

I am surprised the cleaning service even goes into the apartment, but I assume the kitchen and bathroom are walkable, thus can be cleaned.

No matter what you say, you are the "kid", and what do you know :P Maybe the apartment management office could help, they could say they are doing a safely check of the smoke alarms, etc. And if management believes the apartment has become a fire hazard or too much weight from all the "things", then that way it's someone other than a relative telling your parents to clean up.

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I'm thinking control might be involved here. Yesterday I was having the windows cleaned in our sunroom where DH sits in his easy chair to watch TV. I asked if he'd mind if I cleared off and moved his chairside table to the center of the room while the work was being done. This usually super sweet guy (82, stroke recovery) got really mean about my clearing off the used napkins and placemats. When I sat to talk to him about it, I saw her was getting teary about his space. My daughter later said there's so little he has control over, he's highly attached to his spaces, like his favorite easy chair and bedside space. That helped me understand the emotion and sadness behind his stuff. He's given up 95% of what he used to control. Same thing about our 2 houses -- when I mention downsizing because of my workload, he gets loud and teary, asking me to wait until after he dies. I just hope I last that long.

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These are all great ideas! One more thought on tackling the "junk paper" hoarding; can you work with another family member as a tag team? Get another person to take them down to a common area for a treat (ice cream?). You can fill a garbage bag with the paper hoard. Put it in your car. I'm sure one bag won't take care of it all, but it lessened the pile. When they return have some coffe or tea waiting so all of you visit a few more minutes. If you do this every other week or so, it might help. They may notice and have a cow, but keeping lots of papers is not good either. Modify this idea if need be. Good luck!

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Get a psychologist who specializes in hoarding to do an evaluation. It sounds like they do have a problem and you are right to show concern. Get them some help before they spend all their money.

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What I did was throw away junk that was laying around. My father was apparently not able to distinguish between stuff he needed and scraps of paper and such. And it was piling up rapidly. He was buying tons of stuff from Bradford Exchange and they encouraged him to keep buying stuff no matter how many times I called and told them he had dementia. He would buy 2 and 3 of the same item. When the stuff was piled up to the ceiling in 2 rooms, I started sending some back. It might be difficult if you don't have poa,but if you reach the right person, someone will help you.They won't notice what is gone, and they'll forget about it.

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First and foremost I would check their medicine cabinet or where ever they keep them. Toss out all the expired medications. I had to do this with my Mom. Little by little, she never noticed. Good Luck

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I wish I could take a picture of my dad's coffee table. He has got post it notes, bills and let's not forget about all the little Reader's Digest tickets that he needs when they knock on his door with the balloons. He just told me this morning that he got a letter with another ticket that says he is DEFINITELY in the final drawing for money each mo. for life. I used to talk myself silly trying to tell him he's not going to win (yes, I know someONE does) but I've given that fight up. He doesn't have dementia, 93 and doing "pretty" well. I was going to post almost word for word the same thing that freqflyer did. When I cleaned out my great aunts apt. years ago I was appalled at the things that were in her closet, kitchen and pantry in a one bedroom apt. I've never seen that many tubes of toothpaste, bars of soap, or pantyhose! Depression Era alright. Not hoarding. With my dad and deceased FIL, they just can't/couldn't process as quickly as they once could. Heck, I've slowed down myself. :) My FIL used to tell us he was busier in his 80's than he was when he worked. I can see why he said that. His coffee table and dining room table were full of papers he just didn't know what to do with. He was overwhelmed. My husband FINALLY let us take over all the mail/bills. We would do it there with him though so he could at least open it up, see it, then hand it over or throw it away when we told him it was junk. It seemed to make him feel a lot better rather than us taking everything. As for Hokiegirls, I don't know the parents, can't diagnose them because I'm not a doctor obviously but I just don't think hoarding is the problem. I just think it's the depression era thing going on and loving the chase of the next box coming. I do like the idea of having the mgt. coming in as just a "looksee" on the fire alarm. My dad's cleaning lady told him that she couldn't clean the coffee table or top of his dresser with all the paper on it. They might start doing the same thing with your inlaws. Just a thought on this.....could you tell them that you could box some things up for them and store them until they needed them? Anyway, good luck and God Bless.

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There's a difference between keeping things and hoarding. One keeps things because they like them or don't know wh a t to do with them or they get lazy so they will think about it later. Hoarders need all their stuff. My mother is a hoarder. Before i brought her to my home she collected everything. She would have 20 clean empty tin cans in the closet, 25 clean yogurt containers, 12 meat trays all thi gs she needed. When asked what for she'd come up with a reason to use one, when i asked why do you need so many she would get mad. When i went And cleaned out things like years worth of the cotton balls they used to put in medicine bottles she nearly had a break down. It's a mental disorder. Now she is in , my home with only one room but she still collects things they're just smaller things like the twist ties from the bread bag, pencils and pens, tape, napkins, all things she needs. When the clutter gets too much we try to cut back with her making the decision that perhaps 10 twist ties are enough instead of 30. It's very difficult and if you let it get out of hand it is dangerous. With so much stuff they can fall or if so much is stacked up it can fall on them. Just know you need a lot of patience if it's really hoarding.

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My husband suffers from dementia, OCD and hoarding. It is important to remember that "things" represent a form of security to them. Something that doesn't make sense to us is so very important to them. They also develop strong emotional attachments to "things".

It didn't do any good to just get rid of things while my husband was away at work. He noticed the missing items immediate and then went into discomfort. He was hard to live with after I got rid of the old, oil soaked wooden shelves in our garage. I told him we would get new wood for new shelves, etc. Nothing consoled him.

Even now with dementia, I switched his truck key for a look-alike key and he noticed right away. He became inconsolable for days as he looked for the missing key. He couldn't rest. He paced endlessly.

This scenario repeated itself as he lost other things. He cannot rest until he has his "important" things. I don't know of any answer. I tried to reason with him and help him understand hoarding. No luck. I tried substituting "security" items. No luck.

The best help was Fluvoxamine that a psychiatrist prescribed. His hoarding subsided. To date, he only hoards 7 chapsticks, 5 metal flashlights, 12 handkerchiefs, 4 nail clippers, candy, 3 packages of cough drops in his shirt and pants pockets. I weighed the contents of his pockets and it weighs 8 lbs!

But do seek professional /psychiatric help for this little understood disorder. And read up on it. It sure helps to understand it. Your frustration level goes down just a bit. The very best to you and your loved ones.

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I don't know if this would work or not. Tell your parent(s) that the church or hospital is have a rummage sale [find some place that is holding one of these].... that the church/hospital needs wonderful things to donate, such as quality clothes, games, fake flowers, etc.

Knock on wood, my parents haven't started hoarding, but I still try to get my parents to downsize some of their stuff. All I can say when it comes to donations, with my Mom it is one knick knack per year :)

Elderly parents are hoarding. Any advice?

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