I am an avid cyclist and live with my elderly mother. When I am already in the process of taking a shower, or getting dressed in my biking attire, or about to head out on a ride. It somehow triggers her to want me to do something that necessitates my getting off my bike. Groceries not included, today I told her what she wants(a movable plant/tree today) wouldn't cause the Stock Market to crash, the house to burn down, the car to fall apart, or the heat to go out. I moved the plant after I had come back and changed. Because the plant would have ripped my biking attire. Had I moved the plant, when she wanted.
It's about setting boundaries. It's being able to say " I'll do it when I get back". And sticking to it, even if she has a meltdown.
Nice to be able to take back some control in a small way.
Mally1, My mother even tried moving a tall bookcase while I was out on my bike a week ago. It fell over on top of her. When I found out that she did it because I was not available. I told her, she should have waited.
JessieBelle, IF I had been wearing just gym shorts, and a t-shirt, I wouldn't have had a problem. But, When I am riding my (road)racing bike. I am wearing my bike helmet, biking sunglasses, biking gloves, racing bike shorts w/racing jersey(they are a set)my hippack with my ID. I also wear vekcrove ID bracelets. When I did move the plant, if I had not changed when I got back. All my biking stuff could have been damaged irreparably, if I tripped, or the pointy edges scraped my clothes somehow.
Yes, most of us I'd say. You need to take all the other poster's advice and not give into her. Nip it in the bud now, but expect it to get worse as she get's older. You'll have to stay on top of balancing your need to have a life with her need of you.
My folks use to go to the post office every day to pick up mail, and when they stopped driving they expected me to do the same. Or as Dad would say "if you are driving by the post office could you get our mail?".... I rarely if ever was on that side of town but was guilt into being their personal mailman.
Eventually whittled it down pickup to once a week, unless mail delivery of prescription meds were coming in, they wanted me to check twice a day :P Oh joy, especially during blizzards.
Then I said "enough was enough", use the driveway mailbox for ALL mail. But Mom said "if you had a post office box we would pick up your mail for you".... the matter is I wouldn't have a post office box to begin with.... [sign]
Something that sounded so simple became so demanding.
In addition to wanting everything immediately, I think they lose all sense of other people's time or convenience. My mother would think nothing of calling me up at 8 pm on a Friday night saying "I took my sheets off the bed to wash them - can you come over right now and make up my bed for me?" (That was when she could still do her own laundry but not make her bed). Like everybody said, you have to set boundaries. And if she backs you into something, tell her than next time, you want to know in advance or be asked to set a time that works with your schedule. It's thoughtlessness more than anything, combined with a false sense of urgency that comes from god knows where as the person ages.
Another one she does is her glaucoma eye drops. She'll come in the room and ask me if I have more Lumigan. I'll tell her I gave her a new bottle 2 days ago, so it's around somewhere. Then she yells "I can't find it and I have to have it. You need to go to the drugstore." So I go in the living room and there it is, setting on the table. If it had been a snake...
It's terrible when independence, memory, and vision are lost. It puts a lot of little things into the lap of the caregiver. It may not be hard work like digging ditches, but it is mentally grueling.
So yes, there is freedom in that aspect. Being able to sleep according to your own needs is a blessing.
AL has been positive on my end. On my mom's not so much. When I stepped back and looked at the situation, she was not happy here with me and complained about everything too. There is no pleasing her. I can't turn back time 20 years when she was happy at home with my dad. (She complained all the time then as well. :()
No AL is perfect which is why we have to be vigilant for our loved ones. My mom just won't rely on them for simple things which drives my batty.
freqflyer, Yes, It is exasperating. Especially when she tries to guilt me into doing something.
Carla, Exactly!
windytown, Yes they are.
CaringRN, She needs to make a list of things she needs done. But one of them is a reminder to make a list of the things she needs done.
I wondered if it might be an idea to give her a firm commitment of when whatever she wants doing will get done. But actually, if she's started doing stuff like that, I'm not sure how much longer you can expect reasoned discussion to work.
I hate to say it, but it could be that "unreasonable" no longer applies. Don't expect her to be reasonable if she's passing, or has passed, the point of being capable of reason.
When I got there, i saw atop her dr table a pile of wooden slats, the type used to make wooded panelling in a room. Several bundles, must have weighed 50 lbs...in a Home Depot bag. I went back to the hispital and asked about them. " oh yes, i brought them home yesterday. Had to walk with them to the busstop (three blocks), but i got them fine. (This was in July, 90 degrees out, she's 78 with copd. Couldn't see that there might be a connection between the exertion and the hospitalization.
We set her up with a car service account to be used for trips like this.