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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Give her socks to sort and roll up; undies to fold; a big-piece jigsaw puzzle to put together on a tray; towels to fold; hard-boiled eggs to peel; digital recordings of the Lawrence Welk Show; her favorite performers; potatoes to peel; hand her all the plastic baggies you get at the store -- her job's to roll them in a little ball; have her pick lint off things out of the dryer; rinse and repeat.
Keep her busy.
Doesn't make any difference if you have to re-do what she does or don't need it done. If she has some little something to do? Her focus may be on that instead of your lil' self.
Those are good ideas! Sounds like she could use something to hold onto... If not a live pet in your home, do you think you could try and find some stuffed animals she would like? It makes little kids feel safer... just an idea. Have some around and see if she picks anyone up.
Have you asked her why she is following you? At stage 1 this is really unusual. Give her something to occupy her mind, enroll her in a senior day care center for socialization, get her in an exercise program, etc. If you don't use your brain, you will lose it...
The above all all good ideas ... also, a doll baby to hold and care for, or the big yarn projects for toddlers (lacing with holes) - even water colors with paper for painting. Think of how you would care for a toddler as it sounds like she is in a later stage of dementia. Or there is an underlying fear that you may not be aware of and if she is conversational you may want to ask her about this. Hope that helps!
When this happened with Mom, the only time she would pay attention to anything was when she was in close proximity to me. This did not abate until her doctor prescribed a medication to balance the obsessiveness.
This reminds me of my mom right now (mid to final stage) this summer she was following me around constantly. I would finally get her to sit down to watch America's Funniest Home Videos and I would head to the kitchen to try to get some of my work done when one of my kids would start talking to me, I'd give them the whisper signal but it was too little too late...she was right back behind me...LOL!
Speaking of keeping a person busy ... The women at a local church made Activity Aprons. The apron hangs around the neck and can be tied in the back. On the front of the apron are a zipper, a set of keys, a set of beads, buttons, and a pocket with a small stuffed animal. These things were sewn onto the apron and the ends were covered with a small patch.
Every time I turned around, I would bump into him which gave me claustrophobia but it was all the 'why are you doing that?', 'how come?' and if asked if he wanted something specific to eat 'I don't know" until he saw me eating it and then would say 'I will have some of that'. I go to bed at night and it is like when I use to roller skate and got off the skates and felt like I was still skating b/c I close my eyes and all I hear is a cacophony of the days questions. He is not far enough along to agree to the great suggestions that have been given.
Excellent useful answers. My dad watches tv all day or sleeps. He used to love people and were very social but now he does nothing. I should try puzzles too.
If she has capability, I've used "sorting" types of activities. For example,I had a patient with earlier to mid-stage dementia. I asked him to help me sort through a pile of colored index cards (there were 4 different colors) because "the colors got all mixed in together and I want the same colored cards put together", and asked if he could help me. He did very well with it...and actually exceeded my expectations. The colored index cards had lines on one side, but not on the back. The patient was having problems with a couple of the cards and I couldn't figure out why. I then noticed that the two cards he couldn't seem to "sort" had the lines showing up on them! When I turned the cards over he had no problem placing them in the right color piles! This also provided me with feedback about his level of cognitive functioning.
This same person had been an engineer at one time and liked doing home repairs when he had been able. I got a small plastic box with dividers in it and a variety of nuts, bolts, washers, screws, etc., (nothing too small) and had them in a pile all together. I asked him if he could sort through them and place the ones that were alike into a divider in the tray. Again, he amazed me with his ability to understand what I was asking, and he was able to accurately sort through each type of item and place them in separate compartments in the plastic box! I've also seen people use large colored beads, little "pom-pom" "balls of yarn of different colors, large buttons, etc. Also sorting by "large" and "small". Some people use muffin/cupcake tins as their "container" for sorting. I try to find something the person may have had an interest in at one time. ****One does need to be aware of whether the person may be at the stage where they might put an item in their mouth and choke on it. In later stage dementia, our volunteers made little square "fabric" books. Various colors and textures of fabric were cut in the same size of squares. They were then bound together on one side to make a "book".
Many people with later stage dementia like the different tactile/touch stimulation. (This is one reason why you'll see some people with dementia rub their hands together rapidly.) I was surprised one day when one of my patients pointed to a pretty flower print fabric in a fabric book and said "blouse". So, I started using the fabric books with some patients asking them what they would use a certain fabric for, or say "I think I want to make a dress. Which material do you think I should use?" Or, "Which color do you like best?"
Just like with the one suggestion of having someone fold towels, etc. I had one patient who could be easily entertained with a cloth place-mat. She would role it up in various ways , un-roll it, and start all over again. This went on for about an hour.
I think part of the challenge with dementia is that one's capacity to make sense of one's world becomes so compromised. The ability to think through what needs to be done next, or remember where something is, is gone. So, the person follows someone around whom they are most attached to and/or trusts. They need that person to help them organize and navigate their way through their now confusing day to day world. I know I'd stick pretty close to my "source" of food, water, bathroom, if I couldn't remember how to get them for myself!
Wow...sorry for the long answer!! But, I have one more suggestion. Online you can find "adult" coloring pages whose themes are not so childlike, e.g. more detailed cars and trucks, sports, mandalas, detailed plants and flowers, Bible stories, copies of Master artists' works (Picasso, Monet, Van Gogh). All are free to print out and use.
The only way that I got space was to leave. My Mom would also follow me around and it would drive me bonkers. It seemed like I always had to be in her line of vision for her to feel safe but it was wearing me down. She went to assisted living 3 weeks ago and our relationship has improved since I am no longer her focus. It is difficult.
The only action that works for me is to park my wife on a porch chair where she can watch what I am doing and that doesn't last. It is dangerous to visit our bathroom for an extended period as she will walk out of the house and head down the street. I also have found her sitting in one of our cars or in the truck. Yes, just sitting there while I am frightened as to where she disappeared. When the kids were little, younger than four years old, a rope around the waist and tied to a tree worked fairly well. Maybe that is the next step.
Not only was she under foot like a child while in my home, mom would freak completely out if I wasn't directly in her line of sight. I couldn't use the bathroom in my own house without her having a panic attack. Going to work and coming home was an ordeal. She refused to do any kind of simple tasks.
This was one of many factors that led to her living in a senior community that had all the levels of care on one campus. It's good we moved her when we did because she had several significant declines this year and is now in a locked memory care unit there.
My Mom jokes she would like to go to the bathroom by herself.. Dad will follow her up if he's not caught ( and even sometimes when he is. he's crafty). He will sit on the stool in the bathroom while she "goes". (no pun intended).
Peachy, I poked around this website. I could not figure it out. I will have to use my imagination and try to make one for my Mom. Thanks for the suggestion.
I think the only pix on here are the profile pix so they will come out really tiny. Or, without usign the http:// part give people a link to where your picture is on the web.
It ought not to be much or a hardship to have a needy dementia patient follow or accompany you asking questions about a world that does not make sense anymore.
If you are the caregiver, then that is part of the care you give.
Remember the caregiver's creed [actually, The Nurse's Creed]:
To heal, sometimes. To improve, often. To comfort, always.
God bless you.
Learn to relax and take it in your stride. Think of the confusion your patient is enduring throughout his life because his mind is failing and do be sympathetic.
Great ideas! I got a flag the other day from a Yankee game and showed it to her and she asked if she could put it back in the bag it came in i said sure mom but its gonna be hard i cant even do that. She tried for 10 minutes and finally got it. Something soo small could make her happy. Also try and turn around give her a hug and say, i love you mom but i get nervous you might trip, when she gets too close. I do the opposite with my mom i tend to follow her cause i think she is unsteady and i dont want her to fall. God Bless!
Caregiver99, I think there's a difference between being a paid caregiver as a "job" vs. living with someone 24/7 and providing care. marci5699 said this is someone she lives with. A paid caregiver can do their job and go home. They get a break. Not true when you live with someone. It's kind of like being a parent of a toddler who follows you everywhere even into the bathroom, and will cry outside the door if you stop them from coming in. You KNOW intellectually that they mean no harm, but dang....after awhile you'd just like a little bit of personal time and space!
It ought not to be a burden to live with someone Shadowing, but it is. Not every moment of caregiving is a blessed holy gift from the Heavens. Sometimes it is gross, nasty, horrifying, scary, annoying, and nonsensical. Anybody who says differently has either not really done caregiving for years on end or is lying. Or maybe they just got really lucky and had an angel for an elder. Not a lot of us get the angels.
Shadowing doesn't turn off & on or pass like gas. Shadowing is non-stop, incessant, day in, day out, every day, and the day after that, and the day after that until the break has degenerated enough that it stops. I would rather have a teething, colicky infant than a Shadower.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Keep her busy.
Doesn't make any difference if you have to re-do what she does or don't need it done. If she has some little something to do? Her focus may be on that instead of your lil' self.
Good luck!
I'm gonna have to try making my mom one of those aprons : )
This same person had been an engineer at one time and liked doing home repairs when he had been able. I got a small plastic box with dividers in it and a variety of nuts, bolts, washers, screws, etc., (nothing too small) and had them in a pile all together. I asked him if he could sort through them and place the ones that were alike into a divider in the tray. Again, he amazed me with his ability to understand what I was asking, and he was able to accurately sort through each type of item and place them in separate compartments in the plastic box! I've also seen people use large colored beads, little "pom-pom" "balls of yarn of different colors, large buttons, etc. Also sorting by "large" and "small". Some people use muffin/cupcake tins as their "container" for sorting. I try to find something the person may have had an interest in at one time. ****One does need to be aware of whether the person may be at the stage where they might put an item in their mouth and choke on it. In later stage dementia, our volunteers made little square "fabric" books. Various colors and textures of fabric were cut in the same size of squares. They were then bound together on one side to make a "book".
Many people with later stage dementia like the different tactile/touch stimulation. (This is one reason why you'll see some people with dementia rub their hands together rapidly.) I was surprised one day when one of my patients pointed to a pretty flower print fabric in a fabric book and said "blouse". So, I started using the fabric books with some patients asking them what they would use a certain fabric for, or say "I think I want to make a dress. Which material do you think I should use?" Or, "Which color do you like best?"
Just like with the one suggestion of having someone fold towels, etc. I had one patient who could be easily entertained with a cloth place-mat. She would role it up in various ways , un-roll it, and start all over again. This went on for about an hour.
I think part of the challenge with dementia is that one's capacity to make sense of one's world becomes so compromised. The ability to think through what needs to be done next, or remember where something is, is gone. So, the person follows someone around whom they are most attached to and/or trusts. They need that person to help them organize and navigate their way through their now confusing day to day world. I know I'd stick pretty close to my "source" of food, water, bathroom, if I couldn't remember how to get them for myself!
This was one of many factors that led to her living in a senior community that had all the levels of care on one campus. It's good we moved her when we did because she had several significant declines this year and is now in a locked memory care unit there.
If you are the caregiver, then that is part of the care you give.
Remember the caregiver's creed [actually, The Nurse's Creed]:
To heal, sometimes.
To improve, often.
To comfort, always.
God bless you.
Learn to relax and take it in your stride. Think of the confusion your patient is enduring throughout his life because his mind is failing and do be sympathetic.
God Bless!
Or maybe they just got really lucky and had an angel for an elder. Not a lot of us get the angels.
Shadowing doesn't turn off & on or pass like gas. Shadowing is non-stop, incessant, day in, day out, every day, and the day after that, and the day after that until the break has degenerated enough that it stops. I would rather have a teething, colicky infant than a Shadower.