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My mom is makes too much money? She has no other assets than her retirement. She needs assisted living but can’t afford it? Am I just waiting until she is so unwell that she has to be placed in a nursing home? I just don’t understand how everyone on here is talking about assisted living like it’s no big deal?

Give us old people a pill to take when we have had enough!
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Barbaradoll Jun 2, 2024
I want one when it’s my time
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I'm sorry you're going through this. I had the same question. My mother is in assisted living and the bill is close to 6,000 a month. Her social security (2,000) and retirement check (2,000), plus money from selling her house, will pay for another 4 years. After the house-sale money runs out, my salary will have to pay over 2,000 a month to keep her there. Thank God my husband's paycheck can support me and him. The financial side of elder care is a STRAIN. But I've told my husband I'll work two jobs if I have to, just to keep from moving her into our house. I'm 55.
I tell people all the time now, "SAVE MONEY FOR YOUR OWN ASSISTED LIVING. Stop buying things. Get rid of those TV packages. You don't need a nice car or the newest phone or more clothes...you need $500,000 in a savings plan."
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Monomoyick May 31, 2024
Absolute best advice, BlueHeron. I see far too many of my peers caught up in sheer YOLO exuberance as they approach their 60s and 70s, somehow telling themselves the years of scrimping are over and they now can enjoy lavish vacations, luxury cars, and other pricey indulgences. Have they forecasted out exactly how far this will go? We all hope to die before we become a burden on family or society, but the reality is it’s not our choice to make. We need to be prepared. My mom lived on only social security and alimony for years, and I was always frustrated that she lived so frugally and was so focused on saving. But now she is funding her own AL with savings she hoped to leave for me. I never wanted her money, I have earned my own, and this truly is a huge gift to me that she might live out her years there if I simply continue to manage her money wisely. The best legacy we can leave for our loved ones is to fund our own end of life care.
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As my brother said many times - when it comes to assisted living, it is best to either be very rich or very poor. The people in the middle are pretty much screwed.
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lfm5252 May 30, 2024
This doesn’t only apply to assisted living but across the board. If you don’t qualify for Medicaid transportation costs for handicapped is outrageous.
My husband is only 72 and we are caught in the hole.
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$4900 a month is quite a lot compared to.what many non-Medicaid - eligible people have coming in.
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You look into placement in:
- board and care home. Will be way less than a NH and probably at the lower end of day rate for what AL do in your region.

- congregate living type of facility run by a nonprofit. These are usually a division of a religious organization. Like Catholic Charities or JFS or Methodist Ministries

-section 202 housing, this is low income senior only housing. Kinda like Section 8 housing but the property is seniors only. Most have supportive services (meals, transpo, wellness cks) that tie into other “at need” programs. They will have to go through the documentation process to show “need”.

- if your area does PACE, get them on their list to have an assessment (of health care need) done and then onto the PACE system. I personally am not a fan of PACE, but for those who have parents of limited means who live with them or vice versa, their folks both going onto PACE could be the bandaid till they enter a NH.

all of these have an application and a process to show eligibility. And a waiting list. There is no placement manana anywhere unless you have significant assets to hand over 3 months worth of private pay to a facility. Or they are currently in a hospital and being discharged from the hospital to a skilled nursing facility for rehabilitation as all this is a Medicare health insurance benefit. That flat is what it is. So get your folks applications done and get them on lists. If you are rural, go beyond your county.
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I feel you and totally agree. My (95 yo) Mom's net income is only $2000/mo! She lives with me, and I pay over $1500/mo for 3 gals to come in and help her out for a few hours each day in order to keep my sanity. I still have to work even though I should be retired (UGH). These Assisted Living places are making a killing at the expense of the elderly - no way we could afford to put her in one.
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Then why do they force us to live so long with no quality of life? I will tell you why THE MONEY GRAB until you eventually die. Most average Americans can't afford the cost of assisted living so give us the pill!
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Fawnby May 30, 2024
Often it's the adult children who don't want to let go and will hang on until momsey or dadsey is begging to die. And still they cart them around to doctors and chemo and refuse to give up because they love them so much. I'm in favor of setting my own expiration date and peacing out on my own terms. Unfortunately, that's not possible in my state. It should be in every state.
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I am so sorry you are experiencing this. There are many answers in this forum that definitely don't think assisted living is no big deal. My sister and I are very lucky that my parents bought a long term care policy back in the 80s that never runs out. They don't sell those types of policies today. Most only cover around three years of assisted living. Mom is 98, in the last stages of Alzheimers disease, and has been in assisted living/memory care for six years. One of the responders below is correct that most AL facilities are run by corporations out to make a buck. I have a friend who is in a group home due to developing Parkinson's disease related dementia. His care is far better than my mother is receiving, even with all her resources. You might find a group home a much better choice, but doing research and visiting is your most informative course. Our country neither supports the aged, nor the young, and our social safety net is a joke compared to other industrialized nations. I'm sure this doesn't help you much to know, but I hope you understand that many folks here have faced your challenges. Research the forum and find answers that fit your economic situation.
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Fawnby May 30, 2024
People don't seem to realize that LT insurance can be very limiting, depending on the policy. I didn't ever find one that gave me confidence. My choice was to save and invest for my long-term care on my own. Yes, we can do that! Just earmark a certain investment, such as a mutual fund that consistently does well, for Mission Long-term Care and invest in it monthly and automatically for many years. Don't touch it. No one has to know about it. When I choose to draw upon that money for my care, no one can tell me what kind of care I'm allowed to have or who has to provide it.
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North Carolina, South Carolina, and Puerto Rico might be cheaper. It’s unfortunate that middle class people will have the most difficulty finding a memory care facility.
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geddyupgo May 30, 2024
I believe the OP is in NC
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People who can afford it get the assisted living.
Those who can't, stay home now and end up in nursing home. Her income may not even be enough for NH, but state Medicaid is very likely to cover the difference.
If there's a chance of using Medicaid, keep records of expenses she pays that, don't give her home to any family member or sell below value. Don't do gifting to others. Those things create penalty periods for Medicaid to start. Medicaid looks back 5 yrs in most states.
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