I have lived with and taken care of, 1st my father till he passed 2yrs ago, since 2007, which exhilrated moms dementia and then she really needed care. My parents paid me. Since 8 months ago when my mother had been declared incompetent & brother became POA,he refuses to continue paying me. He doesnt want to pay the taxes he says. He hired an 8 hr shift and expects me for 16hrs. I have continued on as befor buying groceries,medicines,suppklies etc. Now I am having financial difficulties.My mother has the means to reimburse me and then some, I am very upset and hurt he has cut me off yet expects me to oversee her care. He doesnt live near us. I have threatened to leave but that really upsets my mom she even told him to pay me because her care is very challenging. She cannot walk now, icannot do any ADLS except feed herself. I often use a hoyer lift.to transfer her.I am with her all day /night. I am back-up to CGs becaue of her fall risk and being overweight. He thinks living here is in exchange. Having looked over my finances, I need to prepare for my future and get a paying job. I am torn on leaving mom It would really be a problem. How can I get him to realize how hard this job is when he lives away and is doing who knows what with all her money. He says its all there, I feel I deserve reimbursemnet and pay.....treats just make him say I will get someone else. He doesnt like me very much.....that is obvious there is some type of resentment.....
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I put my life on hold for many years to care for my dad in my home. Eventually the situation had to change and I had to get a job. I realized how much damage I had done to my life by not working for so many years in order to care for my dad. Eventually he was dead and gone and I had to put the pieces of my life back together and it was so difficult. My point is that if you have an opportunity now to get out of the house and work then DO IT! As you said, we have our futures to think about too.
Your brother can't have it both ways: free help from you and someone to pay for mom's supplies. Stop worrying about what he's doing right now and do what you need to do for yourself. Then once you've made your own decisions, inform your brother where your mom's well-being is concerned and let him deal with it. If mom can afford caregivers let your brother hire them.
If you worked for a company and they stopped paying you would you continue to work there?