I am 75 years old and my husband, 84 has FTD. In case of our death, or my own, how can I legally protect our valuables inside my home from one relative who would most probably come inside before the others and take whatever he wanted for himself? I would like to have everyone have a fair share of all we have. My husband and I are all alone. The relatives are nice, pleasant, but seldom seen. In about 6 months we will be moving into an assisted living place; I have a bad heart and my husband also has multiple health issues. In our situation ... A lot can happen in 6 months! Thank you for your help!
I take it you are most concerned about the period between your death and the reading of the will. If someone waltzes in and removes the items they want, There might be a real mess when they are missing when the will is read. Is that what worries you?
Do these valuables have a sentimental value as well as a monetary value? What if you had these items appraised and sold them, now? Let the cash become part of your estate, distributed by will. No one can come in and help themselves to it. You can send all the relatives the list of appraised values and offer to let anyone buy them at that price. If something has a particular sentimental value to someone, and they are more interested in the picture that hung above your fireplace than in the $7000 it is worth, they can purchase it. They'll still get their share of cash in the will. That will preserve your option to use the cash yourself should it become necessary before you die.
Any of us can die tomorrow. You might, but your chances of living are better, and even with a "bad heart" that could be for another 20 to 25 years! These items are no one's inheritance until you do die. You can give them away, sell them, or lock them away in storage.
Another short-term solution might be to send each relative a list of valuables with a notation of who you intend them to go to. If everybody knows this long before a will is read that should help prevent certain items from disappearing.
Please take some action to do the best you can to resolve this, so it is off your mind and you can focus on your health and your husband's, and on enjoying whatever time you have left.
Or you can borrow a digital camera (or a friend or young relative with a digital camera if you aren't too sure how to use them) and take pictures to go with your list. Then leave your list with your will, or with your executor.
And it might be no bad thing subtly to let the suspect relative know that you have done this. "Mitts off," you are saying, in the nicest possible way, "it's all spoken for and written down."
And the main thing you can do is be philosophical. Things do go astray, unless as PS has suggested you hand them over in person (my aunt did this with her jewellery, I wish my mother would); and misunderstandings happen; and other people turn out not to care nearly as much as you might hope… But once you're gone, may that not be for many many years, you won't care.
A close friend has been getting increasingly anxious for some years now about her mother's belongings, and it's painful to watch. I love her dearly, and I sympathise, but it seems to go with the territory that even nice, otherwise sensible people slightly lose the plot when it comes to divvying up an estate. Especially if you have items of real, saleable monetary value that the wrong people would be tempted by, and you won't need them in ALF, do for heaven's sake take pleasure now in giving them to the individuals you would like to treasure them. It really is the best way.
I would think that an updated will with clear direction as to what your and your husbands wishes are should take care of your possessions. You may want to consider using your lawyer as executor of you estate if you have concerns about things being equally decided amongst relatives. Wishing you and your husband many years of good health!