I've never seen my dad read a book or even a magazine. He never had a hobby other than sitting in his recliner watching TV. The only things that interest him are religion and politics on tv, yet he can't articulate anything about the politics to make it an actual interest. Both are emotionally charged subjects. How do I explain to him that they aren't real hobbies or interests that make you grow as a person and be open minded?
I guess I'm not so sure that only hobbies that make you grow are real hobbies.
Religion and politics both could make you grow and be open minded, or they each can contribute to very close-mindedness and narrow thinking. I'm sure you know people who are interested in religion who fall into both categories. Same with politics.
You've never seen your father read. Now that he has dementia that is very unlikely to change. He may not be able to articulate abstract ideas. But if they interest him, what do you see as the harm?
What hobbies would you like him to take up at this point in his life? You are not near to inspire him and encourage him ... who could play this role for him? How likely are you to get him to take an interest in something else at this point?
I'm afraid that very often we reap what we sew. If he has not taken care of himself, not developed hobbies and interests, not made deep and meaningful relationships, those actions or inactions have consequences. It is not your fault. It is kind of you to want to expand his horizons, but no matter how good your intentions it may just not be possible.
Anyway, the point is that at our parents age and considering their infirmities and state of mind it's too much to expect that they all of a sudden take up stamp collecting or building ships in a bottle. So that leaves tv. Watching tv is easy. Easy on the body (maybe too easy) and easy on the mind. If our parents aren't interested in finding new hobbies at their age that's OK.
One of the first things to go when dementia sets in is reading. I would see papers piled up in my dad's room and this from a man who spent over an hour everyday pouring over the paper for most of his adult life.
When his body began breaking down he felt to unwell to bbq, another hobby and love of his. This was another sign, to me, that he was changing. I tried to encourage him, sure, but he just wasn't able to do it anymore.
My Dad is a weather junkie, at first it use to really annoy my Mom until she realized at least she knows where he is.... in front of a TV somewhere in the house :]
My mom is like JessieBelle's mom - she has her routine of tv shows every day, and that's pretty much all she does. She sits and watches tv, sleeps and eats. Occasionally, I can get her to go outside and try to walk up and down the wheelchair ramp for exercise, but she won't do it every day. If she won't walk, then I try to get her to just sit outside in the sunshine and fresh air for a bit. (I have to watch her sun exposure due to her meds, though.) When she feels really good, we break out the scooter and I take the dog for a walk while she rolls along beside me.
For most of us, the loved ones we care for are much older than we are, and are very set in their ways - they've lived full lives and don't really care to change their habits at this point, and as I mentioned before, if they have memory loss or memory decline, it may be frustrating for them to try and learn new things, because they have a routine and are comfortable with it. It's up to us to make the best of what they enjoy, unless they are willing to try something new. If they're not, don't push it.
I think its cute that freqflyer's Dad was a weather junkie! Now that's an intellectual thing to be!
But the entire question of how many activities a person should have is a charged one. On one hand, when a person is an adult, we probably should leave them to do what they want. Those of us who are pushing our parents to do more are probably slacking-off in some of the things we're making them do. I've got Mom drinking 64 ounces of water a day (on doctor's orders, before you ask) and I'll be honest that I'm not doing that, myself.
On the other hand, if a person is going downhill and we can help them, possibly we should care enough to do so. If we see they are becoming senile and forgetful and if we know we could help them with varied activities, we probably should try to urge them to do this.
The problem we really face is this: where is the line between caring and in merely butting into another person's life? That's the real issue, here.
In my mother's case, she probably would have died without some intervention and she agrees she wouldn't have wanted that. That's the only reason she is sometimes congenial about doing what the doctors and I want her to do. She'd let herself go into a decline and family members are shocked and pleased at the difference in her state of mind, now that she has these other things to do. She is blossoming with the attention, to some amount.
Her sister just yesterday was saying all this to me, basically what I just said in the last paragraph. And she is talking about how she should do some of these things, too. I urged her to do some of them, talked about some habits she could start that would be easy and non-threatening (She wants to walk more but doesn't want to go outside, so I suggested walking inside her house some specific number of times and figuring out how far she went. I didn't suggest a pedometer because we're too cheap in my family for that, but she has a tape measure, for sure!
In my aunt's case, she has plenty of children to care, but the very fact that they're not there to push her a bit make all the difference between thinking she "should" do these things and in really doing them - where my mother does them because I'm here to remind her why.
Back to your dad: ask yourself why he'd do anything else? Does he need to get up and around more? Is he losing mobility? If he's losing mobility, does he care? These are the types of questions I ask Mom (and aunt). Sometimes, they just don't realize how their own habits are working toward them getting forgetful, losing mobility, etc... When they realize it, they sometimes want advice/help. Otherwise, they just don't know what I'm "on" about. :-)
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