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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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This is a difficult behavior. Keep in mind that it often goes away on its own. Meanwhile, answer the question as briefly as you can, as often as you need to, calmly, as if it is the first time he asked it. Sigh. This is not easy.
Leaving the room, if practical and safe, can give you some relief. Try not to show anger as you do so -- he won't at all know what he has done to make you mad. Maybe you can leave the room to bring back a diversion -- ice cream cones or apple wedges and peanut butter or a basket of towels to fold or some playing cards for a simple game.
Hi Mopsygirl, I'm right in the midst of this also. Within an hour's visit, I'm asked at least 15 times, "How old am I?", "How far away from me do you live?" "Where is my money?", etc. Sometimes, she asks the same question immediately after I've given her the answer!! By the grace of God, I don't mind answering her questions. I try to make my answers like it's the first time I'm answering it.
What irritates the heck outta' me is when she's nasty. "Oh, what a nice outfit you have on, I see you're having a good time buying new clothes with MY money." Or, "You're so mean to me, I like him better" (my husband). Last Saturday she accused me of beating my son during his childhood. (My mother never spanked me.) He's 27 now and I felt so bad about her accusation, I asked him if he felt like I had "beaten" him. He said, "No, you spanked me when I had it coming."
So, truly, she could ask me the same questions all day long and it wouldn't be as bad as the "nasties". There's no redirecting the continuous questions, they have a one track mind. I'm sorry, I don't have any recommendations. Be happy if he isn't nasty.
There IS a fix to the repeated same questions. Called the neurologist nurse during this stage, what do I do? "simply change the subject fast to something she/he likes to talk about". It works everytime!. Their brain/thought process is "stuck" like an old lp record player. You just have to pick up the needle to stop it. Break that thought by changing the subject, or get them "busy" on something-folding clothes...
When it gets to be too much, just excuse yourself and leave. I have to do that with my mother when things get too stressful for me. And yes, I leave the room a lot. It is better than yelling or arguing with her. This wouldn't serve any purpose except to make me feel bad. I know that you already know what I mean, since you're going through so much with your mother.
Chances are that she hasn't used the curlers in years and threw them away herself. She wouldn't remember doing it, so looks around for someone to blame. There is no reasoning with it. The only thing to do is to ignore. Another possibility would be to take her to the store and let her pick out her own rollers. They will probably end up not being right after she tries them for a while, but at least it will be her that picked them out.
Thank you so much Jessie Belle. It had not occurred to me that she actually might not have had any curlers! I'm still getting used to some of the fantastical stuff that comes out of her mouth, but this was such a mundane thing I figured it was true. Thanks again.
My mother used to do that too and it drove me bonkers. I would leave the room as suggested. As soon as she quit doing it, then my husband started doing it. He for the most part has quit doing it too. Yes, it is very irritating. I don't really have an answer for you. Except to say this too shall pass.
Comment to ? about "getting nasty". I hated that part too. The neurologist said when they are like that, walk off, or "call them on it". No knock down drag out fight. Just stop, look straight at them and firmly say mom/dad... That was "rude", or that is not nice, and i'm not listening to it. I walked out once to the deck and sat there in the drizzle rain. She came out said you are going to get wet, and I said I like it. It stopped the whole thing and it was pleasant again."live, learn & try, and try again". In most cases TRY to remember it is the disease U are mad at, for making them act out like this, not the usual mommie you know, in most cases.
My mother is currently living in assisted living; she has dementia (not sure it is Alzheimers) but not to the point of needing to be moved into the Memory Care wing. We needed to move her because she was not taking care of herself and was doing stupid stuff like driving at night in the rain (after we had discussed that she was not to do that), and getting into an accident. (Thank heavens no one was hurt.) She was very resentful about the move but seems to have adjusted fairly well. However, she gets something in her mind and starts having all sorts of variations of what occurred and starts asking me the same thing over and over. For example, she wants her hair curlers from her house; but I was never able to find them in spite of looking all over for them; then she says I must have thrown them away; or she thinks we found them and I'm just hiding them from her. On and on. This same conversation with variations has been going on for months. Every time I talk to her she asks where her curlers are, can I go find them? I have even bought her new curlers, but every kind I buy is not the "right" kind. I actually threw away some a few weeks ago because it was definitely "not" the right kind; now she says that's the kind she needs. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to deal with this kind of obsessive behavior? I'm so frustrated!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Leaving the room, if practical and safe, can give you some relief. Try not to show anger as you do so -- he won't at all know what he has done to make you mad. Maybe you can leave the room to bring back a diversion -- ice cream cones or apple wedges and peanut butter or a basket of towels to fold or some playing cards for a simple game.
I'm right in the midst of this also. Within an hour's visit, I'm asked at least 15 times, "How old am I?", "How far away from me do you live?" "Where is my money?", etc. Sometimes, she asks the same question immediately after I've given her the answer!! By the grace of God, I don't mind answering her questions. I try to make my answers like it's the first time I'm answering it.
What irritates the heck outta' me is when she's nasty. "Oh, what a nice outfit you have on, I see you're having a good time buying new clothes with MY money." Or, "You're so mean to me, I like him better" (my husband). Last Saturday she accused me of beating my son during his childhood. (My mother never spanked me.) He's 27 now and I felt so bad about her accusation, I asked him if he felt like I had "beaten" him. He said, "No, you spanked me when I had it coming."
So, truly, she could ask me the same questions all day long and it wouldn't be as bad as the "nasties". There's no redirecting the continuous questions, they have a one track mind. I'm sorry, I don't have any recommendations. Be happy if he isn't nasty.
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