Should we replace my Mom's dog when the time comes?

With her advancing dementia, a week later, she may not remember him after he's gone. Wait and see.

Sibling3, I see by your profile that your Mother lives on her own.

This is a hard question.... on one hand your Mom enjoys the companionship of a dog and it sounds like she is caring for him except she is feeding him people food.... yet on the other hand, if Buddy passing on which tell me is a senior himself, would your Mom be able to control a younger dog? And if your Mom needs to go onto assistant living, would you be able to continue to care for the newer dog?

My instinct is to say no unless you could find her an old gentle dog that will be put down if he/she isn't adopted. A big question there is what you would do with a dog if your mother wasn't there to care for it. You would have to adopt the dog yourself. If you are unwilling to adopt the dog, I would say no, don't consider it.

Elderly should not get a dog UNLESS someone will take the dog when they pass. I have seen too many dogs euthanized because family does not want the dog or does not like the breed that their parent had. Dogs are good companions, but they are NOT disposable. Many times the caregiver will have to take care of both, the elderly and their dog.

I agree with Jess. Only get a dog if YOU will take it in when your mom passes.

No it would not be humane to introduce a new dog, not with your mother as its principal owner anyway. Please don't.

If you are considering getting a dog for your own family, and taking it to see your mother regularly, that wouldn't hurt the right kind of dog and it might be lovely for your mother. We have an older Staffie who is painstakingly gentle around my mother and her very elderly cat; but any intelligent and scrupulously well-behaved dog would be fine. There's no harm, btw, in her talking about Buddy as much as she likes. If she becomes distressed and is constantly searching for him, you'll need to reassure her constantly and find an explanation of where he's gone that works for her (it could be the true one, but she might find something else easier to grasp - you'll have to take it as it comes I'm afraid). Take plenty of pictures of him for now - enjoy him while he lasts!

I'm with Jess and Suzie here. Chances are your Mom will know the difference, or at least feel that something has changed. I wouldn't get another unless s/he will be given a good home afterwards. ... After all, they aren't just dogs or pets. They're also family members.

I agree with everyone else, just wait and see how she feels after her dog passes. There are other options like therapy dogs to visit her- or it would actually be better for her to visit them, Im not sure how she would feel if the dog is in her home one minute and gone the next even with the dementia. Good luck

No no no no no --- don't replace the dog. As sad as it is to lose her companion, the stressors of a new dog (especially if young) will wreak havoc on your life. Question would be: do YOU want a dog? You would have to take care of the dog because it would be unfair to the animal if it doesn't get proper care. A dog needs the right food, a lot of exercise and some training. Is this something your mom can do? Think about it… I'm so sorry. It has to be very stressful to think that your mom would be sad. I love my mother with all my heart too, and the thought of her being sad is scary for me.

Best of luck. Keep us posted…

Unfortunately, I would also agree with the other posters here and say no, it's not a good idea. With your mom's advancing dementia, the stress of a new dog (be it a puppy or older dog) would be too much for her to handle. Also, it would be YOU who would be eventually caring for the poor thing.

My daughter adopted an elderly large breed dog (a 10-year old Pitt Bull mix -- very friendly) from the SPCA because the elderly woman who owned him died and the family could not or would not keep her. It was such a shame as this dog is so docile and friendly -- I couldn't believe the family would just dump him at the SPCA. The old lady was the only family this dog ever had. He lived a quiet and peaceful life with her. Needless to say, the dog sat their languishing in the SPCA for 4 months becoming frightened and traumatized from other constantly barking dogs, a new/strange environment, and lack of human contact. He was probably passed over numerous times because he was a pit bull mix (there is no actual Pit bull breed -- they are actually Staffordshire terriers) and their bad reputation. He "looks" mean but he is actually a marshmallow. It took my daughter months to gain his trust but he is now a wonderful pet!

Anyway, please don't think about getting another animal for your Mom unless YOU have a plan for its ultimate care. It's not fair to her or the animal. Blessings to you.

I agree with the others about consideration for the dog as well as for your mother. My mom's elderly Chihuahua died while she was mentally alert, although not doing well physically. I asked if she wanted another dog, because Tiny had been my father's companion during his last years and great company for mom after my dad passed away. When the vet had to put Tiny to sleep because of the effects of aging and and not being aware of her surroundings, mom and I held each other and cried in the vet's parking lot. The poor vet, who wasn't really good with people, came to us and tried to console us. I didn't really think mom would want another pet, but she said she didn't want to be completely alone. My husband and I discussed it, because of the reasons expressed by previous posters. We knew that we would be the ones to inherit a new dog. My husband isn't (wasn't) much of an animal lover, because we used to enjoy traveling a lot, but I was all for the idea. Mom said she wanted a long haired Chihuahua and one that didn't remind her of Tiny. So, I started calling places, and we spent several weeks searching for just the right one. Those days of having breakfast out and puppy-searching are precious memories to me now. When we went to the last location, it turned out to be a lady whose children adored my mom from the time they spent at the day care where mom used to work. The breeder and mom were delighted to see each other. The lady even called one of her son's to go over to see "Ms. Dodie." When we finally got around to dogs, she said she had two litters of week-old Chihuahuas from two different mother dogs. She took them to us one by one, and mom held and cuddled all of them. I had one in mind, but I played with all of them to make sure they could see and hear. Mom drank coffee and watched the puppies and me. We didn't pick the one I liked from the beginning for a few weeks. She was black, with all white paws, a white streak on her face that continued around her neck and chest, and a white tip on her tail. I could just imagine her with a lot of hair and those markings, but I didn't want to influence mom. Well, the puppy picked mom by marking her territory! She pee'd all over mom's blouse one day. I laughed and said that one must like you and has marked you as hers. We (more I) had both been admiring her anyway, so we decided she was the one. Well, I can't express the joy that little ball of fur has brought to my mom, my husband and me. That was over 12 years ago. Mom had some time with her before mom fell and broke her hip, mercifully while she was at our house for the weekend and with the dog...the day that she broke her hip and changed the course of all our lives. To summarize, mom could have kept "ChiChi" (I got to name her!) at the ALF and tried for a while. After Chi Chi won the hearts of the staff and other residents, it helped my normally shy mom to become comfortable and accepted. She asked if I minded keeping ChiChi for a while, because she was too busy with Bingo, activity and entertainment days, etc.! :) ChiChi and I had already fallen in love, and it wasn't long before she had both my husband and me wrapped around her little paws. I continued to take ChiChi with me and enjoyed watching her and mom become the center of attention. Every now and then, I left her with mom for a few days, but it was becoming difficult for her to care for her. Her face would light up when she looked up and saw ChiChi with me, though. Mom passed away over three years ago. ChiChi entertained and brought joy to countless people while mom lived there, not to mention the love and affection she sensed that my mom needed. Snce being with us, she has become quite a little lady and still brings joy to neighbors or anyone who pays attention to her. She is considered a geriatric patient at the vet's. She and I really started bonding before the day she pee'd on mom, and we are almost inseparable now. If we are planning a trip, the only place I consider leaving her with is my best friend and husband, who are also wrapped around her paws. She has loved and been loved since she was a week old. She had a mission in life, and she is still fulfilling it. My husband and I agree upon who runs our household, and it isn't the humans.. It is a little fur ball that has been part of our family all of her life. So, unless you plan to arrange for a good life for a companion for your mom, don't do it. They deserve to be loved too. One piece of advice, though. Get your mom an older dog, not a puppy; and, try to find one close to the size of Buddy....and don't give it to her while she is living alone, unless someone can visit every day and check on the safety of your mom and the new "Buddy." I just wanted to add another perspective on replacing pets for the elderly. The day ChiChi picked mom was the beginning of much love in many people's lives that is still cherished by my husband and me every day of her life. I wish you the best with your mom, and I hope you find another "Buddy" for her when the time comes and if proper care can be provided for him or her.

I would say absolutely not unless you are prepared to eventually adopt the dog yourself. My mother had a miniature pinscher from rescue who eventually developed diabetes, went blind and passed away. She desperately wanted another but knew she couldn't care for it so she adopted a cat, Pixie.

When I moved to care for her for four years I thought what the heck, the dog would always have a home with me so home came Sue, a minpin x jack russell terrorist. My mother went into a NH 18 months ago and Pixie and Sue now live out in the country with me, an old black lab that came from rescue last year and 4 other cats.

If your mother misses a pet perhaps a visiting pet would make her happy. I can't take Sue to the NH as she barks/screams at wheelchairs/walkers and my old lab girl was formerly abused so she's nervous of anything new or different. Lucy is the answer! She's a little kitten recently rescued off a back road and I occasionally take her to visit. Initially so tiny and sick, she's now thriving and I bought her a harness and leash for visits as she's so lively now. Makes my mother happy.

I forgot to mention that they now make very realistic furry dogs of all breeds. There are some that are battery operated; they appear to be asleep so tummy moves as if breathing and a light sound can be heard. I got mom a black and white sleeping puppy. She said when she switched the battery on at night, it was a comfort to hear it "breathe." Some of the ladies who had severe dementia were convinced that it was real and wanted to pet it when they visited mom's room. When mom passed away, I gave it to the most cantankerous lady there, hoping that it might bring her comfort. She never smiled; but, when I gave her that "puppy," she had the most beautiful smile on her face. :) She wanted to know its name and I answered, "ChiChi." Just a thought.... The room was full of smiles as they watched her cuddle and pet "ChiChi." Sometimes little things we can do make them so happy..

Fwiw.... I took mom a picture of her dear, beloved, bestest kitty friend ever. She had this cat for over ten years. She loved it more than any people. She just looked at the picture and set it over on a shelf. It means nothing to her now. I'm not even sure she remembered that was her cat and not just a picture that came in the frame.

I really appreciate everyone's responses. Perhaps I should have assured readers that I or one of my siblings would keep the dog when our mother passed; that is not even a question. We would be more likely to argue over who gets the 'privelege' than to abandon the pet, lol. My brother lives with my mother (upstairs/downstairs) and provides significant care for Mom's senior dog Buddy. However, even with his input, I am concerned for the well being of the dog. At this stage, I think their bond over rides my concerns. A new dog, though, would not have that bond. A new dog would of course have to be mature, well socialized and gentle. Interestingly, my mother never liked dogs until after my father died, 25 years ago. Since then, we have given her one of our own beloved dogs as a companion; there have been several, and then we purposely adopted Buddy through a rescue league as her companion. So, you see, we have a mindset of providing her this companionship, almost an obligation. It is kind of like when we took her car away, years ago. It was hard to face that she was inadequate on the road. I think we may need to recognize that she is inadequate to be a dog owner now. It is not just people food, it is an overall neglect, I am afraid. It feels terrible to express this. I think everyone is right, and I worry about the effect on Mom's well being when Buddy passes. It will be another difficult step on this difficult path.

I`m older now and I only adopt seniors so hopefully I don`t leave anyone behind.