My father (late 80's) is remarried for about 15 years to second wife and they have moderate means. Wife has started to indicate in a year or so that the father may need to move to assisted living or memory care, and the kids may need to figure out how to pay for it while wife continues to live in the couple's house (she is 10 years younger). Father has a pension and some other dividend income being provided which would cover a good portion, and some savings, and they have joint assets which could be used but it is hard to know how much would be required.
What is the requirement to use the couple's assets to pay for both the father and step-parent living expenses and what could be expected to be paid by the children (who were gifted some assets by the father 15 or so years ago)?
Let her figure it out, there are many options available to her. Sometimes the "Mrs" handle later in life is not the best option. Oh well, too late!
She needs to see an elder lawyer. Medicaid allows for marital assets to be split. Dads split goes towards his care. When its depleted, she then applies for Medicaid. She will then become the Community Spouse and remain in the home. She will also get enough, partial or all, of their monthly income of Social Security and pension to live on. This is basic info. SHE needs to be told that there is no law that makes children financially responsible for a parents care.* As his spouse, that falls on her. Tell her maybe she can sell the house and go into AL with him. I know couples who have done this. Gives the OK spouse the ability to do what they want knowing the other spouse is being cared for in their absence.
*there are filial laws that are slowly being taken off the law books. They were enacted before Medicaid. They r really not used if children show that paying financially for a parent in care would cause them a hardship. Your Dad has a spouse, and his care is her responsibility, not his children's. You need to tell her this now so she can plan.
She is going to have to figure it out. It sucks but that's what married couples do. She may have to figure out if she needs to separate from him or divorce him to get her share of the assets before he goes into a facility.
The joint savings & pension combined with SS monthly income should be used to fund his stay in managed care, as is the norm for the rest of the world financing such care. When my folks were in AL and MC, that's how it was paid for; dad sold their house, then used savings and monthly income combined with the proceeds of the house to finance their stay in managed care. I also applied for VA Aid & Attendance for him (and then mom as surviving spouse) b/c he was a WWII veteran who served during wartime, to supplement his income. If the wife doesn't want to sell the house, the ECA can advise accordingly.
Please go sit down with a Certified Elder Care attorney NOW. Get the low-down on your rights, the wife's rights, dad's rights, and all the financial 411 so you know what's coming if and when dad has to be placed. Knowledge is power.
While his wife should not be left with nothing and no roof over her head, similarly, you kids should not be left with nothing either while trying to pay for dad's care. Talk to the ECA about Medicaid requirements and what's needed to get that ball rolling, too, should the need arise.
Good luck!
You should see an elder law attorney at the time Dad needs care to examine the options for separation of finances and etc. This is a very individual thing. You will take with you all the assets and obligations of the couple at that time. Wishing you good luck.