At night mom sleeps in Depends.
During the day, I work in a school for 4 hours. Is it possible to regulate mom's BM so that she doesn't go 8.30 am -12.30????
If I put Depends on during the day and she has a BM, she will go to the bathroom, try to take it off based on some instinct (not remembering what Depends really are) and leave it on the floor, making a mess in the bathroom. How do I avoid this situation? We are very careful about her food but she still has yucky accidents which are very unpredictable.
How do I handle Depends and BM during the 4 hours when I am away? I'm trying to avoid hiring aides because mom doesn't have any money. I'm already spending money on her private insurance (I've vented about this many times on this forum).
If she is so far gone with dementia now that she does not remember what a Depend is and why she's wearing one, she cannot be left alone while you are at work. It is unsafe for her to be left alone.
What would happen if she decided to wander off while you're at work? Or wants some company to talk to during the day and lets a stranger in the house? Or decides to cook when no one is home?
If she can't comprehend why she's wearing a Depend and leaves it on the bathroom floor, the 'yucky and unpredictable' accidents are the least of your worries.
Don't use your mother not having any money as an excuse for why there are no homecare aides staying with her while you're at work.
You work four hours a day in a school. You do not support yourself on a 20-hour a week part-time job. Someone else is paying the bills and providing for you and your mother. Tell that person you need to quit your job or use the money you earn on it to pay for your mother's homecare aides while you're at work.
I've posted many times here that my inlaws watch her when I'm at work.
My husband is the breadwinner, He pays mom's pvt insurance bill.
Ive never expected the American govt to pick up mom's tab. Ive always explained this in the context of agingcare forum advising me to apply for medicaid.
Like I said earlier, Im tired and looking for aides to deal with some of the toileting and give me a break. My grandpa had dementia and I know how bad it gets. It's just my bad luck that mom could NOT stay on in her senior community in India because it had no memory care and I had to bring her here. My brother lives overseas and it's just us two kids for mom.
I know that mom will get worse and I will have to spend money like water in hiring private help. That's why I keep trying to stick to my four-hr job so that I feel Im contributing to her expenses.
Im thankful that most Forum-ers are able to see my point of view and don't have your critical voice.
I was not only her son, but a full-time caregiver for my Mom. As it became too difficult for her to navigate the bathroom, I put a portable commode in her bedroom, where at least three times a day, whether she had a BM or not, I helped her change her pull-ups. I also put Calmoseptine on her behind to ensure she did not get a pressure ulcer. When she was in a nursing home for rehab after her hip surgery, she got one because staff was not doing their job (I let the admininstration know my displeasure). I vowed she would never get one under my watch. She never did.
My Mom has to be a citizen to qualify for medicaid. Right now she has a greencard and we have to wait another 3 years before she qualifies. Just our bad luck I guess because I heard CA & AZ provide free/reduced medical care for seniors who are just permanent residents and not citizens.
sources combined should help pay for help for the four hrs. you're away. You should talk to either her Dr. or APS about whether she qualifies for this help. You may also want to try giving her a probiotic. It won't stop them, but it may slow things down. The other thing you can try-as a last resort and I don't recommend this as a daily practice, is giving her two Imodium every few days. Again, it won't stop it completely, but it might slow things down, to a more manageable degree.
Colleen
Your situation breaks my heart....I prayed for you just now, and will continue to hold you up in prayer to the Lord.
I cry just reading your words. I wish I could help you somehow....but, we live in Arizona, and are facing a serious financial situation.....things don't look good.
I still wish I could come alongside and help you....my heart is with you.
May the grace of our Lord Jesus be with your spirit. Shalom. 💜🕊💜
You: "I'm trying to avoid hiring aides because mom doesn't have any money."
Medicaid: It sounds like she qualifies, have you helped her apply?
https://www.dshs.wa.gov/altsa/home-and-community-services/how-apply-medicaid
1) Is FIL able to get MIL to the toilet say a half an hour after breakfast, and stay with her until it works.
2) Can you wake MIL earlier, get her out of bed on her feet, and give her something to eat? That might get things moving while you are still at home.
3) Can you shift her main meal to lunchtime, not dinner? A very light tea will drop the need for the toilet first thing.
4) Can you reduce the spice level in any curry she eats? Chili, garlic, onion, plus anything in enough quantity to be strong tasting, can make the problem worse. So can alcohol, by the way.
5) Can MIL spend the morning sitting on a commode, with a rug over her lap for decency’s sake.
6) Can you investigate the various options for bidet attachments? Particularly if she can use an area with a floor drain, a hose with an on/off tap inserted into a water pipe can let her and the surroundings be squirted down and out the bowl and the drain. It’s less intrusive than wiping off, and might be more acceptable to the sensibilities of the people involved.
7) You tell the people with sensibilities that there is no other option.
Best wishes, Margaret
Honestly Im reaching my breaking point and will look for an aide. I'm getting so tired. I will worry about the money later. Thankfully we have savings for our old age
I really feel for you. You really don't have too many options right now.
anyway, just 3 more weeks of school and then I'm home for summer. I was really hoping to work in the summer program and make more money. But with these unpredictable accidents, I better stay home and clean up mom's mess so that my ILs don't stress out. I need their support if I've to work these 4 hours.
It's just so annoying that mom is not realizing what she's putting us through. with her broken brain and all..she just blissfully sits in the family room and reads...I was never Ms Sunshine anyway and this dementia is really destroying whatever little hope I had for my life.
She has been taking the same medicine for 3 years without any issues. The BMs are a problem only now. If she eats breakfast at 8 am, she seems to have BM around 9 am. She usually has toast & apples or some oatmeal and banana. Im now thinking maybe no fruits in the morning and just stick to the toast. Mom barely eats sugar..she has diabetes.
Mom hates drinking water..she says it will make her pee more...we are now beyond pee issues and into bigger problems now
buttttt, it's super important to drink pure water: not just coffee, juices, etc.
i have to force my LO!! HATES WATER. butttt, luckily, my sweet LO does everything i say. so, together (i drink it too, otherwise it's hypocritical of me), we both lift our glasses of water at the same time, toast, and drink it! :)
we literally say, "cheers!"
no fruits in the morning...might work. maybe (i'm sure you already did), experiment with various food types for breakfast, and see if something works. hug!!
you're a wonderful daughter (and i'm sure, a wonderful person) (they go together). one can't be a wonderful person, without also being a wonderful family member :).
i hope many people have good suggestions.
in our case, my LO has BM after every meal - this makes things very predictable. within 10 minutes of eating, we must bring my LO to the bathroom, because this makes everything easier/cleaner to deal with. (we can prevent almost 100% of BM accidents this way).
then the adult diaper is clean the whole day.
however, you said your mother's BM accidents are very unpredictable.
my LO has more BM after eating sweets - this makes things also very predictable. avoid the sweets = avoid many BM accidents.
--------
also you're not there for 4 hours.
but what i mean, is that if your mother's BMs are linked to timing/after she eats a meal, you can try to have the meals at appropriate times.
(i'm sure you already tried all that).
--------
be aware OP, that many medicines have as a side-effect: more BM, more diarrhea, more BM accidents.
1 thing that's always good to do (for our elderly LOs ---- and for all of us), is to drink more water. in fact, i'll go drink a glass of water right now.
for our LOs who take many medicines, drinking water is even more important.
hug!!
bundle of joy :)