Good Afternoon All,
Hoping someone can help or at least provide some encouragement. Dealing with my 91-year-old mother-in-law who is now in a nursing home due to falling quite often. She recently (past month) has developed a severe onset of dementia. She thinks she's guilty (when you ask her why she says you don't want to know) and the police are going to come and arrest her. She is refusing to eat or drink and says that she doesn't deserve to eat. She also just fell at the home, broke her hip and had to have a partial hip replacement. She is now back in the nursing home and is again refusing to eat/drink. I've tried making her favorite foods, feeding her, etc. with zero luck. She wants to die, but what happens now. We will soon be forced to make a decision about a feeding tube and my husband is against it. He doesn't want to prolong her misery. She really is mentally a mess. No other way to say it. I'm at a complete loss. They have put her on Seroquel to see if that helps. She is also on Remeron. The Remeron worked for many years but now, nothing.
I am with your husband here. Why prolong her misery and the inevitable? Let her die with dignity and on her terms.
Call hospice today.
Your husband is right, why keep her alive? Her quality of life is sadly diminished, and she'll never get much better. She wants to die. She's had a long life and you should let her pass in peace. Wouldn't you want that for yourself? I would.
Hospice will keep her comfortable, and you and your husband can rely on them to get you through this. They're the ones who can help all of you now.
Welcome to the forum.
So very sorry about your MIL.
What did she think of feeding tubes back in her better days? I would support DH.
She probably can’t remember what she thinks she is guilty of. If she is religious, perhaps a visit from her pastor/priest could help ease her mind. Sadly it would probably only be for the moment as she appears to be on a loop and tormenting herself.
I’m not familiar with Remeron but see it is an antidepressant. Recently we increased my DH aunts dosage of Wellbutrin and it is amazing how much it helped. ‘Someone” cut her dosage in half and put her on Tylenol. 🤨
When we discovered this, we had it put back to what has proven to be a therapeutic dosage for her. We also have her on an appetite stimulate. The first one of those didn’t work. This one she is on now works great. She isn’t really gaining weight, a pound or so, but she is enjoying each day now. Not so much before. She is 96 and bed bound and on hospice. I’m really not trying to extend her life so much as make sure she is happy the days she has left.
Additionally, if your MIL only takes sips of water, try the small water bottles. Aunt drinks a couple of those a day. She won’t drink anything cold, from a straw or glass. Of course, for milk shakes she will make an exception.
Your MIL has been through a lot and although time to recover is often needed, she may not have that time. DH aunt lost 30 lbs and seemed to me to be transitioning back in November. So, little steps have brought her back to a happier state but in their 90s, it is truly one day at time.