I take care an 83-year-old man. I was hired by her daughter. The man began saying that he wanted to $%#! me, for several days. I wrote to his daughter because I talked to a Hospice's nurse, so, She told me that the man had dementia. I'm not sure if he has or not, but one day dancing (because they said that dance is something good for dementia people and he does not like to do other kinds of activities), he told me that he wanted to touch my a** and started to lower his hand. I told him that it was not good and made me feel uncomfortable. But he start said things that I can work with him. He had previously said that I needed to wear shirts with a neckline because this way he could see the line of my breasts. After all this, I wrote to her daughter again that I was not going to dance with him anymore. His daughter agreed. But since that day that gentleman has complaints from me, he tells me that I am not good for this job, he says that I do not like working with him and says that I need to quit. He does not take any medication for dementia, he is doing some work with lawyers to give his daughter power, so I do not think a person with dementia can do those things. If so, he is harassing me sexually and blackmailing me.
From the day that I refuse to dance with him, he says every day that I am not sociable, he wants me to resign, his daughter does not take him to the doctor. He does not forget anything, especially if it has to do with sexual things, he always remembers what clothes I had the day before. I bought him a happy face as a keychain to try to create an atmosphere of peace and he put the little face in his testicles saying that it was that my face. Then he said that he wanted to go to the pool and I started to go with him but with a rather long clothing and he did not like it, of course. He told me that I was wearing my bathing suit under my clothes. Obviously he feel more frustrated because he can not see anything. I do not have many jobs but not because I can not, but because I do not know many people in the city. I want to know if that is normal everything that does and to what extent I need to seek help
This man probably has dementia, and probably can't help his actions. But that does not mean you should put yourself at risk. He should be seen by a doctor to see if there is anyway to calm his sexual urges. His daughter should find a male caregiver for him. Tell the daughter that you cannot go on in this situation.
Any professional caregivers facing this sort of challenging behaviour ought to be provided with training in its management: there are effective techniques which protect the caregiver and, also important, protect the person with dementia from the potential consequences of his loss of inhibition and self-awareness. But sometimes a male caregiver is going to be the only answer.
The crucial thing is that no-one, not family or health care team, should look the other way, pretend it's not happening, laugh it off or blame the caregiver for being too young/attractive/nicely dressed/whatever. It is the disease that is to blame, but just as you wouldn't shrug and let a person with dementia set fire to the kitchen, you don't either try to dismiss his groping and harassing people around him.
Advise your agency (if you are with one) of all incidents that have occurred - every single one - and make sure a report is filed.
Don't worry about trying to help them find another caregiver. They will find one and be just fine. If the daughter doesn't realize this is a problem, she's just being blind to her father's issues. I would go so far as to tell them they need to hire a male caregiver because the man acts inappropriately with females, and leave it to them to figure out the rest. I'm not trying to be harsh or unfeeling towards the man, who obviously has dementia, but this is a very, very bad situation for you to stay in - you're sitting on a powder keg here, and the one that will take the brunt of the explosion is *you*.