She gets something stuck in her mind. Is it normal to say so many contradicting things?
And doesn’t let go. There is a repeated conversation that happens everyday between my mom and I. If I spend the day with her then-its several times that day, and if you tell her one thing she’ll say it’s the opposite ... if you say okay it’s the other way she’ll say no, it’s the opposite again. If I gently say, okay mom... ya know we have talked about this so many times already, so please can you try to think about something else? She gets mad and says don’t tell her what to do. There is no clear cut way to resolve what she’s complaining about, it’s always about the relationship that she has had for 30 years, and she constantly says he didn’t call when he always does. I check the phone and show her where he called at the same exact time as always. She says he’s got another girlfriend and goes on and on ... y’all it’s every single day for a year now.
Its getting to where it’s not just this conversation anymore it’s everything she wants to talk about. Is it normal for them to say soooo many contradicting things in a 5 min conversation?
That is one reason that I am glad my step mother lives in AL, she tells the same stories over and over...fortunately the other residents don't remember what she says either, so it works out just fine!
It's been explained to me this way: People with memory loss confabulate; that is, they make stuff up to fill in the blanks of their defective memories. I've been advised by Mom's neuropsychiatrist: Don't argue. Sympathize. Redirect to another topic.
Granted, it's not always effective but better than arguing. It's futile to argue with someone with a broken brain. A friend in the field of neurology explained it to me this way: "Imagine cutting a peach in half and leaving it out on the counter overnight. What would you see the next morning? The cut surface of the peach would have mushy, darkened spots. That's what a brain with neuron death looks like: rotting.
My mom with mid stage Alzheimer's and vascular dementia always complains that no one comes to see her. This is not true, but she really doesn't remember when people visit. I pull up recent photos of Mom and different friends and family, visiting her in her memory care room. She looks at these pictures with mute indifference, like she doesn't equate the image with the truth. Or maybe it doesn't support her narrative; therefore it's invalid.
She's never convinced, but showing her the pictures makes me feel better!
This disease feels like a nightmare with no end. Just know there are many here that understand. ((((Hugs))))
Don't tell your mother that you've already repeated yourself 100 times..........that's not the right way to handle people with dementia. Don't correct her, either, which I know is VERY hard NOT to do! For example, my mother was insisting the Fabreeze was a stain treatment she needed to apply to her sweater before the caregivers could wash it. INSISTED. So she sprayed the Fabreeze all over her sweater rather than listen to me tell her it was not a stain treatment product. What's the point?
It's frustrating, it's irritating, and those who tell you otherwise are lying. Read up on the subject (Google tips for coping with dementia) to gain some useful tips on how to handle your mother's new behavior. And how to save YOUR sanity in the process.
Good luck!
It might go smoothly for a minute and she skips to something off the wall and if I ask if she heard me-oh well.
So, I'm really trying to work this out with this is how she is. She clings to every word strangers have to say and connects instantly with them-it's wierd and today we were doing business and the lady was telling my mom a sassy story about her husband and so on and when I was backing out of the parking space my mom says to this woman ok you go rest, I know you are tired. I love you. Umm, I don't know if she heard her or not, but mom said it's what you're supposed to say. I just shut up :)
Redirecting doesn't work for me, it's just another circle of confusion.
Now I just try to listen, and stay quiet as she gives her complaints, try not to cringe when calling my kids and other family members by wrong names. I’m coming to understand it’s the disease that’s contributing to her behavior and she doesn’t have the capacity to be reasonable. So I work on how I react to her, it’s not always easy, and sometimes visits and conversations are cut short. There’s a lot to be said to patience is a virtue.