Should an elder ever be left alone in a car?

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Should an elder ever be left alone in a car?

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I just got home and found a note that my mom and her 24hr sitter had gone to the store. When they got back my mom said she didn't go in the store and apparently stayed in the car while the sitter went in. I bought groceries the day before so am pretty sure there was no urgent need for any essentials and noticed the sitter had no bags when they came into the house. I am upset that my mother was left alone in a parked car even if it was just for a few minutes. She cannot get around without the aid of a walker and has mild dementia, CHF, and is hard of hearing. It was cold and raining this morning as well. Am I overreacting? Or should this be a concern that needs to be discussed with the sitter? I am too annoyed to talk to her at the moment so am taking this time to get some feedback and advice......any thoughts or comments will be appreciated. Thanks!

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I am not a big fan of leaving anyone in the car who can't make good decisions. That includes children and the elderly.

If the sitter is there 24 hours, when is she to have any time to go to the store except to take your mother with her? Sometimes you need things besides groceries. Is there some way that the sitter can have a little respite during the day? Maybe she could call you and plan a little break during the day for herself?

This is definitely something to discuss with the sitter. But don't be annoyed, be concerned that she works too many hours and this was the only or best way to handle a quick trip to the store. Maybe she just got a candy bar or something small that fit in her purse.

I'm glad that nothing bad happened and you are right to be concerned that something could have. Mild dementia is probably ok to do so, but there will come that day when it's not ok.

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I agree with everything txcamper had to say. Around here someone will call the cops if a child or a pet is left unattended in the car, I think vulnerable elders fit in the same category. That being said, it really makes a difference how long she was left unattended and how impaired her judgment is. I used to allow my visually impaired mom to stay in the car when I shopped for groceries when she didn't want to follow me around the store anymore, but she had the wherewithal to start the car if it was cold or open the windows if it was hot. We usually did lunch out on those days so I didn't want to leave her at home alone. I question whether someone who needs a 24 hour caregiver is safe to be left alone.
Also in my opinion no caregiver should be expected to work 24 hours more than two or three days in a row without a day off in between.

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The answer to this depends on so many things, such as the weather, the capabilities of the elder, the time in the store, and the character of the neighborhood. I don't have any concern about leaving my mother in the car when I go into stores for one or two things if the weather is warm enough. I'll be back quickly and she is still able to open and close the door if needed. If she doesn't want to go in, I don't make her.

If she were paralyzed or had severe dementia, it would be different. With severe dementia, I would be afraid of wandering or other confused behavior. But for other elders I would not be so worried.

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Thanks to everyone for their feedback. Just wanted to add a few details. I live in the home with my mother but work full time night shifts. We had to hire live in help after a fall where she fractured her pelvis in two places. The service we use provides 24hr care with two employees working alternate weeks. This sitter has on her own requested to stay on longer than the seven days. I assume she needs the extra money. So while I agree with what you all are saying regarding needing a little break I also feel this person has a choice and is opting without any request from my family to stay more days in a row than her service contract stipulates. She is given the option to make requests to leave the house for small short errands while I am there or if another family member is in the house. I also don't have any issues with my mother being taken along while errands are being run. I think it is good for her to get out of the house. I do however take issue with her being left alone in the car. The main reason we have hired sitters is because of her fall risk. So again, my question is whether or not my concern over her being left unattended in essentially a strange environment is legitimate?

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I think only you can answer whether your concern is over-reacting or legitimate. It depends so much on your mother's level of comprehensive and memory. What would your mother's reaction be to "I'm buying one thing and I know right where it is. I'll be right back. Because the weather is so nasty, can you wait in the car for me?" If she agreed, could she comply? Would she remember what was said to her? It really all depends on her cognitive level. You are the one who has to judge that.

But, this clearly bothers you, so at the very least you should tell this caregiver that you don't want your mother waiting in cars, because of her level of cognitive functioning. Unless Mom's cognition is obviously beyond waiting in a car and it should be apparent to any observant person, I don't think I'd make a big issue out of this incident. Just make sure that rule is in place, for this caregiver and the other ones the agency sends.

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Well, then, when you are out with your mom and she states a desire to wait in the car, what do you do? Can she, with her mild dementia, be trusted to sit quietly in the car. I have several personal tales I could relate that could have turned out much differently than they did. Sometimes it would vary from day to day. At this point, with MIL being in a wheelchair, it is very tempting to let her stay in the car. But I can't do it safely, so she either stays home or goes in with me. An exception could be made at 7-11 or the cleaners where I could see her at all times and only be in there a few minutes.

Thanks for explaining about the sitter and the scheduling. That does make a difference, with you and other family members being there. I do think you should explain to her that you are not comfortable with Mom being left in the car during errands, because she may try to get out and be injured, or well meaning people may call the police, or the weather may be too warm and the car too stuffy. Or any of a bunch of other reasons that there may be. You are the employer and she the employee. She should do what you ask of her, once she knows what that is.

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The answer is no she should not be left alone in the car. Even if you could see her from inside the store could you get to her before she falls if she opens the car door and gets out. Your paying for 24 hour care that means 24 hour care.

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Agree fully with Pinky1.....No compromise here...Such things can be discussed but you don't "owe" the companion any leeway....Clear the air with an understanding that mom stays home and the companion stays home, short of a fire.

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I left my elder in the car to walk up to an ATM. When I got back to the car in just a few minutes, she was out of the car and had opened the back passenger door, for no apparent reason. She was just standing there without her walker because it was folded up in the back. I was astounded that she had the mind to even get out of the car. No, I wouldn't ever do that again.

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You pay for the sitter you set the rules. No harm in taking mom out for a ride as long as this can be done safely, but there should be guidelines in place. Work is work. Do you expect to be able to run errands while you are one the clock? No, well neither should the sitter. Post a list of rules on the fridge and give each new sitter a copy along with instructions and a copy of med list and any DNA. After all you never know when a tree may fall on the house or the garbage truck crashes into the front room.

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Do you have a 'transfer chair'? It's smaller than a regular wheelchair and is pushed by the caregiver. It is lightweight and can be folded up when not in use. Ours fits into the back seat of my little Saturn. If space is tight, the foot rests can be removed. I found a gel seat pad which fits perfectly.

Mom is at risk for falls but she can stand and transfer from the car to the chair.

In the car we have a seat cushion for her and on top of that a soft swivel cushion so she can sit and move more easily. This is how I take Mom to appointments and into stores.

Perhaps you could offer a little gas money as an incentive for the caregiver to take Mom out and then inside the store or whatever.

Blessings to all of you for a peaceful resolution to your concerns.

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Why are you getting so upset? Just ask the sitter if they IN FACT even went to the store. A person with dementia is not responsible for telling the truth all the time. I am glad you have a sitter for your mother, and outings are good for her, perhaps not in the rain, but good to get outside seeing sights. Sit down with the sitter and discuss when and where you want your mother driven and I suggest putting down in writing all the things you want to say. Then have the sitter sign the document so it is a legal contract between the two of you. Then there can be no "misunderstanding" of what you want. Make sure the car insurance she has (for her car) or your mother's would cover both in case of an accident. I would also advise you to read more information about dementia at www.alz.org.

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Something no one has mentioned is the fact that there are predators out there that would love to see an elderly person in a car alone and possibly with the car running. That is another very frightening aspect -- they would be so frightened to have someone knock on the window to roll it down and if dementia is even mild, would be tempted to do it. My mom uses a wheelchair, is heavy and has mild dementia. It would be so much easier to let her stay in the car while I ran an errand -- but would I leave a sleeping baby in the car becauseit would be so much easier than waking it up? Never! Talk to your caregiver -- if you wouldn't leave her in the car, neither should she.

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I agree, your mom should not be left alone in the car for any period of time.
So the next question is how to address it. That is more of a HR question and how to set your expectations. Open communication.

I'm also assuming you like this CG and the other 7 day person and the company you are working with. Without accusing her, just ask her that you need to understand something that happened the other day and your concerned about. You need her input to figure out what happened and how in the future to keep your mom safe.
Ask her to explain what happened the other day when she went to the store with your mom. Then hear her side and as she's finishing, if she does not mention that mom was left alone, ask. Was it possible that mom was left alone?
Her answer and explanation will determine if you keep her or replace her. If she hides it and then you mention it, you have your answer what to do. If she says yes I quickly ran in to drop off my keys to my friend, then you can coach her to never leave mom alone.
Sorry if there any any auto correct crazy errors in my response. I'm submitting from my phone and it won't let me go back and proofread it.

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deegeebee60, your clarification made a lot of difference. I, too, think that's it's good for the elder to get out, but if there's any dementia at all, then leaving her in the car alone can be an invitation to wandering. Since the caregiver has time to do her own necessary shopping, she should only take your mother if the weather is good enough for the caregiver to take your mom into the store with her.

I wouldn't approach her with too much anger - just go over the ground rules and let her know that if she has a need to go out for something that she is welcome to do it when someone can watch your mom.

If you like her otherwise, I'd tread gently. Your overall satisfaction (and your mother's) is primary. Still, the caregiver needs to know that what she did could be risky.

Carol

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This was an interesting question to ask my husband he does this weekly with dad. Or rather did not so much anymore. His answer was simple it's the elders choice so out friend with dementia is a not a chance however dad can choose to he likes to people watch and get out of the house. That being said if it's very hot or cold my husband doesn't mention he's going so there is no choice.

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It definitely depends on the condition of the person. If they have dementia, don't leave them alone. If they just don't feel like walking, and their mind is clear , the person could be left for a every short while. Personally I can't leave my husband alone at all. He always wants to take the cart and place it in the covered areas for carts. I LET HIM DO THIS AND WATCH HIM EVERY MINUTE. And I watch for cars coming, too, so he will be safe. He still has the ability to watch for the cars and to be careful, but I never know when that will change. We can't be too careful. Funny, when I am driving, he watches for cars coming and tells me when I can go. I do my own watching. I notice that he still has pretty good judgement as to the cars coming down the street and when I should pull out, but I do not count on his judgement. He used to drive school buses full of children. So he is very careful. He stopped driving himself, when he realized that it wouldn't be safe for him to drive. He hasn't driven for years! And I sold his truck about a year after he stopped driving. Everything is relative.

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She should absolutely not be left in q car alone. I left my mom while I ran in to pick up sandwiches I had ordered and I could see the car from the restaurant window. I wasn't gone 2 minutes when she opened the door, got out and set off the car alarm (I had locked the doors when I got out). Thank goodness I could see her otherwise she probably would have walked away and possibly into the street. Even in a parking lot, your mother could have just opened the door for a stranger or stepped into traffic or another car pulling in the spot next to her. Anything could happen when they aren't able to think clearly. Just like with a small child and being outside of their comfort zone in a strange surrounding always makes it worse. Tell the sitter if she needs groceries she'll have to pick them up on her way home.

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Mom ALWAYS wants to stay in the car. The point of HAVING HER WITH ME is to get her out, moving, and with people. (Whether it's convenient, pleasurable, or easy for me or not.) I inform her that is she wants to 'just wait in the car' it would put me at risk (she watches way too much news and know what that means) so she is 'hepoing me' by parking her tush in the wheelchair and going into the store. She is the one who wants something from the store, that's why we are there. I did not see in the comments here that it's a risk leaving anyone in an openable vehicle WITH obviously a handbag and no attendant. Hello ? Sitting duck? Your 'sitter' is getting paid to attend to her 'job' which is your Mom's safety. She was therefore NEGLIGENT. Of course, delicacy in addressing the concern should be advised, to get the 'sitter' on board with the gravity of the situation so it will be a priority issue. We as caregiver are not paid to do these things, and WE MAKE OUR RECIPIENT'S SAFETY PRIORITY ONE. A paid professional should do the same. My Mom is a sharp cookie...if there was an emergency, she wouldn't be able to blow the horn, get out of the car, or yell for help. (Just a 'dainty' elder.) I could be arrested for elder abuse if I left that kind of person in a car ! Heck- we are 'roomies' here for life: where's my /our break every 24 hours? OldBob1936 is correct. No leeway. Service provider wants to give 'sitter' a break? Great- send someone over to hang with Mom. And...PS: to the folks we care for EVERYTHING is a strange environment. That's why WE are there.

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I agree with establishing some ground rules. If mom wanders then no do not ever leave her in the car, since she has dementia the potential to wander is there. As above, a lot depends on the capabilities of your mom. If she has mild dementia and I could see her from the store, then I'd be ok with it, but if I couldn't see her then I'd hesitate. It's good for your mom to get out, but I probably have taken her into the store with me. The caregiver may not have known something like this would upset you or that you feel it's inappropriate. I agree that you shouldn't be irate with the caregiver, approach it in a calm manner and explain your expectations. You can also check into your local adult medical day care it can be a great place for seniors to go and socialize, stay active and eat lunch. You can contact your local Area Agency on Aging for more info on in home services and caregiver support services.

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I wouldn't, unless it's just for a moment, like you're at a park and walk-up pharmacy and you get out to pick up the parent's medication. I used to do it because my mom has a hard time getting in and out of cars and gets tired fast while walking, but once I walked into a Walgreens for five minutes and when I came out she had the blade drawn from a swiss army knife, just in case. My conclusion was that she probably couldn't handle being in a strange place, especially since this was at dusk. I'm just lucky no one tried to talk to her or that she didn't try to go wander.

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Carol Bursak, where did you get the idea that the OP gave the paid caregiver permission to do her own shopping?????? She didn't.

And NO, you don't start with "she can go out and get something if she needs to as long as someone can watch mom". The OP could come home and find some stranger in the house and an upset mother. The paid caregiver is being PAID to do a job, not run her own personal errands.

This person is being paid to take care and watch the mother not run her own errands. Needed repeating.

Pinky1 and OldBob got it right. This woman is being paid to be a caregiver, not being paid so she can run to CVS to get nail polish remover for herself, while mom sits in the car.

She most certainly needs to be spoken to.

And yes, people have been known to call the police when they see either a child or an elderly person(especially if they look confused) sitting in a car.

You talk politely but firmly to her and tell her this can't happen again, either she gets it or she doesn't.

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I've been caring for my husband with dementia for many years. We go to an adult exercise class three times a week. I run all my errands on the way home while he sleeps in the car. It's either that or his staying home alone while I use more gas and time making a second trip. We don't do this when the temperature outside is high. We've never had a problem. He enjoys being out and about as well as seeing what's going on in the world. As we drive around he likes to pay attention to the street names and tries to say what direction we're driving. If our dog is in tbe car, he has an on-going conversation with her about how far we are from our destination. We have our best conversations in the car. If we have NPR on, I explain what the report is about, and help him form an opinion. We also like watching the gas prices as we drive around. I see those trips as therapeutic. Go easy on your care-giver. Don't assume she's endangering anyone.

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The rule at the agencies near where we live is that a caregiver never takes someone out of the house period. They have to stay at home in the house. They also do light housework as assigned by you.

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Absolutely not, an elder should never be left alone in a car! Why do you have help? For that very reason, to take care of mom.

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rakshita, that is YOUR HUSBAND. Your situation is completely different. This is a person who is being PAID to take care of someone who is running personal errands on the clock. Besides the safety issue it is stealing. This woman is being paid to take care of watch someone, not run her own errands.

And yes, she was running her own errands. The mother was left in the car and the OP said they came back with no supplies for the house. She was "pulling a fast one". One warning and than bye bye.

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How does ur mom feel about it?maybe she just didn't want to go in and if u feel that she does need to go in have that conversation with her and the sitter and voice UR concerns in front of mom
So there is no confusion between u and ur mother and the sitter isn't stuck in between u and ur moms indifference on the situation IF there is any

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In my case, it's much safer for me to take my mother in the car and have her wait than to leave her home alone. There have been times that we have to get a Rx filled on the way back from the doctor's office and there is nobody home to look after her. It's imperative that she get the Rx ASAP, so Mother waits in the car while I go in and get the RX. She has mild dementia, but doesn't wander and is afraid to get out of the car alone. She usually naps or enjoys the passer-bys while I'm gone.
If you don't want the companion taking her out, that's your call. The companion works for you.

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My mother lives with me in a rural area 25 miles from town. I never leave her alone for more than an hour. She has mild dementia and uses a walker. On Wednesdays we go to town for errands and mom prefers waiting in the truck while I run into stores for our needs. I leave the radio on and she opens and closes her window as she desires. If it's to hot or cold outside I leave the truck running. Also, I wait for a handicap parking spot where she has full of the store. On Sundays we drive 60 miles to the church she desires and usually make a couple stops on the way home for neccessities. I've asked her to go into stores with me, but she desires to remain in the truck and watch people.

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Take my mom with me when I go food shopping, 94, hard of hearing, dementia, but loves to watch people and go for a short ride, and she NEVER even tries to get out of car. Not usually in the store very long. The only time I won't take her is if it is too hot to be in the car in the summer. Always has worked for us

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Should an elder ever be left alone in a car?

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