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Mom was diagnosed in 2012, but she never told anyone. We didn't realize this until 2020. She doesn't drive, doesn't use stove or oven. She is obsessed with milk of magnesia. My sister seems to think it would over whelm her. It'd be small of course.
How well does she do with large groups? MOST of the time large groups, lots of noise, will confuse someone with dementia. And most people with dementia like a routine. Having a party is throwing off the routine. Is she aware it is her birthday coming up? If not then don't bother. Have the same dinner you would normally have. Make a cake if you want but don't make a big deal of the day. You will find that with the diagnosis of dementia there are not "holidays" a day is a day is a day.
I am surprised that with a diagnosis in 2012 you did not pick up on any "something is not right" I am surprised your dad did not say anything.
You mention that you are with your parents now for 2 months. You need to get back to YOUR family YOUR life. This is not a short term condition this may go on for a few years or many years and she will decline. This does not get easier. If dad can not manage then you need either to help him find caregivers that will come in or begin looking for Memory Care for mom. You mention dad has depression. This diagnosis might be one of the reasons. And it might be easier on him if she were in MC.
If mom is 'obsessed with milk of magnesia', what sort of issues is she having in the bathroom, I wonder? A little tiny bit of MoM goes a very very long way. I'd be hiding that bottle if I were you, o/w cleaning up the blow-outs may be a whole lot more than you bargained for.
I'm with Grandma1954.....how does a person 'hide' an AD diagnosis for an entire decade? Did nobody recognize something was seriously amiss with mom for the past 10 years??
In your profile you say you are having problems in your marriage b/c your Dh wants to move hours away but you can't do that. You're living with your folks for 2 months now; what is your plan? To live with them permanently? Do you have an idea what sort of care is involved with AD?
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing Alzheimers and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
As far as a birthday party goes, that depends on how 'with it' your mother is, and whether she'd get upset with the fuss or be happy about it. In general, elders with dementia should have no disruptions to their routine. If it were me, I'd cook dinner as usual and get a small cake with candles, sing Happy Birthday, and let it go at that. A gift would be nice too. But no big hooplah that might derail her for days.........the goal is to keep mom calm at all costs.
I haven't updated my profile in 2 1/2 years. We knew something was up, but she lied about doctor appts. Telling us nothing is wrong. I got with her neur. and md and she didn't past the test, so it's out in the open. A couiple of siblings dont get it but it is what it is. I have done a lot of reading, and understand routine. I think a SMALL birthday will be fine, Simple. Thank you for your input. And will read free download.
How old is she? How bad is her AZ? When's the last time there was a birthday party for her?
I'd basically lean towards no. If you're talking about a sibling or two coming over, sure, why not, just don't make a big fuss. 10 or more people is probably too much, depending on what she seems able to handle. Your sister could be right - it could very well overwhelm her. It's a nice idea but might not be the best use of time and energy.
Weird that she was diagnosed so long ago. That's a long time.
What's up with the MoM??? Can't be good for her to be taking so much. But perhaps it doesn't matter much at this point?
She is 85. It's not bad yet. Few blowouts. We knew something was up, but she can showboat very well. She has my husband fooled. She asked the same questions multi times a day, I can deal with that. I also divert when she is being negative. Maybe a some party will be fine. Thank you
Yes thank you, I learn late 2021 when I took her into Dollar Tree. I usually drop her off at the front door to Belk or what not, then park, and we would go in. This trip I got her a buggy to hold on to while she waited on me, or sometimes she would be right inside the door looking around. This time I got out of the car and look up. She was standing outside the store without the buggy, and with a blank look. First I wanted to know who got the buggy..then figured out she was overwhelmed with people and the store period. She goes with me out sometimes now like the post office or little store but doesn't get out. Atleast she is out of the house for a little while.
Yes, bring the party to her and make it small. No small children if you can do it. Yes, Mom may think they are cute but also get rambunctious. Something that is hard on people suffering from a Dementia. The party should be an eat and run think too. You do not want to over stimulate her.
Yes thank you. Since I've been living with her for over 2 yrs now, she does not handle little ones running around. A new born is one thing but 2-3 yr old would drive her crazy. And within 2-3 hours later she would be asking me who was here. And by evening time she most likely will forget that anyone dropped by. Its a hit or miss.. She can showboat good in front of some folks.
Yes, make it small and if it goes wrong make it short. Point is avoiding and depriving ourselves with little pleasures leaves us with not much to look forward to.
My friend was terminally ill and neighbors gave her a hug party. They gathered outside and each person was allowed to come in, give her a hug and chat for 5 or 10 minutes. Then a bell was chimed. Then the guest went out the other door where refreshments were served under a big tree. It was easy on my dying friend at a time when she didn’t need the anxiety and exhaustion of a party. She loved it.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
MOST of the time large groups, lots of noise, will confuse someone with dementia.
And most people with dementia like a routine. Having a party is throwing off the routine.
Is she aware it is her birthday coming up? If not then don't bother. Have the same dinner you would normally have. Make a cake if you want but don't make a big deal of the day.
You will find that with the diagnosis of dementia there are not "holidays" a day is a day is a day.
I am surprised that with a diagnosis in 2012 you did not pick up on any "something is not right" I am surprised your dad did not say anything.
You mention that you are with your parents now for 2 months.
You need to get back to YOUR family YOUR life. This is not a short term condition this may go on for a few years or many years and she will decline. This does not get easier.
If dad can not manage then you need either to help him find caregivers that will come in or begin looking for Memory Care for mom. You mention dad has depression. This diagnosis might be one of the reasons. And it might be easier on him if she were in MC.
I'm with Grandma1954.....how does a person 'hide' an AD diagnosis for an entire decade? Did nobody recognize something was seriously amiss with mom for the past 10 years??
In your profile you say you are having problems in your marriage b/c your Dh wants to move hours away but you can't do that. You're living with your folks for 2 months now; what is your plan? To live with them permanently? Do you have an idea what sort of care is involved with AD?
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing Alzheimers and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
As far as a birthday party goes, that depends on how 'with it' your mother is, and whether she'd get upset with the fuss or be happy about it. In general, elders with dementia should have no disruptions to their routine. If it were me, I'd cook dinner as usual and get a small cake with candles, sing Happy Birthday, and let it go at that. A gift would be nice too. But no big hooplah that might derail her for days.........the goal is to keep mom calm at all costs.
Good luck!
I think a SMALL birthday will be fine, Simple.
Thank you for your input. And will read free download.
I'd basically lean towards no. If you're talking about a sibling or two coming over, sure, why not, just don't make a big fuss. 10 or more people is probably too much, depending on what she seems able to handle. Your sister could be right - it could very well overwhelm her. It's a nice idea but might not be the best use of time and energy.
Weird that she was diagnosed so long ago. That's a long time.
What's up with the MoM??? Can't be good for her to be taking so much. But perhaps it doesn't matter much at this point?
Thank you
Point is avoiding and depriving ourselves with little pleasures leaves us with not much to look forward to.