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She is 94 and I am her caregiver. She does not go out anywhere and I open the door at 8 o'clock in the morning. She does not want me to do this, and she does not want any things that light up like her central heating or her care alarm. Mother has had dementia for over 15 years and she is in the end stages now.

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Josie, I understand your anxiety about keeping your mother safe but what you are doing could get you into very hot water indeed. It is a clear Deprivation of Liberty and there is a ten-ton rule book about that.

What support do you have in caring for your mother?
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Josie99 Oct 2018
I will not do it anymore, just trying to keep her safe.


I have help from my brother and sister, but we are all getting older .
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Oh dear Josie, I am sorry, I know how difficult this is.

If you aren't already in touch with your local social services (I'm assuming you're in the UK?) do PLEASE give them a ring. They can help in all sorts of ways, and they can also connect you with other organisations.
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If she doesn't like the status lights from alarms and such, try putting a piece of black electrical tape over the LEDs... I do this a lot for myself to cover up lights from the DVR, Roku, phone chargers, etc. because they make the bedroom too bright.
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Heck, doesn't everyone lock the doors at night?
If mom were a child, deprivation of liberty wouldn't be an issue, would it?

My first son, at three yrs of age, figured out how to get the front door unlocked while we slept and a neighbor called to say he was sitting on the curb watching the traffic go by. That called for a higher lock he couldn't reach from a chair.
Forget Dep of Lib malarkey!

Josie didn't say she was imprisoning her mother.
I have my doors locked just because. Let the overbearing govt sue me.
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Countrymouse Oct 2018
From the way Josie phrased her post, I have the impression that her mother is locked in - though I agree I'm not sure whether this means in her room or in her house, or who else is there, or for how long a period she is left alone, or how she might be able to call for help if she needs it.

When dementia is so far advanced that the person is in the same position as a small child then there are procedures for getting a licence to take appropriate safety measures. I also doubt if a family caregiver coping alone with a demented parent would be prosecuted, in reality. But if God forbid something goes wrong and the mother comes to harm, or if it comes to light for some other reason that Josie has been doing this, she could be in trouble.

But most of all, the important thing at this point is to try to get the family more support before poor Josie collapses under the strain. It is out there, you just have to keep looking and keep squeaking.
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Josie, I’m kind of confused. Does Mom live in her own home or with you? I ask because you posted back in July that she is falling, a lot, and you’ve made many trips to the emergency room for that and other health issues with her. If she is alone in her home, is she ok that way?

My mother was also troubled by things that had lights. There was a red dot on her television that stayed lit all the time. I had to make sure I brought black electrical tape to her facility to keep it covered. I wonder why they’re so affected by these things?
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You can buy a door alarm and install it outside her door. It will sound if she opens it during the night. That's what I did after my mom got outside in the middle of the night and was wandering in my semi-rural neighborhood.
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I used a baby gate. You can hear them holler but they can't go out the door. I set it a few inches off the floor so there was no way Mom could climb over. In my situation, it kept her from going up steps. I had a baby alarm so I could hear her.
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When do you sleep? I found myself getting no sleep whatsoever! Sundowning and night wandering are exhausting for caregivers. You matter too! I was only one person who took care of my mom 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and I burned out after doing it for 18 months. Fall risks are very high and double incontinence and night wandering forced me to make the decision I didn't want to make to place her in a nursing facility. It takes more than one person to care for our loved ones. And it is not selfish to admit that you may not be able to continue to keep her safe. Bless you.
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I didn't use any secure lock at all. Mostly I had to stay awake all night in case my mother hollered out in pain. I was extremely tired all the time and like a walking zombie.
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I use the alarm that goes off when door opens or closes.
Makes me feel better.... sometimes I do things she doesn't care for.
I just tell her that her wonderful son installed it... In fact I use his name alot because for some reason he's as mighty special guy that she's kind of obsessed with
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mlface Nov 2018
Clever idea. Who can do no harm is the person who said to do it. Love it & will remember that.
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Great ideas, everyone, but OP hasn’t come back, so maybe she found her own solution.
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Wandering is the single most critical worry for a caregiver. Those suffering with Alzheimer's, other forms of dementia and memory loss have a tendency to wander whether they are at home or in unfamiliar surroundings. They are trying to make sense of the world they find themselves in at that moment. https://www.alzstore.com/alzheimers-dementia-wandering-s/1828.htm for “Dementia Wandering - Alzheimer's Wander Safety Products”

Visual deterrents such as STOP SIGNS that hang ACROSS DOORWAYS and Black or DARK MATS on the floor that are interpreted as "BLACK HOLES" are a couple of ways to minimize wandering of people with Alzheimer's and Dementia

Here are some websites (Copy & Paste URL to your browser.) of Stop Signs made especially as visual deterrent for wandering. Many of the signs are attached with Velcro-like fasteners so that you can take them off anytime you want to.  The sign will need to be removed prior to your loved one going out the door. 

https://www.webmd.com/brain/10-ways-to-prevent-wandering#

https://www.alzstore.com/stop-sign-banner-p/0134.htm

https://www.caregiverproducts.com/posey-stop-sign-door-banner.html

https://www.mindcarestore.com/stop-sign-banner-p/mc-0134.htm

https://www.alzstore.com/alzheimers-dementia-wandering-s/1828.htm

THOT: Maybe she has been busy with Halloween Trick-or-Treaters. 🎃
Hope everyone had a safe and fun Halloween.
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