Today, Adult Protective Services visited my 90-year-old mother-in-law to talk about possible fraud involving her bank accounts. Recently, I had taken her to the bank to get a cashier's check to pay her rent because she had run out of personal checks. On a different occasion, she took her niece to the bank and had the bank make out a cashier's check to her, as my MIL wanted to give her a gift. This gift was unbeknownst to myself and my husband, but, despite my MIL'S advanced age, she is allowed to bestow a gift on a beloved niece without eliciting ill feelings from us. From what I understand, these actions raised "red flags" at the bank. Would you advise that we help my MIL switch to a new bank? She is angry at the current bank because they didn't come to her directly to talk about her legitimate transactions. While my husband and I are not angry at the bank for trying to protect my MIL, we now feel generally mistrusted and that we're objects of suspicion--despite no fraudulent activities. Would switching banks just cast more suspicions upon us and cause more trouble for my mother-in-law who, other than being legally blind, is really quite with it? I want to do the right thing by my MIL and have a lot of anxiety surrounding this.
If you want a better access to your MIL account have your name put on it. Thats what I did. Just tell MIL that it is just in case something happens to her and you can have access to it for emergency use only. Its obvious she trusts you.
When I did this for my daddy thats what I told him and it was easier when he passed away. I had access to the account and was able to close it with no problem.
When my dad became paralysed while living abroad, the bank stopped his card because they became aware that his friend was using it. Fact is, he was using it to pay my dad's bills. As his daughter, I was able to set up something with his bank where I could pay his bills through the bank, as long as I provided evidence. It was very inconvenient, especially with a 7 hour time difference. Plus, the friend thought I'd reported him and was accusing him of doing something wrong. It made life very difficult.
Yet I know, each time, the bank was just protecting the account holder.
I can understand how it might feel that your MiL is being treated as incapable, or you're being treated as if you are taking advantage, but I think you need to let those feelings go and be thankful that the bank is being diligent.
Yes-as another(s) here said, get all legal documents in order. See an attorney (who specializing in elders / trusts, probate) to manager as needed - even if not now, for the future.
- It doesn't sound like she'd jump at the chance to have you/her son co-signers on her account. This is to be expected. She may feel she is 'fine' cognitively when she isn't; losing independence, which she is / would be, she is scared, perhaps confused.
Just about no older person wants to relinquish the independent they PERCEIVE they have / have had all their life.
So much depends on the cognitive functioning / abilities of your MIL.
Even with confusion / perhaps even mild dementia, w/o MD authorization-documentation that she is unable to manage her life, there is little that you can do (as far as I know).
Personally, I don't think / see that changing the institution would necessarily change their (bank) red flags. It is a matter of getting to know the bank manager 'better' while understanding they / the Bank is doing what they can to protect your MIL.
However, with that said, I would see it as a RED FLAG for her giving her beloved niece a gift as she did. It is 'too easy' for her to do this on a whim - anyone that befriends her - that she falls for. I would try to see if there can be two signatures required on her requesting a check be made out to others over a certain amount ($100? $500). I know this might not be do-able.
Perhaps the first step is to discuss with your husband / her son to get cognitive testing to see 'exactly' or as * exactly as possible what the situation is, legally.
* I have witnessed my clients w dementia during MD appts providing MD absolutely false info / facts when being asked questions. The MDs seem to 'believe' them w/o question/ing. I was shocked when my alcoholic client told MD that she has a drink 'once in a while - or whatever she said ... when she (my client) has caregivers going to the store for her to get quarts of something - whiskey - as often as needed. She's been an alcoholic since her now adult children (in their 40s) grew up with an alcoholic mother.
Caregivers working with clients in senior communities 'can' be fired by providing alcohol/drugs to residents. It is, of course, a health risk (falling, losing balance and a slew of other concerns).
Sorry to go on and on about this. As MIL will allow, go into medical appts with her to 'take notes,' (which is what I did when allowed to do so)
Gena / Touch Matters
It would be wise to set up on-line banking so that alerts and other information can be sent in real time. Most institutions, do not do "old school" calling the customer these days. Instead, banks want to text or email the customer of potential fraud transactions that come in real time 24/7 and which the customer can affirm the charge, check or what ever was legit.
Obviously, she may not have email or many not text. In that case, if she can put you on her accounts just for this monitoring, if you want to do that, it would help avoid this situation with the current bank or with future banks should she decide to switch.
Also having you or another on the account to write checks or pay bills if necessary for her, should she become sick, hospitalized or lack competancy would be a wise idea. Yes, getting a POA financial and medical, as well as an advanced directive executed with you or another as her "health agent" to make decisions if she cannot, would also be a good idea if those documents are not in place. Check with an elder care attorney where she resides as each State law and requirements on these things are different, such as the POA needing to be witnessed and notarized or perhaps other requreiments to be legit.
Finally, as others noted if she might be in need of Medicaid long term nursing home coverage at some point; gifting funds within the 5-year look back period could disqualify her from Medicaid picking up the expense of nursing home care. Where we live, the monthly cost for a high quality nursing home is $15K a month or $180K a year. Does she have that level of funds to pay for this if she is disqualified for nursing home coverage via Medicaid?
Tell her that if she wants to "gift" money to keep it under the Medicaid threshold (NYS - anything over $2,000 will need a receipt and copy of check for Medicaid to determine if allowable or non allowable expense) to not raise red flags.
Is she aware of that, and competent?
Are you aware of that?
Thank goodness this bank is picking up on what are very serious problems here. Your mother-in-law looks to be moving in a direction that will leave her destitute and in need, and she will not be able to access help. I am very worried for her as she seems to not understand this. I would suggest that you attend a session with an elder law attorney to find options for how your mother-in-laws funds can be protected, and that you all speak together with someone who understands financial matters, aging and finances, and etc.
Your MIL's bank is alarmed, and well they SHOULD BE.
But now... if your MIL was taken for her annual Medicare wellness checkup they would ask her if she wanted the cognitive test (this is what they did to me and I just turned 65). I wonder if she'd say yes. Not sure how you test someone who is legally blind since they are mostly written tests... you should probably find out.
Does your MIL have a PoA? I hope so. If so, this person now needs to be joint on her bank accounts and listed as PoA on her assets.
Her mistrusting you could be paranoia, which is a feature behavior of early dementia. My 95-yr old Mom has been doing this for the past 1.5 yrs. It doesn't happen every day or every week, but it's becoming more frequent. No amount of logic or reason works to convince her that I'm not trying to "put her in a home" or "steal her money". Your MIL has the added challenge of being vision impaired.
Gift money is something that could definitely disqualify her from getting Medicaid assistance when she needs LTC. This is a solution that is critical to preserve, unless your MIL has scads of financial resources. AL and MC in a good facility costs thousands of dollars a month. LTC probably even more.
It would be helpful to know if she has a financial and medical PoA, then we could give you more specific guidance that will help her into her future, and yours.
I would not change banks at all but it would be a good idea to meet with them and have things like this explained in person with you, your husband and MIL. And to the person she gifted money to.
Feeling will be hurt because old people, in my experience are very funny about their money.
Good luck.
https://www.aba.com/-/media/documents/infographics/aba-fbi-elder-exploitation-infographic.pdf?rev=46064d5eb9984bfc895fda72642cc767
Now, I see why your mom thought they should have asked her directly. But they may not have felt they could separate her from her companion to ask, or it might not be bank policy. The bank is 100% trying to help her here---so perhaps she could consider asking to meet with them and explain to them why their actions were distressing, so they can improve their response.
I also can see why she feels insulted a bit. I can see why you are alarmed and mistrusted. (Having an APS visit is more intrusive than the "fraud alert" texts I get from VISA if I make a big purchase). But look at what happened--she showed up twice, with different people accompanying her, to have cashier's checks made out one of which was to the companion. Of course this can be legitimate. But of course it raised red flags. I could go into the bank and buy gold bars, and go into CVS and buy 10,000 of gifts card legitimately---but those are both much more likely to be fraud-associated than regular bank transactions are.
Look at these stories:
https://www.wisn.com/article/waukesha-woman-scammed-hundreds-thousands-cashiers-checks-gold-bars/46556998
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/29/business/retirement-savings-scams.html
Another site encourages banks to "report all cases of suspected elder fraud to appropriate authorities". https://www.vedderprice.com/bank-responsibility-for-elder-financial-exploitation
Of course increased awareness is going to lead to some "false alarms" and some awkwardness. But (especially as some of the reporting is governed by state law) would another bank be different? And would you, or she, want it to be? Again, consider "feeding this back" to the bank instead of pulling out from them, if you are interested in investing the time.
I personally would be happy a bank cares enough or has enough cyber security technology to investigate unusual transactions. I would explain that to your MIL too.
Dearest MIL, there is a lot of fraudsters these days (hasn't there always?) I am VERY happy the bank is making sure you are OK.
PS. How I WISH my LO's bank took notice & asked questions!
May have stopped the fraud 😭
PPS I'd stay with that bank.