My sister is a functioning person with a diagnosed dillusional hullucinating mental health disorder. She doesn't handle stress well anymore. Recently I had her Baker Acted in Brevard County Fl. She is having active delusions and hallucinations with all the family members and is combative with me. I am the only relative that lives close to my aging father. He gave her the POA and and is his legal healthcare surrogate. Didn't want to create more problems fir my father after she was committed for 24 hours at local mental healthcare facility. He thinks im causing problems and us enabling her behavior. The family has been involved with her delusional emails about people who kidnapped her. She is very defensive and blames me for her problems. The hospital has informed me there is no follow up apt for her and she has stopped her medications she has been fir over 25 years. What happens if she decides I'm not allowed to see him if he should go to hospital and I want to see.him. he is a proud man and she doesn't include him on any of her bizarre emails... he is also too old to get his email anymore. She us a functioning person... goes to work pays her bills... to him nothing has changed but the test of the family sees everything. I tried to tell.him numerous times about her inappropriate behavior. He us blaming me for not being her friend. She is very religious and is jealous of my life...husband family and my children. Most of which she didn't have. What can I do if she decides I cant see my father if and when he falls ill in the hospital? She also had POA of my mother who passed in 2020 and kept her palliative care a secret from me denying my right to see her during her last days at her facility. Afraid she is going to do that again. What to do? Help.
Your sister sounds like a vindictive person.
Is there anyone else who could act as a mediator for your family and convince your dad that your sister shouldn’t be his PoA?
Has she ever shown anyone the PoA paperwork? You could take the emails and video evidence and work with an elder law attorney to send her a letter demanding proof of PoA. If she doesnt comply or come up with it then you now have a legal inroad. But you will have legal costs if it goes to court for guardianship.
Then this is not fixable, and it is as well a great tragedy.
I would sit quietly with father and explain exactly what could happen with a mentally ill woman who has hallucinations that cannot be controlled, in charge of his well being when he is incompetent and helpless.
If this doesn't cause your father to change his POA, then NOTHING WILL and I would step away from ALL OF THIS at once.
When your father IS incompetent, if your sister is still living, the I would consider applying to be your father's conservator or guardian for his protection.
You might consider an hour of time with an elder law attorney for any options. But with the mentally ill, there are very few other than these brief "holds" which do nothing. People who are mentally ill with hallucination may get medicated in care, and more stable, but they seldom do remain on their medications when released. Many admit that they prefer their delusions to real life.
I suggest Liz Scheier's great memoir, Never Simple about her attempts to intervene and help care for her mentally ill mother, over decades and with the help of city/state of New York, ALL TO NO AVAIL and the near ruination of her life.
Not everything can be fixed.