My mom with dementia and extreme short term memory loss is repeatedly told by my sister not to answer the phone if I call but to call me back from her cell so the call can be recorded.
I just hung up from my mom and while talking to her she told me to hold on and I could hear her dialing her other phone. My sister answered and asked if I was still talking. Mom said no, because I wasn't, but on hold. My sister took it that we had hung up.
My sister told my mom that whenever she calls me to let me talk for a while and while doing so for her to call my sister and put that phone on speaker by hitting the RED button that they added to her phone so she could hear our conversation. Mom was confused and said she can;t talk to both at the same time. My sister continued to say that I was probably calling to see why there were cash large cash withdrawals from her account but that mom knew aout them so it is ok. Mom didn't know what she meant. And my sister kept saying that she knows every time a check is written but might forget but that I think they are just taking money without asking.
Add the end of the conversation, my sister gave mom my number and said call her from your cell phone. Mom wanted to hit redial from her home phone but was told not to bc the other one records automatically. So she called me back from that one and I refuse to answer.
Now I can't talk to her unless I am being recorded. And I say nothing about any family members or moms care. Just all good conversation to help her preserve whatever memory she has left. Please help.
My dog furbo camera did get some of this phone call but very faint as it is tuned to barking only.
Good luck.
Mom would assume she was being recorded when she called and just talked about light things like the weather. Again, I'm sorry you are going through this.
Noting your response to me here I heard warning bells; I was reminded to look you up, and see your previous posts, which I did. This one is from July. Quote.....
"Elder protective services made 2 unannounced visits to my moms. I haven't received any information from them at this point, but my other sibling who was visiting mom last week said my sister, the POA, is hustling to get another lawyer to change mom's irrevocable trust and remove the family home that is in there and add that to her will with different beneficiaries before the court appointment. So far she has told this new lawyer that she does not have a copy of the trust so he just said he would do another one with mom's wishes. Meanwhile mom can't remember if she even ate or not.
Elder services takes a while with reporting, but my sister is moving at a rapid pace to change everything. Anyone know if I should contact the new lawyer and tell him that the trust is irrevocable and i have a copy and send it to him? to stop this from happening or stay out of it?
WORST: throughout all of this she is telling elderly dementia mom who is struggling with covid cough currently if something had happened to her this whole time things wouldn't be divided the way she wants it now and they need to get that changed."
Looks like mom IS eating then?
And looks like the Covid is off the plate as well?
This begins to look like one of those sad wars against a caregiving sibling.
There is really nothing on AC I find so upsetting as siblings at war over the still living bodies of their parents, when said parents are at their weakest. Reminds me of Catherine of Sienna whose nuns began to take little pieces off her still living body for relics. Reportedly.
If there is a Hades I think it must have a special place for siblings at war over their parents. You already have contacted APS more than once. Go ahead and sink money in attorneys, why don't you. Hope your Sister already saw one for guardianship and a good care contract with compensation.
I feel for your mom in this matter.
I also feel that there’s some sort of sibling rivalry or power control issues. It seems like caring for your mother - or father, not sure which looking at your past posts, very confusing - is a responsibility that your siblings are taking on since they are close in proximity to the parent. I obviously don’t know the details but who is recording who? You say you have recordings of your mom and sister and they are recording conversations between you and your parent? I say for what purpose? If there’s nothing to hide there is no purpose. I think there is a certain level of paranoia going on, perhaps indicating guilt or some other negative emotion. Your mom/dad deserves the best care possible and I assume that they is living in their own home with regular nurses or sibbling visits and care. If so maybe at 90 years old your parent deserves nothing more than a family truce.
So it may not be OK for your sister torecord the conversation without your consent.
https://www.rcfp.org/reporters-recording-guide/connecticut/
I think we were all a bit suspicious and confused, most people get 20 pluse answers.
Are you?
Why would you care if calls to your mother are recorded?
There is clearly a lot of information missing here in the troubled relationship you have with you sister. Things don't happen without reasons. Given we don't KNOW those reasons I cannot imagine what we could do for you but wish you good luck.
If for any reason you suspect your sister is abusing your mother do call the sheriff, the police or APS in your area to do wellness checks.
my sister also has the checkbook and debit card and will use the debit card for dinners with her friends and add a 100$ tip to a 209$ tab.
I don't know HOW Vince got hold of your postings, but I strongly suspect now that everything I wrote you is correct.
Vince:
I am thankful you got wind of Sister Mark and her postings. We on AC Forum OFTEN see the siblings at was screnario, and there is another right now at was with her brother, and playing the innocent Martyr here all the while.
Not that our opinion matters, but I think your coming here does serve to remind responders on AC that when a story is one in which they are the sad innocent victim being abused by a sibling--we need simply to remember we are getting ONE SIDE OF THE STORY.
I wish you the best Vince, and can only say that this is so sad for a parent. To think that some in the family are so distraught they are taking medication makes it the more sad. I hope this can all be worked out some way.