My dad is 88yrs old with dementia, Parkinson, diabetic, enlarge prostate and stage 3 kidney disease. I give them written out instructions on his medication. I feel disrespected and most importantly, disregarding my Dad's medical needs. I appreciate their help to give me a weekend, but when they just brush it off, I get upset. His insulin for bedtime wasn't given, missed his bedtime meds one night. Missing items in his overnight bag. How don't know how to express my disappointment without them getting mad at me.
na na na NA,
looky here you jerks , yer gonna kill the old man.
i packaged up his meds , with a written plan..
his prostrates the size , of a basket ball.
i might as well be talking , to a fn wall ..
im poa , and i hate to rag .
but you let him eat , from the sugar BAG ..
or , you know . something to that effect . it just needs to rhyme ..
Of course, it is nice to let them know how much you appreciate and need the breaks from your full time care of Dad. They should be thanking you big time and doing their best to see that Dad's care stays the same while on their watch.
The other option would be to check on a visiting nurse to come by everyday while the sibling is there to be sure meds are done properly. This could be covered by Medicare if Dad's doc would write a script. Wishing you all the best!
The next time you drop dad off, review the instructions and advise of the consequences - tell them dad's sugar was out control after the last visit.
Help is never perfect - do not give up your respite because of that.
He probably takes his "background" insulin at night. I have missed taking my own, so I asked my pharmacist whether I should take it when I realize it, a few hours late, or wait for the next dose. She told me to take it, even late. You might share this information with your siblings. It is very important to take diabetes (or any) medications as directed. But missing a dose now and then is not the end of the world. (Or the world would have ended long ago for me.) If they take him once a month or so and miss a dose that is not good but it is not a catastrophe, either. Cut them some slack. But if they have him once a week and he misses a dose every time he is with them, then it is more important to stay on top of it.
I like the idea of having a doctor write out the instructions so you can send them with him.
I sincerely doubt that this is about disrespecting you. I took my mother one weekend a month when she lived with my sister. I am embarrassed to have to admit I missed some of her med doses. I NEVER missed my husband's meds, but I did that every day, day after day. I only did my mother's a few days a month and I never quite got into the habit as thoroughly for her as I did for hubby. This had absolutely NOTHING to do with my attitude toward my sister.
Caregiving for Mom is hard enough. Please don't make it harder for yourself by imagining slights or disrespect or animosity.
When you talk to your siblings about this, leave the emotion out. Don't tell them how disappointed you are or that you feel disrespected. Be factual and not critical. "When Dad misses his background insulin shot at night that impacts his blood sugar readings for at least 24 hours. If you realize it has been forgotten, please give it to him in the morning."
My sister lives an hour away from me. She usually brought Mom and I usually took her back. We tried hard to get one brother involved by asking him to do the transportation. It would only have taken him 4 hours a month, and he would have had that time to chat with Mom. He only did it a few times, more's the pity. If you have a family member who can't participate in care in other ways, see if they could provide the transportation. Otherwise, I don't think there is any rule about who has to do the transportation. If meeting somewhere between your places makes sense in your situation, that should be fine. Or they pick up mom and you go fetch her. I like the idea of someone else doing the driving best.
You can get yourself all worked up and either not value their help or not enjoy your alone time because you're stressing over what they're not doing for your dad. Neither of those options is a good solution for you. My mom has missed whole days of medications and she's still here at 94, soon to be 95. And hers are pretty important heart meds.
You're lucky to have siblings willing to give you a break. Chances are they're not going to change. I'd say just let it go. Or if it bothers you too much, look to have a professional caregiver come into your home and stay with your dad, so you can go somewhere else.
You go to a lot of trouble to give them clear, easy to follow instructions. Did they even bother to look at them? Did they imagine you did all that for your own amusement?
Ok, so that's my personal touch paper being lit - yes, I would be furious too. I would stamp around and rant to myself for quite a while. Then I would think: so how is Dad? If he's fine, let it be. Next time they take care of him - which you DO want them to make a habit of, don't forget! - dangle the instructions under their noses and say cheerfully "this is actually quite important - unless you enjoy spending time in ER or are trying to finish him off." I love Captain's jingle idea :)
Also, make allowances for their being rank amateurs compared to you. If they'd had similar amounts of practice they wouldn't be making such basic errors.
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